Welcome to Children's Mom Docs.
I’m Dr. Dehra Harris. I’m a pediatric
psychiatrist at St. Louis Children's
Hospital. Today we're going to be talking
about how to address repeated behaviors.
Now, you can actually take all of your
kids' behaviors and divide them into two
buckets. One is “things you wish they
would start doing” and others are the
“things you wish they would stop doing.”
You can actually sit down, have a family
meeting, and look at the stuff that you
are wasting your day on. How many times are
you having to say, “no.” and address the
same problems?
We are much, much better at
finding things we wish they would stop.
Don't worry, it's your wiring. It's not
bad parenting. OK? Here's what we need to
do: Make a list. Things that you want them
to stop are whining. For me, I can’t take it.
It's always the top of the list and it
has to be stopped. Things like whining
can be counted.
Now, I’m not talking about the endless
counting where you get to 10, you go up, you
go back. Counting is actually a two-step
process. They get a “one” that tells them,
"This is a behavior I don't want you to
do anymore." They get about five or ten
seconds so they can think about a
different choice, then they get to the
“two.” Once you're at “two,” this means, “we're
done if it happens again.” They get
another few seconds, just long enough to
process, and then they get the “three” and an
immediate consequence. The key for “stop”
behaviors is by the time you're at “three,”
something about their world has to
change. That can be leaving a store,
turning off the TV, but it's a very clear
system that you can make two choices and,
after that, we're just done.
"Start" Behaviors:
This is the hard part. These are the
things that we want to motivate but we
tend to punish. So we want them to get in
the car quickly, but what we do is start yelling
or getting mad or saying, “We’re not going.”
If you want them, then there needs to be an
incentive that happens only once the
seatbelt clicks. It can be simple things.
It can be a piece of gum. It can be a
sticker.
How do you find motivators? Here's the
easiest thing: The things that motivate
your kid are the stuff they don't want to
stop doing.
Don't worry, we're all in this together.
Once you've got your list, you also need
to stay motivated, yourself. Be sure to
build in some rewards.
Thanks for tuning in. Be sure to check
out the other videos on our Channel.