We all know the deal.
If you’re a vigilante super hero, you hide who you really are, if not just for your own
safety but so you can sleep comfortably in your bed at night.
But some superheroes choose to just, not do that.
And these are our top ten who need to start.
10.
Fantastic Four (except the Thing)
I’ll get this out of the way.
When you’re a giant rock man.
There’s no need for a secret identity.
There’s nothing you can do about that.
It’s like when the NInja Turtles wore trenchcoats.
It is what it is and when you’re shaped like that, there isn’t anything you can
do.
So in his case, The Thing can justify not having a secret identity.
That said, I can’t say the same for the rest of them.
Sure, Johnny’s sister is Susan Storm, Susan Storm is married to Reed Richards, so those
relationships are covered.
But at this stage, Susan and Reed have two kids.
And regardless of the fact those two kids have impressive powers, their very existence
makes them a target for more experienced, powerful enemies to use as bargaining chips.
So for the sake of their kids, I’m saying, they need to start hiding.
9.
Jay Garrick/Flash
There’s a few rules about secret identities that Jay didn’t quite get.
But that’s okay, he was one of the early ones, we’ll let him slide.
The first is, hide your face, lest any enemies should learn who your loved ones are, and
two, don’t use your powers in civilian mode unless it can’t be helped.
Meanwhile, Jay does not wear a mask, and casually plays tennis with his super speed.
Evidently, Jay’s loved ones matter less to him than a romp at the country club.
Come on Jay.
Don’t be the Bougie Flash.
8.
Namor the Submariner
Namor’s biggest problem is probably just the fact that he goes by HIS NAME.
SOMETIMES he’s the submariner, but more often I see his name in full.
Now granted he’s like part mermaid and part mutant and lives in the ocean, so no one’s
really going to go after him in public.
But his costume is literally just a speedo.
He doesn’t even really need the name Submariner, it’s not so much a secret identity as it
is his beach outfit.
I feel like if he put on a t-shirt and used some conditioner he’d be a completely different
person.
7.
Iron Man
Ah Tony Stark.
Once again, way too famous, way too rich, way too noticeable.
I get that in that situation it would be really difficult to maintain a secret identity since
you’d literally be disappearing all the time, and then suddenly Iron Man would show
up.
But...that’s how it’s always worked.
And frankly, with that level of notoriety, you’re going to attract people who are going
to try to target you when you’re defenseless.
Now granted, Tony is able to account for that with portable iron man suits, but what about
everyone around him?
Anyone accompanying him anywhere could immediately be a target.
It wouldn’t be hard to figure out where any of the other Avengers are, just follow
Tony Stark around and you’ve found Captain America.
Speaking of:
6.
Captain America
Allright.
So Captain America has gone back and forth on having a secret identity.
And right now, he doesn’t really need one now that he’s generally portrayed as being
time displaced, meaning most of his loved ones are dead.
But originally, being publicly acknowledged as Steve Rogers would be painting a big crosshair
on everyone around him, just like it would any other superhero.
Not to mention his status as a war hero effectively makes him a target for terrorist groups.
Not the best guy to ditch the secret identity.
THAT SAID, I can kind of understand why this was totally ditched, as it was a symbolic
gesture in the wake of 9/11.
So, yeah, I’m not taking a hard stance on him.
5.
Guardians of the Galaxy These guys get a slight pass because their
backstories generally don’t include having loved ones to worry about.
That’s not to say they DON’T but when you’re an ally to people like this, you
kind of know what you’re getting yourself into.
That said, they’re kind of notorious throughout the galaxy, so the smartest thing they could
do would be to hide who they really are.
I mean, not that it can be easy to hide a tree or a talking racoon, that generally will
give you away pretty quickly.
And any mishmash of people seen with these characters will PROBABLY make the secret pretty
apparent, but hiding your faces miiiight alleviate some of that.
Hopefully anyway.
4.
Green Arrow (Yeah he has one, but he needs a better one.
Or hair dye.)
This is pretty much the same problem as Superman, except it’s somehow worse.
Probably because when you have the exact same facial hair as the well known hero of Star
City, it’s a tad too obvious who you really are.
This is one of those times where having a well groomed beard is definitely to your disadvantage...not
that i’d know.
Not to mention that he’s an incredibly prolific playboy, so It doesn’t really take too much
to put this one together.
So I’m saying, he needs another secret identity, or at least a shave.
3.
She-Hulk
I mean, look, there’s not much you can do when your skin is green and you’re two feet
taller than everybody else.
And with She-Hulk, she is actually happy to be in this form, she prefers it!
That said, when Bruce Banner is still trying to keep his identity secret (outside the MCU),
it’s pretty much a really obvious connection that you AT least know him, and if anyone
ever looked into when you got the blood transfusion from him that triggered your transformation,
it wouldn’t be hard to make associations.
I know, I know, she can’t hide that she’s tall and green.
That’s fine.
You can’t put a mask on and make that go away.
But maybe...close your law practice and don’t operate under your real name?
I dunno just a thought.
2.
Black Canary/Dinah Lance
This is one thing the Arrowverse got right.
Black Canary aka Dinah Lance, for whatever reason, has chosen to not wear a mask at all.
Which is fine, but her character is fairly noticeable and generally considered very attractive.
Which tends to make you stand out.
So anyone looking to find her would have a pretty easy time doing so.
She wouldn’t really blend in to a crowd.
So a mask or actual secret identity of any kind might give her a slight bit more safety.
The Arrowverse interpretations of the character gave her both a mask and at times a wig, so
it did try to disguise her a considerable amount more.
So points to the arrowverse on this one.
John Stewart/Green Lantern
John Stewart seems completely unconcerned with anyone knowing who he is.
His costume is literally just a shirt and pants.
At least Jay Garrick wore a hat and moved really fast so even if you did see him you
might not notice, John is just being the Green Lantern, plainly visible to everyone, while
still working as either an architect or a US marine Veteran.
Put a mask on John, everyone else is doing it.
And those are our top ten superheroes who needed secret identities.
Yeah, I’m not sure why these guys didn’t bother with trying to hide themselves.
I suppose that can be attributed to stylistic or story choices by the authors and artists,
which is fine too.
But, I’m generally an advocate for full face mask or a helmet when possible.
Just to keep them guessing.
Anyway, have a good one!