(exclaims)
(chuckles)
Ah, well, then...
You rather h-have sisters than a brother?
Well, I prefer the pets.
(laughs)
I'm tall, so I look down to you.
(laughs) I know. Oh, boy.
What do I think about John? Hmm.
Always strong-willed.
-Always, uh, lovable. -Mm-hmm.
MICHELLE: Always concerned with other people's feelings.
Couldn't imagine having any other brother.
Wow. Christina?
-(laughs) -MICHELLE: Top that, Christina.
-You're just eating this up, aren't you? -I am.
♪ ♪
BRIAN: I'm Brian. Nice to meet you.
-Nice to meet you. -Yeah, you, too.
JONATHAN: I think it's so great
getting to spend time with the other siblings.
We've spent some time with them prior,
but to really spend, you know, an afternoon
discussing things, I feel like
it's a great opportunity to really
hear everybody's point of view.
Does anybody feel like you're in the shadows
of your special-needs sibling?
I feel like my friends love him more than they love me,
-so they're always like, "Rocco, Rocco, Rocco!" -(Brian laughs)
-And I'm like, "Okay, go ahead." -BRIAN: I got that a lot, too.
-I felt that way a lot. -Yeah. Oh, yeah.
So, he's always the center of the attention.
CHRISTINA: I mean, that's been our lives.
-Like, forever. -BRIAN: Yeah. That's all you know.
-Like, right. That's all we know. -BRIAN: Yeah.
-(laughs) -MICHELLE: Yeah.
I became "John's sister" very early on.
You know, my name didn't exist.
-I was John's sister. -(Brian laughs)
He's always wanted to be in the light.
I'm not an out person, and so he...
(laughter)
If you can't tell. (chuckles)
And so, the fact that he's the star
and that he's doing all this stuff...
Give him a mic, and he can just...
You know, it's like, wow, you know?
-That's me in, like, another life. -BRIAN: Oh, yeah?
(all laugh)
JONATHAN: That's awesome.
And so, it's really, really amazing to...
to kind of live a little bit through-through him.
JONATHAN: I've struggled with
actually feeling guilty just for the fact
that she was born with Down's and I wasn't.
I had so many advantages that she didn't really get to have.
-BRIAN: Yeah. -So, if anything,
I'm glad to see her thriving and pursuing her dreams,
'cause it helps me feel like,
okay, well, there's no need to feel guilty.
She's got, you know,
a lot of good things going on in her life,
so it helps... helps me feel better
-about that situation, actually. -BRIAN: Right.
Has anybody had to protect their sibling
from discrimination and, God forbid, the r-word?
You know, that was slung all over the place
in the '70s when I was a kid.
But has anybody experienced any of that?
He's the baby, so first off, we're-we're mother...
-You know, we're his mothers. -BRIAN: Sure.
-Sure. -Uh,
and then, secondly, our little brother.
So, if anybody's gonna beat him up, it's gonna be me.
-You know what I mean? It's like... -(all laugh)
-Yeah? Alexis, you're shaking your head. -Yeah.
-Oh, yeah. -BRIAN: Yeah? All that?
It's, like, a whole different feeling.
You just want to be, like, there for them
-in every way you can, and... -ADRIAN: In middle school,
a lot of people would use "retarded" a lot.
-Mm-hmm. -And, um, especially...
I think around that time, my dad... um, he's a counselor,
so he tried, uh, spreading the word of,
like, "Try not to use that," and stuff like that.
And every time I heard people say it,
I would ask them not to use it.
I think it was more during that time of, uh,
counseling out words than, uh, protecting them
from people making fun of them.
How do you guys feel when I have Down syndrome?
Well... I mean, I grew up
with you having Down syndrome all my life, so can't really...
(laughs) Can't really feel too different about it.
-ADRIAN: No. -How about you? 'Cause you guys give me
-a hard time. -I don't know what to say.
Hard time? Of course we do,
like any other siblings would to each other.
-I give him a hard time. I got to give you a hard time. -Right.
You were special, but we didn't treat you special, did we?
Sometimes you do.
There you go.
You guys identify
with boundaries or lack of boundaries in...
in trying to navigate what's appropriate, what's not,
and maybe the exceptions that we make
because our sibling has special needs?
JONATHAN: Rachel's very much in the mix with us, so,
you know, when she's with us, it's the three of us.
And we do have to sometimes set the boundaries.
Like, "Okay, Rach, I know you like spending time with us,
"but we've spent 11 hours together,
so you now need to go into your..."
She has her own room at our condo,
so I'm like, "It's... You need to now go into that room."
So, this way, we can spend maybe five minutes together.
And it's tough, 'cause sometimes you feel guilty.
You don't want to be saying that.
But, you know, I think it has to be done.
What about you guys? I mean, Cristina's older.
She just moved out of the house. She's got her man.
I mean, do you feel a sense of responsibility at all?
Or is-is Cristina kind of her own woman
and you guys are just trying to live your-your...
your lives?
Living on her own, she's rocking it.
I don't think none of us expected this to come,
but, I mean, she's capable to do it,
and, uh, with time,
um, I mean, she'll need us, of course,
but besides that, she can do it all on her own.
Has anybody thought about the long-term, uh, care?
It's starting to really hit me, at least,
that, yeah, I'm actually gonna have to start thinking
about the future
with Cristina, 'cause my parents were always in charge of this.
It was always, "Oh, my parents got this. They've got this."
And as you get older, it's like, okay, well,
that actually becomes a possibility, and now I've...
I've got to start thinking about that.
MICHELLE: We would really love for him
to live in my parents' home
after my parents have gone,
um, and be self-sufficient, because that's the environment
that he's known for 30 years.
He knows all the neighbors. He knows how to get down
to the corner store, and he goes to church nearby.
I mean, he's developed his own life
completely separate from any of us.
It's not even a question of his care.
He's gonna be cared for.
It's just more so of...
him having the ability
to be his own person in his own space.
BRIAN: You know, there's a lot of siblings
that are just starting the journey.
There's some that are, you know,
Mom and Dad just found out they're pregnant,
you know, and they're gonna have someone
with special needs or Down syndrome.
What would you say as a sibling?
I mean, they're just a sibling, so treat them just as that.
Support their dreams, but be honest with them
just like you would, you know, any other sibling.
It'll let their true personality shine, um,
while also keeping them in check at times.
(all laugh)
I think having Rachel as my sister
always makes me remember what's important in life.
We can get caught up in the material items,
but when you really sit back, what's important is just
the people that you love.
And having Rachel as my sibling...
Because we talk so often, I'm reminded,
"Oh, you know, that is what's really important."
So she, you know, subconsciously puts me in check.
(laughs)
I would say everything's gonna be okay.
That's what I would say.
Even when it doesn't feel like it
or things get tough or even when they're not tough,
everything is gonna be okay.
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