Hello!
Today I am going to be giving you tips on how to be a good trans ally- or how to be
a good ally to trans people.
Which ever sounds better.
This is going to be a little guide for anybody who is not trans, or anyone who is trans,
and who doesn't really know how to be an ally to the community themselves.
Umm, so I'm going to give you a couple little tips and lets all just live in the world together,
equally, and like, respect each other.
Number one: Respect other people.
No, but for real, number one is: Don't out anybody.
Now I feel like this goes without saying, but if somebody is trans, if they want to
tell people, they will tell people.
It's up to them.
Even somebody who is extremely out, like moi, I tell everybody that I'm trans.
All the time.
Everybody knows.
My cats know.
Other people's cats know.
It's fine, but I still get uncomfortable when other people tell other people that I'm trans
without me knowing.
If you ask me, "Hey, can I tell this person that you're trans, cos they have a trans family
member blah blah blah," yasss, go ahead.
But if you're just telling somebody, "Oh, I have a friend who's trans," you don't need
to do that.
I'm not like, some like, facinated scie- facinating science experiment for you to like- "trans
quota".
I'm not saying that I have any friends like that, but you know, people, you know, like
"Aww, I want a gay friend," like no, don't, it's not like we're a thing.
Just don't out us.
Just long story short, don't out us.
This one is very complicated, just cos there's so many words that people are not aware of
that are not really appropriate to use.
Like don't use the word "transgendered".
Why?
Because you're making it a verb, you're making it an action.
I'm not "transgendering", you know?
I am transgender.
But see I can't explain that in just a five second little clip.
I need to explain it more.
So, with that, I made a different video about terminology that I will [unintelligible noises]
link here eventually when it's there.
Ahh-
But a quick Google search, literally about trans terminology, you'll get like a glossary
on like some ally websites and like GLAAD.
You got this.
Use the internet for your advantage.
Number three: Don't talk over us.
It's that simple.
We absolutely need other people in the LGBT unbrella and other people who are not under
that umbrella or just anybody in society to help us.
We've- yes, this has happened with almost every movement.
We need people who are not in our position, who are in a position of privilege, to help
us, you know, get higher up so we can get equality.
It's there.
It exists.
Thank you.
We have been helped a lot.
Now trans people are more out there, we are finally able to speak for ourselves and be
heard, which is fantastic.
So when you're at an event, promoting trans things, it's always great to listen, just
like sit there and listen.
Don't talk over us because that is such an issue with a lot of events that I've seen
where allies just kind of take over and not- don't let other trans people talk.
And they just kind of talk over other people and this is like people who are not trans
talking over it.
So, I mean like, it's just repsectful, right?
I mean come on, we finally have a voice, we can finally talk about our life experiences,
and people are going to listen to us slowly, but it's going to be there.
And we can finally talk, so it's okay that you just sit there and listen and you can
ask questions that relate to how to be a better ally.
Or, you know, just like listen, listen.
Number four is: Don't ask questions without thinking about them first.
And I'm not going to do the "Don't ask questions you don't want asked to you," because every
time someone's like, "Ohh, how do you have sex?" and someone turns around and asks, "How
would you feel if I asked you that?"
You know the person would be like, "Ohhh I would be comfortable answering that," like-
[sighs] No.
No, let's not go there.
Let's not go through that path.
Instead, just like, stand there.
Before you ask your question just think, "Am I objectifying this person?
Am I seeing them as something lesser than I?
Why am I asking this person this question when I wouldn't ask other people this quetion?"
Now yeah, you might ask your friends about sex, you might talk about sex all the time,
but that doesn't mean that the person that is trans that your with is 100% comfortable
with the questions that you're about to ask.
Even if the person smetimes says, "Yeah, it's fine," you need to look at body language,
because not everybody is fine.
Some people just say it's okay because they don't want to be rude.
I have definitely been in this position before and I have known so many other trans people
who felt like they needed to answer your questions so they said "Yes" very reluctantly and they
kind of regretted it afterwards.
So just think about your questions before you ask them.
These are just the basic questions like, "Have you had surgery?"
Unless the person was already talking about surgery, or like the appointments or anything
surgery related, you can ask questions just obviously don't ask questions like, [wispers]
"What do your genitals look like?"
Please.
Do not ask that.
Don't ask that.
Also, don't ask what our "real" name is.
I feel that, like that I've lost the number of things that I'm at, I'm not very structured
but whatever!
There's no such thing as a "real" name like my "real" name is Chase.
If you were talking about the name that I was born with, so like my "birth name" like
I'm not going to tell you that.
You know why?
Cos we change our name for a reason.
Ooh!
We don't like it.
We don't identify with it.
So don't ask us.
I know- I'm- I feel really sassy but it's just like, that's probably the question that
I get the most and it's just like.
Please.
The obsession with birth names, I made a video about this, link it right there.
I also made a video about, ahhh, the obsession with asking questions about surgery, I put
it right over here, so if you are an ally or an ally in training please take a look
at these two videos because I just talk about why people are so obsessed with these two
concepts of our lives and our identity and our bodies.
Very interesting, just, before you ask these questions, "Am I objectifying this person?"
Number fiiiiive???
Sure, um, recognize the need for gender neutral bathrooms.
Now, if you are an ally in training and you don't really know about all these things in
the trans community and you just want to get educated, fantastic.
Thank you for watching this video, thank you for being a decent human being.
Now that being said, a lot of people don't recognize the need for gender neutral bathrooms,
even in the trans community because they think, "Oh, trans people transition.
Obviously you're going to transition, you're going to look male, you're going to go to
the male bathroom.
It makes sense."
Not everybody in the community transitions and not everybody is trans.
People are nonbinary, gender queer, gender fluid, some people are androgynous and like
to be in that middle section.
Middle section of gender, yeeees-
So the need of gender neutral bathrooms is not just for them, but it's also for people
who are not comfortable being in a bathroom with a bunch of other people.
Hm.
So recognizing that the fear and the risk of violence for these individuals who don't
necessarily look like the gender of the bathroom that they're wanting to go into- so having
gender neutral bathrooms is a necessity in that case.
So there are more campuses, like university campuses that are including gender neutral
bathrooms.
This is fantastic.
If you're hosting an event, LGBT event, any type of event, I would recommend making at
least one gender neutral bathroom in the building.
Just because if you promote that, people are understanding, "Ohhh, you're open, that's
great."
It's good for you, it's good for us, it's good for everyone.
Number six- honestly, I don't know if we're really at number six but we're going to go
with it.
Okay, this one is kind of part of the whole terminology, but I think it's so important
that it needs a little [clicky noise] section of it's own: Do not ever say, "Oh, you were
born male."
"Oh, you were born female."
"Oh, you're male bodied."
"You're female bodied."
Now there's sooo many things that could go into that, but, like, do you realize when
you're watching this and you see the way I talk about this, do you understand how it
could be a problem?
I wasn't born female.
Like yeah, I was female assigned at birth.
I was born, they saw my genitals and they were like, "It's a girl!"
And there you go, my gender and my sex were assigned and I had no choice but to abide
by it- well, hmm, gender was a little bit different because I was like, "I ain't a girl,
thooo."
So that's what problematic about it.
Right?
I was not born female, I was assigned female at birth.
You could say I was always born a boy, I was born a boy, I was just assigned female at
birth and I knew I was a boy from when I was a kid.
You could say that.
It's a thing.
A really, really, really great example of this is Janet Mock when she was on Piers?
Morgan?
Is that his name?
On his show she was talking about her book and he said, "You were born male," and she
was just- she didn't say anything because, you know, you're on tv.
Then she went on twitter, explained why it was inappropriate, went back on the show,
not like, well she was on skype or something, and they talked about it and she was very,
"You were inappropriate, I don't like that."
He refused to apologize and he was yelling at her and it was just- No, no, don't ever
for trans people if you're going to react like that when somebody calls you out.
Which brings me out to point seven which is going to be the last major point in this.
When a trans person calls you out, don't take it as an offense.
I would actually take it as a compliment because the person values you enough to tell you that
you're doing something wrong because they want you to improve.
Yeah, sure, what you said was probably super offensive, and some people might just be like,
"Look, don't say that," because you might find it inappropriate and you don't want other
trans people to hear it either.
But this is one of the hardest things I feel, for trans people, is to call other people
out because we fear that we're going to get yelled at, we're not going to be taken seriously,
people are not going to look at us, people are going to look at us differently.
And I think that, again, the example of Janet Mock on that show, like he was just yelling-
yelling!
And she was just supper calm like, "Like what you did was inappropriate-" "NOOOO" Okay calm
dowwwwn, boy!
Okay, I'll give you a real life example just so we can get it over with.
So.
I mean like, I feel like every trans person has a bucket that they can pick a pickle with
a, I don't know why I said pickle.
It's just a barrel of pickles and you can just pick something and there are so many
examples that you can pick out of.
Should've probably just used the hat analogy, but let's go with pickles!
Alright, so this is the example that hurts me the most, so I want to explain it to you
because it's important.
When somebody says the T-word.
Now, I personally, I can't say this word.
It will not come out of my mouth.
I absolutely cannot say it.
It is disgusting to me, it is the most offensive word, in my opinion, that you can call trans
people.
Please don't write it in the comments, just google it.
It's there, okay, I don't want to say it.
It's a really derogatory word towards trans people, really, mostly only to trans women.
But, you know, we're still in the community, we're still- like I cannot hear it because
of all the violence that's related to it.
Anyways.
When somebody uses this word, I just, my whole body, I don't even understand, I can't even
explain it.
It just like stops and gets really hot and I just don't know what to do.
So I've learned over the years to just be like, "Ahhh," you have to call somebody out.
And we're not going to scream at you and if we scream at you know that there is a very
good reason that we're screaming at you.
But I wouldn't scream at someone, I would just be like, "Yo, that word is so inappropriate,
you are not supposed to use that word."
Now when people get called out, they usually get really defensive like, "Ohhhh, ohhh, it's
okay, like I have a friend who uses it, that trans friend that I have uses it."
Okay that's fine, you have a friend who uses that word and they're trans, cool, some people
in the trans community love that word, that's fine, but it is a very inappropriate word.
Google it and you'll see every single post has a negative connotation.
Just please don't use it.
So the issue is the deffensive part.
If you're getting called out you're allowed to be originally like, "Uhhh," we all do that
when we get called out, it sucks, I've been called out many times on tumblr and blah blah
blah.
It the fact that you listen like, "Oh," and then you listen like, "Mmm.
Okay.
Good point.
I am sorry."
You just have to say "I'm sorry."
That's all we're looking for.
And of course, a lot of people in this community say that if you're an ally, you don't need
to call yourself an ally, you don't have to walk into a room and be all like
"I'm an ally."
"I respect trans people."
"Give me my cookie."
I'm being dramatic, I know, I'm sorry.
I'm kidding.
But!
You know that that happens.
I'm just saying, you don't need to go into a room and, "I am a trans ally!!"
You don't need to do that.
If you're an ally just prove that you're an ally, just stick up for us.
That- I, I..
I- I asked a bunch of people onine, "What is your dream ally?
What is your ally that you would love to see?"
Most people said that an ally is somebody who's willing to fight for us.
Fight for us, yes, help us.
If you hear something and it is safe to do so, call them out, tell them what they're
doing is inappropriate, fight for us, fight with us.
Other people have said that the person just needs to be accepting and see them 100% as
how they identify.
One-hundred precent, it's not that hard.
If somebody tells you, "I identify as male, please use my name."
Okay, I got you.
It might take some time to adjust, it's normal, don't worry, don't make a huge deal about
it if you mess up a pronoun.
If you accidentally say "she" and, "Ohh, oh!
Oh!
Oh my god!
I am so sorry I-" Okay, no, it's okay, just be like, "Oh, sorry.
I'm working on it, I'm working on it."
It happens, it takes a lot of time.
I know this, we know this.
And this is probably my last one, which is what I'm ending this video with.
Somebody said that a dream ally or a ally that they wish that they could have is someone
who understands that they don't understand and probably never will either.
I love that because it's true.
You won't 1,000% understand what it's like to be trans if you're not trans, but you can
try to put yourself in our shoes and help us fight.
Anyways, so that was my very long video on how to be an ally.
Hopefully it was great.
A lot of people asked me to make this video.
If you need anything else, maybe I can cut it down and make it shorter and just make
it some point form, but I hope you have a great week and take a look at my other videos
that are related to this video for more information.
Bye!