Hey everyone, and welcome to TopThink.
Today, we are going to learn about 7 tricks to easily win any argument.
Now, let’s begin.
Arguing isn’t as easy as it looks.
Even if you know more or understand the subject better, someone can still argue circles around
you.
Because it’s not all about how many facts and figures you can rattle off.
A good argument requires more than a little bit of convincing evidence.
Especially when you’re arguing face to face.
That’s actually where most people have trouble.
In-person disagreements with coworkers, friends, or even family are some of the most difficult
arguments to win.
Think about it.
If you have time to mull over your points, isn’t it much easier to construct a sound
argument?
You don’t have to worry about being interrupted.
You avoid any rebuttals or counters.
You can think clearly and keep your head on straight.
But, in the heat of the moment, arguing gets a whole lot harder.
Emotions flare on both sides.
Your points are muddled by all kinds of exaggerated claims that no one can really remember.
To make matters worse, the majority of face-to-face arguments are filled with misunderstanding.
You don’t have the time or space to think, so you instinctually react to the first things
you hear.
You may not have processing their actual point, but that misunderstanding can instantly derail
the entire argument.
As arguments get more confusing, you probably get annoyed.
You have more and more trouble consolidating your ideas.
By the end, it might feel like the person who yells the loudest wins.
So how do you keep your arguments from spiraling into a frustrating mess?
What strategies will help you quickly and effectively say what you want to say?
To answer those questions, let’s dive into 7 simple tricks you can use to excel in any
argument.
1.
Know Your Opponent To win an argument, you have to understand
your opposition.
It sounds strange, but it’s an incredibly helpful trick, especially when arguing with
someone who knows their stuff.
No matter where you are or who you’re talking to, one thing’s for sure.
You know your perspective better than you know theirs.
You’ve thought about your side.
You’ve lived with it.
You may have argued for it a few times before.
If it’s something you’re truly passionate about, you might also have a physical or emotional
connection that makes your perspective important to you.
In your mind, that carries a lot of weight.
It seems to matter so much more than any case your opponent could make.
But consider this.
Your opponent likely feels the same way about their side of the story.
They’ve given it thought.
They’ve invested emotions.
Their perspective may have, in some way, affected who they are.
To them, your opinion doesn’t even come close.
This might seem obvious to you now, but it’s something people rarely stop to consider.
Someone else’s argument may be just as thorough and valid as yours.
If you want to win, you need to understand where their argument is coming from.
How does it make sense?
Why does your opponent believe in it?
By considering these questions, you get a fuller understanding of they’re even bothering
to argue with you.
Because people don’t argue for no reason.
Just like people don’t choose their opinions at random.
There’s always some kind of emotion or connection hiding underneath.
So how does this help you win any debate?
First of all, it keeps tempers from rising.
But it also shows you the best way to structure your argument.
Let’s say someone is adamantly defending a certain group of people.
You realize it’s because they feel a sense of community with them.
Obviously criticizing or attacking their group isn’t going to change their mind.
It’s just going to make them mad.
Instead, you might argue that they could find that sense of community somewhere else.
This kind of argument is much more likely to strike more a chord with your opponent.
But you only know that, because you took the time to consider their perspective.
2.
Dissolve Absolutes An absolute is a statement like, “all people
wear shoes.”
It’s when you phrase something as a definitive, all-inclusive fact.
We mostly use absolutes to exaggerate a strong point.
And they usually sound right when you first hear them.
But it doesn’t take long to realize how untrue most of them really are.
If you argue using absolutes, you’re setting yourself up for failure.
People will find exceptions to your rule and force you to backtrack.
You’ll spend a good chunk of the argument trying to justify an absolute, even though
you didn’t need to use one in the first place.
3.
Create Relation We naturally latch onto issues that directly
relate to our own life.
When problems feel closer to home, we’re more interested in and passionate about resolving
them.
That’s just the way the brain works.
Luckily, you can use this knowledge to your advantage in an argument.
To get your point across, talk about how your perspective relates to their life.
How would it affect their neighborhood?
Their job?
Their family?
By focusing solely on your own experiences, it’s much harder for them to connect to
what you’re saying.
Try to show them why your argument plays an important role in their life.
You’ll find you’re a lot more convincing when your opponent can honestly relate to
your side.
4.
Show Flexibility Your opinions should be flexible during any
argument.
If your opponent makes a good point, they need to know you’re willing to acknowledge
their ideas.
Otherwise, why are they even arguing with you?
Why not just agree to disagree?
If you’re both dead-set on maintaining your views, a debate isn’t going to get you anywhere.
You could both make dozens of convincing arguments, but it wouldn’t matter.
No one is willing to learn anything.
Neither of you want to gain any new knowledge.
You just want to win.
More often than not, inflexible people aren’t even listening to what you have to say.
They’re just waiting for their next chance to speak.
But being flexible will actually help you win more arguments.
It encourages your opponent to give you the same courtesy.
It works like this.
When you acknowledge their opinion, they immediately feel heard.
People often feel frazzled and insecure when they argue.
They’re constantly scrambling to get their point across.
So, by agreeing with and validating their perspective, you’re telling them they’re
making sense.
That they don’t need to worry about sounding stupid.
It’s a small change, but it dramatically affects their attitude.
They’ll feel calm and open to learning something new.
That means they’ll be much more receptive when you argue your side.
In the end, very few arguments are 100% dominated by one point of view.
Parts of your perspective will be right, and parts of theirs will too.
It’s about finding common ground.
5.
Nothing Personal Don’t make things personal.
The last thing you want to do is use insults or criticisms to win an argument.
Once you cross that line, it immediately turns a friendly debate into an actual conflict.
The end goal of any argument should be to resolve the problem without damaging the greater
relationship.
Sure, you want to prove your point.
But friends should be able to argue without putting their entire relationship on the line.
Insults also completely undermine your argument.
When you resort to attacking someone’s character, it tells your opponent that you’ve got nothing
left to say.
Imagine you try to invalidate a good point by calling someone stupid or narrow-minded.
Does that actually prove anything?
Of course not.
They’ll think you couldn’t think of an actual counter-argument, so you just tried
to hurt them instead.
To make matters worse, you’ll spend the rest of the argument on the back foot.
And that’s assuming your opponent even wants to keep talking to you.
If you don’t want to damage your relationships or undercut your own opinions, stop yourself
from getting personal.
The longer you can do that, the better your argument will be.
6.
Admit Uncertainty There are three words that no one wants to
say in the middle of a heated argument.
Those words are “I don’t know.”
Admitting you aren’t sure about something can feel like a loss.
Like you’re telling the other person they’ve bested you.
People are so determined to avoid it that they’ll misconstrue facts or suddenly change
topics.
They’re trying to keep the power in the conversation, but there’s nothing wrong
with admitting you don’t know.
You’re allowed to be unsure.
All those misquoted facts might sound good in the moment, but it makes for a weaker argument
in the long run.
7.
Avoid Competition We’ve talked a lot about winning arguments,
but we didn’t ask ourselves a simple question.
What does it really mean to win?
People often compare arguments to fights.
In a fight, two individuals battle it out, giving everything they’ve got until one
person comes out on top.
Fights have clear winners and clear losers.
And both sides will stop at nothing to make sure they’re the last one standing.
If you come into a discussion with this competitive mindset, your arguments will almost always
turn into fights.
No one will grow from the experience.
No one will leave the argument feeling good about themselves.
Even if you win, any feelings of pride will drown under a wave of guilt and leftover frustration.
So let’s rethink the ultimate goal of an argument.
What do you really win by making the other person feel bad about their beliefs?
Nothing.
In fact, you both lose.
The goal of an argument should be to get better understanding of the world around you.
Whether or not their original points were accurate, the person who learns the most is
the real winner.
Don’t start an argument just to prove you know what you’re talking about.
Do it to expand your horizons.
Grasp new perspectives.
And strengthen your beliefs.
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is on the way.