- If you think I'm gonna (beep) off
a dead man, you're crazy.
- Retrieving sperm,
shouldn't be one of the first stages of grief.
- [Doctor Voiceover] When I first did it,
and we didn't even have computers.
- And I want other people to know to,
that he wasn't born because I wanted a piece of my husband.
He was born, because this was what we decided.
(soft music)
- [Reporter] With the help of advanced reproductive medicine
and progressive laws around fertility.
It's a lot easier for people
to plan their pregnancies these days.
In fact, over eight million babies have been born
through in vitro fertilization
since 1978, when the first IVF baby was born.
But, what would you do if you were planning to have children
with the love of your life,
but then the unthinkable happens,
and their time is cut short?
If there was a way to still have a baby with them,
would you try?
I'm Lea Zora, and today I'm on quest to find out
how and why some people choose to procreate with the dead.
So right now,
I'm headed to a small town outside of San Diego.
It's a couple miles north of the U.S. Mexico border.
To a woman named Mercedes, she's 25 years old.
I'm going to her house to meet her.
She's one of about 20 or so women, in the United States
that have had a child from,
the procedure known as postmortem sperm retrieval.
I've spoken to a couple women,
and most of them declined to be on camera.
But Mercedes, has agreed to speak to us.
Hi, how's it going?
Hi, Mercedes.
(dramatic music)
(police sirens)
- [Emergency Operator] 9-1-1,
what's the nature of your emergency?
(police sirens)
(dramatic music)
- That day in general was kind of normal.
I was running errands early in the morning,
and it was raining that day.
And my dad walked through the door, and he told me the news.
And, I thought he was joking at first
because my husband was such a jokester.
And I thought,
oh he's gonna walk through that door right now.
And he's gonna say surprise, I'm here.
And, yeah it didn't happen like that.
(soft music)
- [Lea] Wow, it's like an actual treasure chest.
- Yeah, I keep everything.
- Oh my goodness.
- He wrote me every single day,
and told me exactly what he was doing.
And what he was learning.
I wrote him, just like I would speak to him.
(in foreign language)
- I love you a lot.
When I went to go visit him for his first graduation,
he wanted to talk to me about
cryo preservation of his tissue.
And honestly, I thought he was crazy.
You were 23 years old, I was 21.
We don't need to be talking about doing stuff like that.
You know, 'cause when do you think you're gonna die, really?
Nobody knows.
Being in the military kind of sparked that thought.
Thinking okay, like there's a possibility
that my line of work, can kill me.
And he said, you know what?
I am very serious.
He took out his notebook,
and he wrote about a half page,
of his wishes.
He signed it, dated it.
And that's the letter that gave me,
the right to do what I did.
- [Lea Voiceover] Having the written consent,
gave Mercedes the legal right to extract her husbands sperm.
But, did she break any laws by actually having his baby?
- Legally, postmortem sperm retrieval is complicated
for a number of reasons.
One, is because state laws may differ
about what happens if a child is born
from postmortem sperm retrieval?
What are the inheritance rules?
Does the child qualify for social security?
So, there are those kind of legal layers, and nuances
that you're probably not thinking about at the moment
where you're just like,
okay, let's take this one step at time.
Let's do sperm retrieval.
And then, we can kind of think about usage later.
But there are not particularly great laws, exactly on point.
Like, this is not allowed, or this is allowed.
So, it's not outlawed, so you can do it.
You just have to find somebody
who's a willing practitioner, willing physician,
to do both the retrieval.
And then when you use it.
You're gonna need to have assisted reproductive technology
as part of that plan.
- Finding Doctor Rothman, was not easy.
I called about four different cryo banks.
And they all laughed at me.
And said that, what I was doing was wrong.
And that, I should just grieve in the moment.
Which I totally understand.
But, I called Doctor Rothman.
And they said, oh yeah, we've done this before.
And it kind of, blew my mind a little bit.
'Cause I thought okay, like someone is going to help me
at least get through this first process.
He told me that the greater success of good multiple sperm
is within the first 24 hours of an individual passing.
So when he arrived to the coroners office
to do the procedure, it had been about 26 hours.
We were cutting it there.
But he did everything that he could.
And he said that, he would help me.
- [Lea Voiceover] After listening to Mercedes story.
And learning more about the legal issues.
I'm still pretty curious to know,
how the medical procedure is done.
So, I went straight to the source.
(groovy music)
- [Dr. Rothman Voiceover] My name is Dr. Cappy Rothman.
I'm a physician, board certified neurology.
But also founded the California Cryobank.
Which is now, the largest sperm bank in the world.
And we're probably responsible,
for the birth of over 200,000 children.
And my claim to fame, I guess, would be,
the first person who ever did a postmortem sperm retrieval.
That is very good motility.
- [Nurse] It is very good.
Oh and then after freezing, yeah.
- Now in 1978, when I first did it.
And we didn't even have computers.
There was no way through anything other than my imagination.
So I said,
well, I think there are three options.
One option, is to inject the spinal column with neostigmine.
Which will cause the whole body
to go into involuntary spasms.
And maybe he'll ejaculate.
Another way is to remove all of the tissue,
where sperm reside.
And the third one, is to manually stimulate.
And maybe he will ejaculate.
And there was a hesitation on the other side.
And he said, doc I've been asked to do a lot of things
as a neurosurgeon.
But if you think I'm gonna (beep) off
a dead man, you're crazy.
Out of the 180 cases, the sperm are hardly used.
Retrieving the sperm, gives them hope
if they're interested in having children.
They know that option is viable.
- Well, I had a feeling, that it had worked.
So I went, I bought a pregnancy test.
And,
I saw the brightest, two lines ever.
And it came back positive.
I remember feeling, very excited and nervous.
And I thought, oh my gosh, am I gonna be a good mom?
Am I gonna be able to give him everything that he needs?
(baby crying)
(dramatic music)
(baby crying)
And he does a lot of little gestures,
that would remind me of my husband.
His personality, is exactly like his.
He is stubborn, and he is strong.
And he has a character, that nobody can break down.
So,
he is one of a kind, really.
(soft music)