hey everyone everyone thank Marella for
that great introduction I also want to
thank all of you for coming here today
it's a great honor to be able to speak
here and to be able to share all my
experiences probably and so with that
I'm gonna get started today I'm gonna be
talking about the art of negotiation
negotiation is such an important and
critical part of our daily lives it
determines how we interact with others
how we talk to them how we form our
relationships it affects so much of her
life yet it's so underused and under
practiced we don't give it enough
importance we don't practice the skills
that are necessary for negotiation and
therefore a lot of us become ineffective
negotiators negotiation is a fundamental
structure of what is around us without
it we won't be able to make sure that
projects are successful or that what
we're accomplishing is meaningful and
actually useful and it can affect a long
and large range of things it can affect
something from you just trying to see if
you want that extra slice of pizza or if
you're not really sure about working
without one person that you're a little
bit iffy on or even if you're thinking
about saving up for that trip next month
but really want to spend it on a Friday
night all of these things play into
negotiation and that's what makes it so
important but before that what really is
negotiation the common misconception is
that negotiation is trying to make
someone agree to all of your advance but
that's just unreasonable you can't make
everyone agree to everything you want
so the Oxford Dictionary defines
negotiation as something that's a
discussion between two people and
through that discussion they come to a
common agreement nowhere in there does
it say you have to make the other person
agree to everything you want it simply
just says that you have to talk to each
other so that you can come to a common
consensus and agree to a set of terms
that will work for both of you is what
those terms you might be able to create
something new and something that could
change the world and that's what I'm
here to talk about today why is
negotiation important how do we do it
effectively and what does it bring us in
the end
my story starts one year ago I was the
into sophomore and was my first time
coming here are going to a residential
high school I mean I'd really never seen
anything like it before
how many people have heard of a
residential high school for kids that
are interested in math and science when
I came here I was amazed by the
opportunities that I could find here and
that all the people I could meet
everywhere I looked I saw I found all
these interesting clubs activities
organizations all these classes that I
wanted to take and all these people I
wanted all these people I wanted to talk
to and meet there was so much here that
I wanted to do but the thing that I
wanted to do the most was to go into
student and inquiry research program the
SAR program teams up the SAR program is
known throughout the state as a program
that helps students learn about their
field just get experience in it they get
to talk to these mentors who tell them
all their experiences metrics were
experts in their fields and I've been in
there for such a long time that they can
pass on so much experience and knowledge
to her students at least that's what
it's supposed to be but in reality it's
just a really large regret for emphasis
seniors and juniors year after year when
I talked to my insta seniors they all
told me how their experience wasn't
meaningful how it wasn't anything
special to them and really was just a
large waste of time for them and their
mentor they weren't able to get anything
out of it it was a program that was
supposed to be so fun so educational so
useful to them when in reality it just
was a big waste of time after looking
for to this so much I didn't really want
to imagine that my experience would turn
out like that that my experience would
be something unfulfilling something that
really didn't mean anything to me in the
end so I was determined to make sure
that that didn't happen to me I was
determined to make sure that when I went
into my SAR there would be something
meaningful to me and my mentor it would
be something that would change the world
in whatever small way what it would do
something to affect the research of the
world
I wanted to make sure that my entire
experience was not like my seniors but I
wasn't really sure where to start I
wasn't sure how to get someone to sit
down with me how to get someone to email
me back or really even talk to me I mean
it's kind of hard to get these
professionals to talk to you when you
don't have a college degree underpaid on
your resume or and they're simply just
in high school I wanted to find a way to
just sit down with these people and just
to get to know me so that I could show
them what skills I have and my
opportunity came it came through MCS
element program the allman program is
something that advises students to go to
1871 it's a one week long event that
takes students to 1871 every day and
just tries to get them exposed to
entrepreneurship and technology I
thought that this was my chance this was
how I was going to get my next SAR this
was also going to get my meaningful
experience my meaningful internship that
this was going to be how I met all these
incredible people and gained all these
incredible experiences I wanted to make
sure that I was I was able to meet other
organizations all these people they
wanted to and I wanted to make sure that
by that end of that week I would come
away with an experience that would be
meaningful to me for the rest of my life
so I had everything planned out for the
first two days and then right in my week
I would make sure that I've just go up
to these people just talk to them and
meet them just try to get to know them
for the next three days I would just try
to make sure that I present myself
present my skills wasn't what I know and
just present myself in a positive light
to them so that when I do go to ask an
internship they'll be more receiving and
that they would think yeah even though
he doesn't have a degree or college on
his resume he could still work in our
lab he has skills that might be
beneficial to us I had my aunt I had I
looked up all the organizations and all
the people that worked in 1871
I mean 1871 is one of the premier tech
hubs in like Chicago so it was a great
place for me to start so I wanted all I
wanted to look up all these
organizations all these new and
interesting ideas so everything listed
out all the people I wanted to meet
organizations I want to go to but when I
think about in retrospect that really
might have what really might have been
what lets my failure that week really
might have been what lets my unmeaning
full experience of 1871 and let's go
into why when I went to 1871 the first
two days went pretty smoothly I was able
to talk out to all the people I wanted
to just get to know these people these
amazing entrepreneurs who are risking
their entire lives on these startups I
wanted to get to know them get to know
their projects and just find out what I
was interested in but the problem came
in the next three days when I talk to
these people again and tried to present
myself the emails I got back were just
said we'll get back to you or the
responses I got from them were lukewarm
at best and the worst of all was when I
got these internship offers so were the
exact ones they regret it and didn't
really want the exact ones that were
just large regrets for my seniors I was
frustrated I don't know what to do how's
they supposed to address this how was I
supposed to make sure that the same
experience and happened to me I was
talking to all these people meeting them
trying to make sure I put my best foot
forward but and then all I got back was
a bunch of frustration and these
responses that I really didn't want look
forward to I was hitting the exact same
responses that my seniors talked about I
was feeling I felt like I was in the
exact same spot my seniors were forced
to accept that an opportunity that I
really didn't want to force to pursue an
internship that I knew would be not
really meaningful in the end I really
wasn't sure what to do but that's when
when we had a speaker come in his name
was Thomas Stovall in the last hour of
my week at HT 71 he came in and tried to
explain to us what he did in his work
he's a resident entrepreneur at Google
and a member of code 2040 he connects
minorities all over the world and
especially once in the tech industry so
that they can get the resources and the
port that they need he was someone I
admired a lot and when he came in he can
explain house meetings once and how he
just talked to people he said that in
all of his meetings if he spent an hour
with someone else he would only spend
five minutes of that with actual
negotiation five minutes of that was
just getting down to business
and knocking out all the agreements and
terms that you need that can really make
sense to me if the entire point of the
conversation was to form an agreement
between you and your partner I was only
five minutes of an actual content
what were the other fifty five minutes
what were you doing during that time and
he told us that for the other fifty five
minutes you have to be able to build a
trust and connection between you and
your partner otherwise any negotiation
that you do will just fall through the
cracks because without trust nothing can
grow and nothing can start that's a
quote I remember remember from him the
most now building trust that's pretty
vague I wasn't really sure where to
start with that because it's not
something that you can easily define as
getting what it was a starting point for
me so I wanted to do some research and
figure out what to do and so through my
research I found a couple of articles
specifically one from Harvard Law it
referenced five key points that you
needed to have in order to make sure
that your negotiation went smoothly
because the basis of negotiation is to
make sure that you have trust between
yourself and your partner because
without trust you won't ever be able to
effectively complete your work or build
an organization or do anything you want
to but how do you build that trust when
I look up any article about meeting new
people the first thing I found was how
it was so awkward to do so to just come
up to someone and say hey how are you
doing something that our society really
isn't used to especially when it comes
to asking
for a favor people immediately get
turned off when you try to ask them for
in favor immediately immediately after
meeting them it's not something anybody
wants to look forward to and I didn't
really know how to get past this but
they said that before even getting
started you have to first build a
connection between yourself and the
person you're talking to and that's why
the five key points that they referenced
or making sure that your person felt
appreciated your partner felt appreciate
that he was needed there then it wasn't
just some other person who could be
replaced with anyone or with any project
that his affiliation was equal to yours
he was a partner he wasn't someone who
worked under you and he wasn't someone
who was bossing you around either
he also had to make sure that his status
was appreciated that his experiences
knowledge was actually appreciated in
the relationship and was used
effectively he also had to make sure the
role was completely appreciated and was
made sure that it was made significant
that they were in some cog in a wheel
that they were an important aspect to
the entire project and he also have to
ensure their autonomy because if they
don't feel like they have the freedom to
do what they want in the relationship no
one's gonna be interested no one would
want to work with you if they don't feel
like they're being appreciated enough
and that hit me and it hit me really
hard because when I thought about what I
was doing at 1871 I realized I was only
focusing on the projects I wanted to
work with I was only looking at the work
I wanted to do I wasn't really looking
at the people I was just looking at a
this is pretty cool can I join this or
that looks like something I want to do
not like that's someone I want to work
with that's someone I trust that was
missing from my conversations and I
wanted to make sure I fixed that so from
then on whenever I went in to talk to
someone or just negotiate with someone I
didn't go in with the goal of getting
what I wanted I didn't go in with the
goal of making sure that I came away
with all my demands and that I came away
with an internship if I was
looking for one I went in with a goal of
trying to get to know this person trying
to build a connection between us so that
we could have a trusting relationship I
went in with the goal to make sure that
if I talked to them I'd be able to come
away with the meaningful experience and
I continue to do that just to continue
to talk to people and to get to know
them and the opportunity finally came on
April 4th of this year I went to
Northwestern research day and I wanted
to meet all these incredible people I
mean these guys were basically my heroes
they were doctors who were researching
cancer and just pushing the medical
field far for just so much I wanted to
just learn from them just to get to know
their experience just to get to know
them I know the day was an amazing
experience for me but one thing that
really stood out was when I met one
specific person dr. Vishal Kothari he
was a researcher at Northwestern and he
was current he was studying prostate
cancer at the time I just wanted to get
to know him and his project but what
ended up happening was that we got to
know each other pretty well and he
started talking to us and we hit it off
at the end of that conversation I was
pretty satisfied I thought I got to know
a professor pretty well and I was pretty
happy about that but what I wasn't
expecting was Roy was about to leave he
turned and asked me if I wanted to join
him in his lab as an intern honestly I
was shocked because here I was just
talking to this person someone I admired
so much and Meyer who's at work I
admired so much and she was offering me
the internship for my dreams and I
didn't even ask for it or go in with the
intent of getting it I just went in with
intent of learning and trying to get to
know these people and I was getting the
internship of my dreams I was stunned by
this I was that day when I went home I
really thought about it about my
experience with him and about my
experience with talking to him I felt
like I really had a connection with him
and I felt that he trusted me and I
could trust him in a relationship
there's something meaningful to the both
of us and it turned out to be an
experience that I would never forget my
entire experience was just based off of
that one conversation and just us being
able to build trust with each other and
so with that I urge all of you whenever
you go on to de gauche e84 find new
opportunities
I urge all of you to focus on the person
to focus on building trust between you
and your partner to focus on making sure
they're able to make that connection
because without that trust and without
that relationship nothing can grow and
nothing can start thank you
[Applause]