Well, stay tuned because you are not going to want to miss this video.
Hey there, I'm Rebecca Zung.
I am a lawyer.
I am a narcissist negotiation expert
and before we go any further, make sure you subscribe to this channel
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new videos every single day
and if you want to survive living with a narcissist dealing, with toxic personalities in your life,
you will want to make sure you stick around.
Okay, so holidays are coming up and maybe you have a toxic personality in your life
and you want to know, how are you going to survive the holidays.
Because narcissist are the worst during the holidays
and why is that?
Why are they always the worst during the holidays?
Well, they're the worst during the holidays because they love to get narcissistic supply.
That's what they live for. That's their food.
That's their lifeblood.
That is their oxygen and during the holidays,
they have to act the worst during the holidays
because then they can get more attention
for themselves and they hate when everybody else is getting attention.
So they want to act up during the holidays,
you know, so that's what they do and so
how are you going to survive the holidays?
Okay. So for one thing, if you've got children with a narcissist,
especially if you are in a divorce situation,
If it's a temporary situation,
you really want to make sure you have a written parenting plan in place.
Even if it's a temporary parenting plan.
Specificity, the more specificity that you can have,
the better It's going to be for you and what I mean
by that is not like some sort of like,
oh we're going to have Christmas Day, Christmas Eve.
I'm talking about specifics dates, times,
hours, minutes, exact,
who is picking up, who, where, which house, in front of the curb.
The more specificity you can have,
the more peaceful it will be for your life,
because the more gray area that you have,
that's when it gets all crazy for you.
So I would have a very very specific parenting plan in place and in writing
and if it is in writing and it gets violated,
make sure that you file that motion for contempt, file that motion to enforce.
Don't let them get away with anything
and don't be afraid to file that motion to enforce
or for contempt because the narcissist has been conditioning
you for a really long time and you have to start conditioning them back.
You have to let them know, there's a new game in town
and the new game in town is that you are stronger now.
The not-so-secret secret is that the narcissist is actually way more afraid of you
than you are of them.
They just don't want you to know it.
So you're letting them know incrementally little by little that.
You are stronger now that you're no longer
going to take it and they don't want you to know that
and so just start standing up to them a little bit at a time
and you'll start to see they're not going to like it at first,
but it's okay.
You're going to start to see that things are going to start to shift
for you in that way.
All right, so make sure you have a really really specific parenting plan in place.
You don't allow yourself to be triggered.
Don't take their bait.
They're going to try to trigger you.
You're not going to take it.
You're just going to be like, mmm.
Okay. I see that you are throwing things my way.
I'm not taking your bait.
Oh, that's nice.
That you just said that thing to me.
Oh, I'm just seeing it go by.
I see what you're doing.
You know, it's almost like you're watching the news.
When I was a kid, dodgeball was a thing.
You know, I used to see the ball go by and hit the wall.
I'm not not engaging with you in this conversation.
I'm not allowing you to trigger me.
I'm just seeing it happen because a
lot of times they're going to try to trigger you.
They're going to try to engage you in things and remember,
especially with tex t messages emails,
things like that, not only they're trying to trigger you,
they're trying to get you
and goad you into saying things in text
or an email that they're going to use against you.
Remember, being with a narcissist is like getting arrested.
Anything you say or do will eventually be used against you.
So, you know, be very very careful about that and
by the way, I have a whole video on how to respond to narcissist text messages.
Definitely check out my video on that.
Don't get too emotional.
So definitely do not allow yourself to be triggered.
if you are spending the holidays alone or you feel like you're alone.
Take care of yourself. Use breathing methods.
Take care of yourself. Drink your tea.
Remember who you are.
Don't take things personally.
Remember that a narcissist is a traumatized person.
Hurt people, hurt people.
Remember that that's what you're dealing with.
they are a traumatized hurt person.
You have to consider the source of what it is that you're dealing with
and who it is that you're dealing with.
You can't take things personally.
One of the books that I absolutely love is The Four Agreements and it's
four agreements that you make with yourself and you know,
one of the agreements is that you never take things personally
because the way people treat other people,
is always a direct reflection of the way they feel about themselves.
When people go after other people and say things about other people,
it's always fear-based.
People are always motivated by either fear or love
and so when they, when they go after people
and they say things about people that hurtful or not
so nice or whatever.
It's always always always fear-based.
You just have to consider the source, right?
As my dad always used to say, consider the source.
So, you know, remember who you're dealing with
and consider that source and say to yourself,
you know a mantra,
I am stronger than they are
and I want you to put that in the comments right now.
I'm stronger than they are.
I'm stronger than they are because that is the absolute truth
You are.
They don't want you to know that but you actually are.
I mean they have no sense of self.
They absolutely don't and you know,
that's why they're try to lay our on all this external stuff all the time.
That's why they're trying to put people down all the time to try to make themselves feel better
because there's they're so insecure all the time.
They wouldn't treat people so poorly, constantly, so hostily.
If they felt good about themselves inside.
The only reason why they people badly is because
they feel terrible about themselves inside.
So consider the source and write down,
I'm stronger than they are because you absolutely are.
All right.
So that's how you're going to survive the holidays with that narcissist
and remember that you absolutely are stronger than they are.
Take care of yourself. Never leave your thoughts unsupervised.
By the way.
I don't.
You know that's part of your self-care methods.
Listen to audible, some kind of great books on Audible or listen to YouTube videos if you need to.
Do whatever you need to to keep your vibrational thoughts
as high as you possibly can and keep your thoughts programmed.
Because you know what the input is keeps your output good as well.
So those are my pieces of advice for you for surviving holidays with a narcissist
and for all of you out there,
defend your light with your life
and I wish you lots of light and love during this beautiful holiday season
and remember to grab my free
Crush my negotiation prep worksheet
at winmynegotiation.com.
If you haven't already done that.
Join my free private Facebook group at
Narcissist Negotiators.
If you haven't already done that, subscribe to this channel.
Subscribe, hit that notification bell and I'm so happy that you're here.
I'm so happy that you're part of this community.
Remember that today is always a great day to start negotiating your best life.
I'm Rebecca Zung
I'm so happy to have you here and namaste.