>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY!
WELCOME BACK TO THE SHOW!
MY NEXT GUEST FOUNDED A BILLION-DOLLAR
MEDIA EMPIRE AND CAN DECOUPAGE A MEAN EASTER EGG, PLEASE WELCOME
MARTHA STEWART!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING )
>> THANK YOU.
OH, IT'S SO FUN TO BE HERE.
>> Stephen: NICE TO SEE YOU.
WELCOME TO THIS SHOW.
WE TALKED ON THE OLD SHOW BUT WELCOME TO THIS SHOW FOR THE
FIRST TIME, NICE TO SEE YA.
>> IT'S FREEZING IN HERE.
>> Stephen: IT IS.
WE LIKE TO KEEP THE AUDIENCE FRESH LIKE CELERY.
>> CRISPY.
>> Stephen: THIS CAN'T BE AS COLD AS THE LAST PLACE YOU WERE
BECAUSE I SEE THIS.
IS THIS YOURS?
>> THIS IS ME.
>> Stephen: YOU JUST CAME BACK FROM ANTARCTICA.
>> I WAS THERE FOR TEN DAYS, FREEZING COLD.
>> Stephen: YEAH.
BUT WET.
IT WAS RAINING.
>> Stephen: REALLY?
RAINING AND FREEZING AT THE SAME TIME.
>> Stephen: OH, THAT'S CALLED SNOW.
>> NO, NO, I WISH!
>> Stephen: NO?
IT COULD BE JUST ABOVE 32.
>> Stephen: WHAT DOES PENGUIN TASTE LIKE?
>> WELL, IT'S FISHY.
>> Stephen: OH, OKAY.
YEAH, THEY EAT AT LOT OF CRIL, YOU KNOW, THAT'S WHAT THEY
LIVE ON.
>> Stephen: THE TINY SHRIMP.
YEAH.
>> Stephen: DID YOU ACTUALLY EAT A PENGUIN.
>> NO!
>> Stephen: WHAT'S WRONG WITH EATING A PENGUIN?
YOU WILL EAT A DUCK, WON'T YOU?
>> THEY'RE ENDANGERED.
>> Stephen: NO, THEY'RE NOT.
THEY'RE THE RATS OF ANTARCTICA, THEY CALL THEM.
( LAUGHTER ) THEY'LL COME RIGHT AT YOU.
THEY'LL PECK YOUR EYES OUT IF YOU FALL ASLEEP.
>> THEY'RE THE CUTEST LITTLE THINGS.
>> Stephen: I BET DELICIOUS, THOUGH.
>> THEY WERE PECKING AT MY LEGS.
>> Stephen: THEY WERE TRYING TO EAT YOU?
WHAT'S FAIR IS FAIR!
WE'LL FLOWER ARRANGE OVER HERE AND YOU WILL TEACH ME HOW TO DO
IT.
ALL RIGHT?
>> OKAY.
( CHEERING ) >> SO THIS BOOK IS ALL ABOUT HOW
TO GROW, NURTURE AND ENJOY THE FLOWERS YOU GROW IN YOUR GARDEN.
YOU GROW FLOWERS, RIGHT?
>> Stephen: MY WIFE GROWS FLOWERS IN THE GARDEN AND I PAY
FOR IT.
( LAUGHTER ) "MARTHA'S FLOWERS," YOUR 90t
90th BOOK!
YEAH.
>> Stephen: IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> WE BROUGHT YOU AN ASSORTMENT
OF BEAUTIFUL THINGS INCLUDING THIS FABULOUS FLOWER, IT'S
ACTUALLY A SEED POD.
WE CALL THEM HAIRY BALLS.
>> Stephen: HAIRY BALLS.
( LAUGHTER ) I WONDER WHY.
>> DON'T FONDLE THEM TOO MUCH.
>> Stephen: I WON'T.
AND PUSSY WILLOWS.
THEY GO TOGETHER.
>> Stephen: IT'S CBS, MARTHA.
THIS IS YOUR VASE.
>> Stephen: MY VASE.
YES.
>> Stephen: IF IT COSTS MORE THAN $5 IT'S A VAZ.
>> AND THERE ARE CERTAIN TECHNIQUES FOR PUSSY WILL ROWS
WHICH IS SALIX.
YOU TAKE A CLIPPER.
THAT WOULD BE WAY TOO TALL.
CUT IT ON AN ANGLE AND BASH THE END WITH A HAMMER SO THAT --
THAT'S NOT WORKING AT ALL.
>> Stephen: WHY ISN'T IT WORKING?
>> I DON'T KNOW.
YOU HAVE TO HIT IT HARD ENOUGH.
THERE, I BROKE IT.
YOU HAVE TO FLATTEN IT A LITTLE BIT.
>> Stephen: YOU SURE NOW HOW TO POUND THE PUSSY WILLOW.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
>> HUH-OH.
>> Stephen: NOW, LISTEN, WHAT'S THE BEST FLOWER?
>> THE ONE THAT'S IN BLOOM RIGHT NOW.
>> Stephen: THE FLOWER THAT'S IN BLOOM NOW?
>> YES.
>> Stephen: WRONG.
THE ANSWER IS PEONIE.
( LAUGHTER ) WHAT ARE WE DOING?
>> THE BOOK IS FULL OF TECHNIQUES.
THIS IS HOW TO MAKE THE FLOWER STAND-UP RIGHT.
( BANGING ) >> YEAH, YOU DID IT.
>> Stephen: WHAT'S THE PEAR FOR?
( LAUGHTER ) >> YOU KNOW, I DON'T KNOW WHO
PUT THE PEAR HERE.
THAT'S NOT MY STYLE.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: SO I TAKE SOME OF
THESE AND PUT THEM IN THERE?
>> OH, I WOULD.
>> Stephen: IS THAT TOO LONG?
YEAH.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
QUICK PROPORTION NAT.
>> Stephen: A VASECTOMY FOR THE HAIRY BALLS.
( LAUGHTER ) THERE WE GO.
THIS IS THE DIRTIEST FLOWER ARRANGING I'VE EVER HEARD OF AND
I'M JUST FOLLOWING YOUR INSTRUCTIONS.
>> BUT IT'S FUN.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE THESE FANCY THINGS.
>> BEAUTIFUL FERNS.
>> Stephen: WHAT IS THIS, VITAX?
>> NO, MIMOSA.
>> Stephen: LET'S GET HAMMERED.
>> YEAH.
AND THAT YOU COULD EAT.
( LAUGHTER ) AND, YOU KNOW -- DO YOU KNOW
THAT TULIPS OFTENTIMES WILL START TO NOD.
>> Stephen: THEY'LL START TO NOD BECAUSE THEY'RE ON HEROIN.
( LAUGHTER ) >> SO TO PREVENT THAT, JUST TAKE
A PEN, ANY STRAIGHT PIN WILL BE, AND RIGHT UNDER THE HEAD, YOU
JUST PIERCE IT.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
NOT TOO HARD.
DON'T BE MEAN.
AAAHHH!
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: THIS IS MUCH
EASIER.
NOW, WHAT ARE THESE?
>> YOU'RE ENJOYING IT.
>> Stephen: WHAT ARE THESE RIGHT HERE?
>> THOSE ARE PANSIES, AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT THOSE ARE OUT
HERE FOR.
THEY ARE EDIBLE SOMETIMES.
>> Stephen: I HOPE SO.
UNLESS THEY HAVE BEEN SPRAYED WITH SOME INSECTICIDE, WHICH --
>> Stephen: FANTASTIC.
( LAUGHTER ) >> MANY N MY GARDEN EVERYTHING
IS READY TO EAT BECAUSE -- >> Stephen: IT'S ALL ORGANIC.
IT'S ALL ORGANIC.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO GO IN A MINUTE.
BEFOREHAND WE PUT ONE TOGETHER AND YOU DID, TOO.
YOU GO FIRST.
OH, THAT'S ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS.
>> SEE, MINE WOULD LOOK LIKE THAT.
>> Stephen: THAT'S GREAT.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS CALLED?
( CHEERING ) PRETTY GOOD, RIGHT?
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS CALLED?
>> Stephen: WHAT IS THAT CALLED?
>> THIS IS CALLED LOVE LIES A-BLEEDING.
IT COMES IN RED WHICH IS EVEN MORE BLEEDING BUT THE GREEN IS
NICE.
A LOT OF FLOWERS HAVE ROMANTIC NAMES.
THIS IS A BEAUTIFUL ARRANGEMENT.
>> Stephen: YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL LADY.
MARTHA, THANKS FOR BEING HERE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THE BOOK IS CALLED MARTHA'S
FLOWERS AVAILABLE IN STORES NOW, WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK!