[Music]
so hello hello my name is my name it's
not up there anymore okay
my name is bent Washburn I have been
doing stand-up comedy for living for 28
years and I still have to tell you who I
am so that's how well it's been going
not famous I'm not famous for comedy not
famous there are some advantages to
being a comic that's not famous for
instance right now your expectations
pretty low and based on some of the
expressions I see already met so that
was easy
I know you're not here for comedy here
to learn you're here to learn stuff I'm
just impressed that there are this many
people that are still trying to learn
and remember things I mean with Google
around I just stopped you still try to I
just I only try to remember enough so I
can google it later so if I can spell it
I can google it that's my I will
actively not listen to you if you give
me street by street directions to a
location and I'm holding my cell phone I
said no you need to stop now because I'm
just gonna enter in this and forget it's
learning it gets harder to learn
apparently do you know that they say
they say that after age 40 your brain
can't remember and learn new things as
well I don't believe it I think my brain
could remember and learn new things
it just won't and I know why I think I
know why because it still remembers all
of these things I make it learn and then
never use been doing it for years so now
when I tell my brain this is important
we got to remember this my brain does
not trust my judgment
say a right idiot that you've been
saying this crap for years that's what
you said about high school geometry to
remember that Fiasco hours of study in
straight A's in geometry and now we are
a comic that can calculate the volume of
a cylinder height times PI R squared do
you think that comes in handy do you
think I ever calculate the volume of a
cell I don't have to every time I buy a
beer the answer is right on the camera
if they put it it's right there I mean
it looks about right they don't show
that work but I believe them I just
waste all this stuff you know a lot of
stuff you don't even use huh especially
when you're young
they make you learn a whole bunch of
stuff don't you teachers because we're
young we have a wide open future you
have no idea what we'll do you know most
of us won't do much but it's your job to
pretend so you cram it in there and then
we don't use it and I'm not the worst
case of wasted knowledge in the head in
America we have people life in prison
straight A's through high school now
they're behind bars and can man that ap
geometry in history credit never really
panned out for me in my life who should
have taught me all that garbage they
should have taught me something like
this you taught me how to clean a crime
scene how to hide a body
does get harder to learn as you get
older maybe this is why I am now 55
years old 55 year old comedian now for
thousands of years do you know the
typical 55 year old man did he died 25
years ago and I think our brain
remembers that somewhere deep it's like
what are you doing we don't learn stuff
now it's the slow coast you idiot it's
55 it's not old my wife thinks it's my
wife thought I was old at 40 because
she's 7 years younger than me so that
was older this is how I know she thought
I was old at 40 we moved to Monterey
California right on the beach I knew she
thought I was old I got this present for
my 40th birthday on the beach what would
you give a beachside birthday boogie
board snorkeling gear no metal detector
does this come with dress socks and
sandals maybe a hernia belt case I find
something heavy somebody thinks I'm home
I'm not that old I know I'm not I'm 55
that started this year people started
calling me not that old that started
this year which is a shorter version of
sure you're old but you're not that old
that's where I am now I'm at not that
old I swear just a couple years ago I
was pretty young people who were really
really old would say I was pretty young
now no one said no one would say I'm
pretty young unless I died I think we
can all agree that I'm still pretty
young for a dead man
I mean that's if I died that says pretty
young
if I died would they say he still had so
much left to give no no no and they
would not they would say he was pretty
young but he wasn't young he had he was
almost empty
you could get some out of him if he had
like a rubber spatula you could like
she's getting harder to learn I guess
it is repetition that's the problem your
memory starts going key to memory
repetition that's how you remember facts
also how you believe baloney did you
know that humans will believe anything
that we hear three times if we hear
something three times we believe it do
you believe me or do I need to tell you
one more time I said so what happens we
mistake familiarity with truth like you
can hear something ridiculous the first
time like maybe this did this sweep
through the Reno area did you hear this
one the average person swallows eight
spiders in their sleep every year and
your brain said that couldn't be true
but then the next day a person who you
thought was educated insane
said did you know the average person
swallows eight spiders in their sleep
every year and your brain said that
sound that then the next day someone
said did you know the average person
swallows yeah eight spiders in their
sleep every year I know I'm not an idiot
all right I hear things three times
remember them believe them okay like you
I am self-taught and eight is the
average number you swallow that changes
depending on where you live it could go
up or down I've noticed this once we
believe baloney we will take the liberty
to add our own flavors and spices the
average goes up or down like you live
way up north it's cold fewer spiders
plus more beards per capita spiders
can't get over the beards lowers the
average you live by the equator huge
spiders nobody swallows us a tarantula
in their sleep what drives the average
up or the temperate climates trillions
of little bite-sized spiders there in
the spider belt or arachnid alley
I don't know depending on which term you
hear three times first is you can't just
learn right you might learn something
that's baloney now you got a stupid
opinion in your head what do you do with
stupid opinions you defend them with
your life it's what you do and share
them true it must be an evolutionary
advantage to stupid opinions because
they're everywhere surely here's one I
think one they're easier to remember
because there's your details which also
means your brain can hold more of them
for every one informed opinion you could
hold 30 stupid opinions of course how do
you solve problems in life with all
those stupid opinions volume
you stupid opinions you defend them
there's there's another advantage of
stupid pain it's easy to get easier to
defend a stupid opinion informed
opinions hard to defend huh
hard to get hard to do this is how you
defend any stupid opinion you can learn
this at the TEDx conference you can go
home with this little skill you all have
at least a few stupid opinions they say
defend everyone and they say do it well
that's what I heard if your opinion
stupid enough you can just sight hearing
it as evidence that it's true I've heard
this like three times you expect me to
believe something I heard three times is
false I highly doubt it and here's
something unexpected the best way to
argue against that argument this is the
best rebuttal here it is you're not
gonna expect this this is how you do it
well that's not what I heard
counterintuitive yeah I'd be stupider
you can sight not hearing it as evidence
that it's not true well I'm sorry but
this is the first time I have heard this
haven't even heard this once let alone
three times so of course now you're in a
stupid argument that's something I know
about if I were to give it to a talk I
could give one on stupid arguments I've
been I've been in these things for years
I mean before Facebook I I'm an expert
at stupid arguments got some pointers
first of all I got a people who'd get
defensive stupid arguments that's what
we do right no or you call me a liar no
I'm just saying maybe you heard
something that's false three times and
believed it
knock on your liar I think he's calling
you stupid Bob I'm not calling them
stupid well that's what I heard you get
defensive here's what I like to do in a
stupid argument you can use this one
this is really good one well I read I'll
say I read something I'm gonna bully
them with my literacy stand back
everybody we got a reader talking reader
talking everybody give him some room
thank you very much thank you thank you
I read on the Internet false alarm not
really read or more of a mean browser
like the rest of us full of second-hand
hearsay bullcrap
that's a stupid argument right you just
you're either trying to sound smart
here's another way to sound smart I like
to do this one percentages you just use
a percentage with your opinion it makes
it sound about 90% smarter well that's
what I heard
or you can make the other person feel
dumb that's a good strategy
like here's one maybe you do you you
couch an insult when you preface the
argument like here's the one here's a
method right here well any idiot knows
ah then your opinion see any idiot knows
implying that they if they disagree with
you are dumber than an idiot also
implying that as you form your opinions
you consult idiots you think I go out on
a limb with this alone I've talked to
the idiots about this I've heard the
idiots say this more than three times
this is peer-reviewed research it's sad
you know this is sad you can actually
sometimes you will believe something the
first time you hear it you can believe
baloney the first time you hear it if it
matches up with something you've heard
three times
it's called confirmation bias if you
guys heard of confirmation bias I have
several times
read about it on the internet itself
confirmation bias would work this side
would work you know the average person
swallows about 16 insects in their sleep
everybody vit makes sense we're already
swallowing like eight spiders yeah it's
probably why they crawl in there they're
chasing the bugs and such but you can
end up with so much Bologna in your head
that's the problem you got to keep
learning as you get older you can't just
not learn you have to unlearn when you
get old and that's hard not only unlearn
facts and Technology behavior that's the
hardest you ask us to unlearn behavior
and that's I'm gonna say I'm pretty old
now but it's hard it's hard cuz it all
changes and we got a social justice
warriors I you're doing work good work
sometimes I get it but if we to help us
keep up if you could print some sort of
quarterly magazine large print of course
this is a comic I'm always getting in
trouble because the boundaries changed
like and I don't always agree like I
will always agree I think this is a good
joke this happened I was shopping for
television you've done this
comparing the screens I got it down to
either the Sony that's a Japanese
television or the Samsung right and then
and then an LG which is Korean
television and after like an hour I gave
up and I turned to the clerk it's a
comedian I am older I guess and I turned
the comedian I said you know what to me
all Asian televisions look alike
and I got a mixed response like you gave
me but I'm joking about a phrase that
could be said by a racist but it's the
phrase isn't and I couldn't tell the
difference between the televisions the
clerk could of course he could he works
there plus he scream or her Japanese I
can't tell but the point is now is that
racism no that's those are two different
nationalities that's stupid I I have
friends from both nationalities but I
just I don't have it down to where I
would trust my moving on Jun all the
word racism was coined in 1906 this
reihard 1906 and I heard that or read it
on the internet and I thought that seems
a little late to come up with that word
I mean we did it for a long time before
we came up with a word which makes me
wonder I wonder what horrible thing
we're doing now that we don't even have
a word for it yet and then our
great-great grandkids have come up with
the word kids and he'll throw it in your
young people's faces and said grandpa
you guys were swingers well we all swing
coat everybody speckled it was a
different time we didn't know better
what is our swig lling I think the
environment is a good chance that this
wiggling might be the environment and
young people complain about the
environment they blame old people
because you don't know how crappy it was
before he got here it was disgusting I
remember when we would litter we would
just litter and it was convenient it
it was if you could just trash any car
window was a trash can any not one for
plastic one for paper you just could go
but we knew it was wrong and I'm young
people I'm glad that you find that
repugnant but the reason you know it's
repugnant boomers taught you boomers
notice they're in the beach running
through the trash go and this is gross
so they made a commercial this is how
bad it got they put an adult in an owl
costume and they did a commercial to
teach you not to litter give a hoot
don't pollute that's how you know it was
awful for adults they got they got an
Italian actor and they dressed him up
like a Native American only we called it
Indian because we didn't know better and
then he cried about litter I mean you
weren't self enlightened is my point
so anyway I think global warming is one
of them and there's a different
generationally we're different about
global warming aren't we older people
are not as concerned it seems maybe it's
the time frame of it 10 feet by 2050
let's see that all be carry the one rule
that's not my problem
and it was much worse it was way worse
it was so bad the environment so bad we
noticed it we noticed we didn't need a
scientist to point it out like you
wouldn't notice a lot of the things of
global warming and temperature climate
change on your own if you live by a
glacier you would notice you would look
out the window and say wow we've got a
yard now but well you wouldn't notice
the ocean going up two millimeters like
when you went to the beach every year
but oh my goodness does the ocean seem
deeper to you this year we noticed we
didn't need to a scientist to tell us
there's a problem when in 1973 the
Cuyahoga River caught on fire the whole
river on fire I'm saying any idiot knows
it's a problem when the river is in
flames probably was an idiot that
noticed down smoking by the river he's
smoking his back then they were good for
you and he threw one in the river I was
whoa that is not supposed to do that I'm
not a scientist but I'm pretty sure that
was supposed to sting gosh my cigarette
steady it is spreading like a son of a
gun
Wow yes we'll call the fire department
but tell them to check their water you
might how to set pair of digging shift
here they blew it on the name I think
rather the global warming was not a good
name cuz it's too comforting if you want
to mobilize people don't put warm and
the titles who know warm will it also be
toasty 70s we had a horrible problem
great name
here's your name acid rain that'll get
your attention maybe a little too much I
mean that's scarier acid rain my
goodness you ask questions while you
write the check how many zeros do you
need
what kind of asset what are we talking
here do I pull my car in the garage or
do a run outside with my mouth open
is this a party or a problem
turns out it's a problem or that's what
I've heard
good night everybody
[Applause]