[MUSIC PLAYING
"Father's Days" by Bob, an illustrated memoir of a first-time dad.
I don't remember being anxious or scared about becoming a dad, but I think that's because
I was so sure that nothing would go wrong.
[ALARM RINGING]
[FOOTSTEPS RUNNING]
You often imagine how you'd respond in an emergency situation. We all like to think
we're cope with it like people do in films or on television, but I really didn't have
a clue. I've never been good with blood. They told me I could say hello quickly before they
took her away. When I said, "I'm your dad," it sounded like an apology.
The next few hours were confusing. We didn't understand exactly what had happened, just
that she was very ill and needed to be transferred somewhere else.
[MACHINE BEEPING]
My wife had to stay behind to recover from the surgery. I tried to ignore how fast the
ambulance was traveling. When you see all those machines and tubes and wires and hear
all the beeps and alarms, that's when I realized it was a life or death situation.
The doctor was very frank with me. He explained my daughter's condition was incredibly serious.
She'd suffered an injury to her brain.
At that point, I was beginning to realize how helpless hopelessly out of my depth I was.
Once I got back to my room, all the emotion suddenly took over, because dads
are supposed to be heroes, aren't they? I think I was expecting to have a baby and suddenly
be transformed into this person who knew how to deal with any situation. I had a family
now that needed me and we were all facing a huge struggle.
I just didn't feel strong enough.
When cerebral palsy was first mentioned, my first thought was, well, I don't really know
what that is. The parent hood I'd been anticipating was gradually fading away, and it was being
replaced with loads of questions. Eventually she opened her eyes and we got to hold her
for the first time. Although she was still connected to a lot of equipment, it felt like
she was finally connected to us as well.
When you've been in an environment like that with a new baby, with so many doctors and
nurses, and then you finally get home, it's eerily quiet. There's no alarm to tell you
if she stopped breathing. I don't think either of us really slept.
But things got easier.
Well, we got more used to it, like all parents do, and we were so busy.
Sometimes, it's still really hard to deal with. You have a lot of guilt and sadness
about the situation. But most the time, you're just astounded by what she's accomplishing
and focusing on how much fun you're having together.
When she took those first steps
on her frame, we were all so excited. There was always a big question mark over walking.
But quite often you find that when one question mark disappears, another one springs up to
take it's place.
The process of drawing what happened has been really cathartic for me and helped me realize
just how far we've all come.
After all the complications, the idea of having another baby was frightening
but ultimately we realized it was what we all wanted and needed
My experience of fatherhood hasn't really been anything
like what I imagined it would be, but that's probably true of all dads.
I'm definitely a different person now.
The whole thing about being a hero and knowing how to save the day -
I wasn't supposed to be the hero in all of this.
There were plenty of them-- the doctors, the nurses, the physios, the paramedics
and the little girl who showed me what it really means to be brave and determined
and strong.
She taught me that just being a dad is more than enough.