- [Amanda] Hey, Psych2Goers.
Do you hate going home?
Family should feel like a sanctuary,
a place where you feel loved and safe.
For some lucky people,
it may be just so.
However for others,
a family home may be everything
but a sanctuary.
And since you spend most of your time
with your family,
you may have become used
to that type of environment.
Because of it,
you may be living in a toxic family
without even knowing it.
Something might feel wrong,
but you're so used to living
in a toxic environment
that it doesn't cross your mind
that other families have it better.
For this reason,
here are five differences
between healthy and toxic family dynamics.
Number one, communication.
Healthy.
Are you able to communicate your needs and opinions?
In a healthy family,
you're not afraid to say what's on your mind
and are happy to listen to your family members.
If there's something bothering you,
you know that they're always there for you
to help you with whatever you need.
Toxic.
But if your family is toxic,
things may be a bit different.
Your opinion and feelings may be invalidated.
You can't even think
about talking to your family
about your problems
because they'll either ignore you
or turn it into a yelling match.
In the end,
you may learn to ignore them
and to avoid bringing up
any of your problems to them
since not communicating at all
feels better than being put down
or having feelings.
Number two, respect.
Healthy.
Is respect important in your family?
In healthy families,
being respected and respecting the people around you
is an important idea that is often
taught from an early age.
Parents that care for their children
know they are not their priority.
They're small people with their own minds.
They know their kids need validation
and respect to grow into healthy
and functional adults.
As children are shown respect,
they learn to also show it to their parents,
other people and also to themselves.
Toxic.
Unfortunately, some families don't see respect
as such a big deal.
Sometimes they may think
it's a one sided gesture,
where parents get to demand respect
from their kids,
but don't show it to them in return.
Children in these types
of households may be taught
to not talk back,
not to demand anything,
and to just listen and do as they're told.
Often without any explanation.
This can have a negative effect
where they end up doing things
in fear of punishment
instead of in kindness.
In the long run,
they may even start to resent their parents.
Number three, criticism.
Healthy.
When you care about somebody,
you wanna be honest with them,
even if the truth is not always the prettiest.
Healthy families know that.
And so, are not afraid
to give constructive criticism
to their family members.
When they critique,
they do it gently
by emphasizing the good
and giving suggestions about the bad.
Ultimately, they just want their loved ones
to be the best version of themselves
and they wanna help them on that path.
Toxic.
In a toxic family,
criticism is often used as a weapon
to attack and belittle other family members.
It's harsh, excessive,
and extremely hurtful.
In families like these,
you may hear comments like,
"You can't do anything right,
"just look at yourself.
"You're stupid.
"What do you know?"
In this situation,
you can't really grow as a person
and it can take a toll on your feelings
of self-worth and self-esteem.
Number four, privacy.
Healthy.
Do they respect your time and your space?
Privacy is an important
aspect of a child's life.
It helps them develop
into a strong, mindful person.
So parents in healthy families
will keep that in their mind.
This means knocking on
their child's door before entering.
Not listening in on conversations
and never going through their things.
If there is a reason when privacy
really needs to be invaded,
they make sure to explain
why that needs to happen
and apologize for it.
Toxic.
On the other hand,
toxic parents won't think twice
when it comes to invading
their children's privacy.
They might ask too many questions
and over interfere.
For example, they might read their kids' diary.
Demand to go through their phone
or find excuse is to stay
in their child's room
when they have friends over.
If a child tries to be assertive
and ask for their boundaries to be respected,
they may just argue with them
or pretend to do so.
And number five, affection.
Healthy.
Is it usual for your family to show affection?
Perhaps a kiss on the cheek, a long hug,
or even just a word of kindness.
In a healthy family,
family members love each other
and are not afraid to show it.
No matter what happens,
you know you are loved
and you will always try to make sure
that others know you love them too.
While directly saying, "I love you"
might not be a thing for some families.
Small acts of kindness
may speak louder than words.
Toxic.
However, for toxic families,
even if you do love each other,
you may not know how to show it
or even feel comfortable showing it.
Members may ignore the important aspects
of family life
or take their family members for granted.
Since it may be rare
for you to get a hug or a kiss from your family,
you might seek that love outside of your home.
In which category would you put your family?
Do you feel like you may not be perfect,
but you're still okay?
Or do you see the signs of an unhealthy dynamic?
Let us know in the comments below.
If you found this video helpful,
be sure to like, subscribe,
and share this video
with those who might benefit from it.
And don't forget to hit
the notification bell icon
to get notified whenever Psych2Go
posts a new video.
The references and studies
used in this video
are added in the description below.
Thanks for watching
and see you in our next video.