i'm scared of myself because i fantasize
about hurting and torturing people
and potentially ending their life on a
daily basis
i'm scared that someday i will snap and
actually end up doing it
[Music]
i felt like i have daddy issues because
i've had vivid romantic dreams about
running away with my professor
in his 50s who i think flirts with me
i attended swinger's parties pretty
regularly
as a single male and love the atmosphere
and attention
i secretly want to attend them with my
current girlfriend
but she has no idea about it
i had a secret feeling with an
ex-employee
but i fantasized about his son whoa i'd
regularly take them both out for dinner
so that i could fantasize more vividly
each time i go to bed i talk to the
pillow for half an hour as if it were a
man
however even in my fantasy we end up
fighting
it's difficult for me to imagine someone
being
in love with me
that's something that like i think about
all the time or like every day i think
why would anyone want to love someone
who feels
this boring or like someone who like
lacks a personality
um so
very very relatable
i keep replaying the day i let my kid go
to the concert with his friends
i wish i had gone with him i wish i had
forced his friend's mom to go with them
i wish he had never bought the tickets i
wish he was not standing in the spot
where he was
i wish the shooter was shot the moment
he was seen with the gun
i wish there were no gun sales
this is tragic
they're full of regret for
the things they could have done to
prevent it
but of course they had no idea there was
going to be a mass shooter so why would
they
but now they're left with this regret
anyways
when i've had loved ones pass away these
kinds of thoughts
fly through my head too but it must be
so much worse
when you're the parent i fantasize about
being a heroic figure in my sister's
life and stand up for her when her
husband beats her up
i've experienced spousal
abuse in my household
and you want to be able to say something
but you feel like you don't have a voice
especially when the person is somebody
that you love
on both sides but i think
the best thing to do is speak up you
know if you say something at least the
person you love to
make them realize like hey this isn't
this shouldn't happen
i fantasize about having cancer like the
bald kin of my class has
so that my mother would care for me and
let me hug her
i fantasize about things like death rape
loss and grief because i enjoy the
feeling of someone actually warring for
me
in the aftermath of the experiences
i feel very guilty because i understand
that other people endure this stuff
unwillingly and it must be horrible
fantasizing about death and rape seems
like really crazy but then if you
understand like
maybe where it's coming from i feel like
it makes the fantasy less taboo i think
a lot of times it takes something
bad to happen in your life for people to
notice you or to notice that you're
hurting
so yeah i understand where this person
is coming from
you know i don't know this person's
situation but
i'd hope that there are people there
that are loving and caring around this
person and
maybe if they even opened up about their
fantasies to some of these people that
they trust and
care and have in their closed circle
they might be awakened to the idea that
you know hey we're here for you
you