Narrates: Dear mom and dad,
I'm writing this suicide note
because I've just taken a 'Don't Judge Me' challenge.
and, I mean, do we really need another obnoxious cunt like me in the world?
I mean, there's so many of them already.
Just type 'Don't Judge Me' challenge, I mean can't even believe how many people are actually doing this.
So, in summary, goodbye mom, I love you, your cooking wasn 't the best
but I won't hold that against you.
Goodbye.
*falls*
Michelle Obama: Wow, Ethan, great moves, keep it up, proud of you.
[Typing sounds]
Ethan: Another internet challenge has appeared from the bowels of Vine's asshole.
Last time it was the 'Ice Bucket' challenge. I believe that was to cure autism or something like that.
And this time, It's the 'Don't Judge Me' challenge.
and we're trying to cure ugliness this time!
So this girl made a video, about how she's getting goofed-on online.
When she's not wearing make-up, people call her ugly, and when she's got make-up on people call her fake.
Can you believe these people on the internet?
Making fun of other people?!
What the heck man????
I mean her video does have a good point,
we're not all beautiful, perfect people
and sometimes it feels really bad - you wish you could have a beautiful, perfect body
like me.
I mean look at the chub-and-tuck, that's a perfect, tight body.
Not a bad campaign, right?
But somehow, the geniuses on Vine, turned it into this.
Basically it starts off with them being ugly
AKA glasses, unibrow, and pimples. And then, they cover the camera, and all of a sudden...
Buckets of cum, dude.
Yeeeeeeah
Ugh dude pimples what the fuck dude, unibrow?
Ohhhhh yeeeaahhh duude.
Look at my fuckin' hair now that he do it, hell yeah.
Ugh, glasses, what the fuck, disgusting.
Oh fuck dude, I grew some tits!
Ugh, Agh
The fuck dude.
How does this prevent body shaming?
It's literally doing the opposite of your intention.
You're just telling people with unibrows and glasses and acne that they're ugly fucks,
and they don't get to wipe it off and be beautiful like you at the end of the video.
Acne?
Bye bye!
Unibrow?
Bye bye!
Thank God I don't actually look like this, huh?
Now of you're not - if you don't have the right haircut,
if you don't have beautiful skin,
if you have pimples guys,
umm, bad facial hair.
Don't make one of these videos cause' it's not gonna' be good, people aren't gonna' like it.
Because it has to be beautiful at the end.
That's the whole point of the 'Don't Judge Me' challenge.
If you're ugly in the beginning, and ugly in the end, there's no fucking point, dude.
Okay?
I'm try - I'm trying to do body acceptance
And I can't accept your ugly-ass body!
Don't judge me guys!
I'm not an ugly f*ck,
Comes right off!
There is one good thing about the 'Don't Judge Me' challenge,
it gives us the opportunity to make fun of the biggest shit-heads on YouTube.
Left: "This is ET" Right: "And Moe"
Left: "And this is Ock TV"
Left: "And today we're back in the hood. This time Brownsville."
Ethan: These are the dudes who do pranks in the hood.
The great humanitarians behind one of the - the greatest YouTube movements of all time
Pranking black people.
Haha!
Left: (shouting)"It's a prank, It's a prank!"
Ethan: Yeah, they're great guys.
Well, they've decided to do their own 'Don't Judge Me' challenge,
and,
considering their history, you know it's gonna' be good
[Music plays]
Ethan: Dude, how did you guys think this was a cool setting for a video?
You're sitting in your grandma's living room, the couches are covered with plastic!
You guys are like 25 you need to start controlling your bladders!
Even the pillows are covered in plastic!
Dawg
That is not a cool setting for a video
[Music resumes]
Ethan: Man, these guys are so brave, though, honestly.
They put red dots on their faces dude.
They put red dots on their faces and they messed up their hair!
They're so brave to show themselves like that, I just can't believe it!
[Music resumes]
Ethan: And, by the way dude, those - these three here on your lip,
you -
you might actually want to see a doctor about those ones.
I don't think those are pimples dude.
[Sharp inhale]
Sorry to break that one to you, bud, but, ugh, nah.
I think that's what they call herpes actually dude it's not supposed to grow on your lip like that.
[Music resumes]
Ethan: Dog, what the fuck have you done to your face man?
It's not too late to change dude, you can grow back your eyebrows and your hair, man,
you don't need to look like that!
I appreciate what you're doing for the people,
trying to make them feel good about yourself.
but you don't need to subject yourself to looking so ridiculous dude!
You look like a fucking clown, man!
Grow back your eyebrows and your hair, PLEASE!
PLEASE!
Your mom wants to take the plastic off the couch dude stop pissing on the furniture, man.
it's not cool anymore! You're like 25! Dude come on it's time to grow up, man!
Stop peeing on the furniture dude!
[Music resumes]
*vicious twerking*
[Music resumes]
[Outro music playing]
He's on the fuckin television now!?!
Dude, go fuck off man!
I can't take a vacation without you scamming me
Stop harassing me dude!