- [Rafa] Are you ever worried I may fall in love
with someone else?
- Mm-Hm. - And why?
- Yeah, that worries me sometimes.
You know, when we have visitors from other countries.
(laughing)
It's because of my own insecurities.
One time, I don't even remember the context,
but, I really appreciate you're honest
and you freely share things.
But, you said you liked these guys.
They were just really thin
and you like that
and I'm not that.
I even sometimes really, truly wonder
if you could fall in love with a woman.
'Cause I know how openly loving you are
and I love that about you.
But, I can't be a woman either.
And so, yeah, I sometimes do.
- As you know, we always talk about this idea
of being monogamous while,
at the same time, being polyamorous.
So, I'll be honest with you,
I still mourn this idea of experiencing other people,
of actuating love with other people.
I remain in love with several people
and I fall in love with people.
I mean, you know that.
- I guess I'm not worried
because I know that you do love other people,
I'm afraid that you'll leave me
or choose them over me.
- Okay. - That's the better answer.
I'm afraid you'll choose them over me.
- Okay.
What would make you leave me?
- Sometimes we go to conventional
or traditional conservative churches.
So, if you got healed (laughing)
of being gay, I would probably,
I'm not sure, but I thought about it before.
Like, when we first moved back to Texas,
I thought, if some of these people are praying for you
to get healed,
I don't even know if I could stay in the town.
- Just so you know,
I don't pray for healing.
(laughing)
It's your turn.
- What change in me could I make
to improve my relationship with my mom?
- Mm.
Mm.
- They're not even charging for this counseling session.
(laughing)
- Seeing Mom going through her process.
Dealing with Mom's dementia
and that and seeing that.
Also have to grapple with it,
to deal with it.
If you were able to,
with Mom, just be with it.
Be with who she is.
Love her the way you love her
and just suspend all the shoulds,
all the criticism,
all the I wish she this,
or I wish that,
so total acceptance,
regardless of the circumstances.
Your love,
your acceptance of this human being is not tied
with anything they have done
or anything they have failed to do.
- Do you regret committing to me?
And what I mean by that is
with all my family's quirks
and so, now that you know me well and profoundly
and part of some of my insecurities and stuff,
do you regret committing to me?
- Mm-mm, not a single second.
No.
None of my other partners
or people I dated gave me this sense of, kind of, home.
This is like it's home,
you're home to me.
And that was easy.
- Why do you love me?
- There's not a reason or a thing
and this is why it's so valuable.
It's just, I just do.
I've never, even when I was married to a woman
and going through a divorce,
I've told you this before,
I prayed to God for you.
It's just, it just is.
I love you
and it's profound
and I know that not everybody's gonna be able
to experience that true, true love.
This type of love that Gabriel Garcia Marquez talks about
in "Cien Anos de Soledad"
and it's just because.
I don't know.
- Ditto.