Hey guys welcome back, thanks for joining me this week in this week's video. I want to talk about something that is really
important if you're going through a divorce if you're going through a breakup if you just
Experienced heartbreak you know when a relationship ends
Especially when we've been blindsided or something happens to us that
You know up a trail or something like that that causes a relationship to end it is such a difficult thing to go through
Because we've been just living our lives as if something's happening and then all of a sudden it's gone
It's not happening anymore and obviously this is very similar to grieving of a death
And that's why they say when a relationship ends you need to grieve so in this video
I want to talk about some things that you can start doing to heal from this heartbreak that you're feeling and
Really start loving yourself through this healing journey
So if you're new to my channel don't forget to hit the subscribe button below and don't forget to click on the little notification bell
So you can be in the loop when I upload my latest videos so healing after heartbreak?
Loving yourself after heartbreak these are two things that are a small loving yourself is a hundred percent
Essential towards healing but real true healing comes in the things that you're doing on a day-to-day
basis now some people say that time heals all wounds and I actually disagree and one of the reasons why I
Started coaching was because I was seeing so many people that were staying stuck in
Anger and blame and unforgiveness and guilt and shame and all of these things because of what someone did to them
And I wanted to help them expand their
awareness on that relationship in the situation and really learn how to heal from it and be able to
you know survive and regain their self-confidence and their self-esteem that they probably lost from that experience and
Create a new life for themselves and so
He so does time heal it. I don't think it does
I think time helps you heal as long as you're doing the things that you need to do to heal
so in this video
I want to go over some things that you should be doing on a day to day basis to help yourself heal through this process
So right off the bat the biggest thing that I can't stress enough in this video
When you're going through heartbreak when you're going through the divorce when you're ending a relationship when a betrayal has happened
And now you have to deal with what that feels like is you have to?
Allow yourself
To feel you have to be very patient with yourself in this process and know
This is gonna be a process. I need to sit in how I feel and you have to really be with yourself
And how you feel every single day, and it is an emotional roller coaster
There are some days where you're gonna be totally fine
And you're gonna be over it and you're gonna be in such a good spot and so
hopeful and then there are other days where you're gonna be angry and
You're gonna be frustrated, and you're gonna have some resentment and you might be a little bitter
Or you know you might feel like a victim at points
You know it you might have these ups and downs and that's okay. That's okay
That's perfectly normal to have these moments of going back and forth between all of these emotions, so
Being very patient with yourself, and this process is absolutely
huge because if you're feeling a feeling you know let's say we're feeling loneliness or
Sadness or anger or whatever it is that we're feeling and we don't sit in it. It's going to stay with us
it's never gonna leave us so until you sit with how you feel and
Parent yourself and love yourself through that feeling and tell yourself the stuff that you need to be telling yourself to move through that
Feeling you're never gonna get rid of that feeling because basically what you're doing is you're just suppressing your feelings
You're not experiencing the feeling and something that I heard a great coach who name's Lisa Ramona, so definitely check her out
But a lot of coaches talk about this and a lot of motivational speakers talk about this
And it just is the truth is your feelings are not
Who you are you know when these feelings come? We don't live in this feeling
It's just a feeling and feelings pass
It's when we stay stuck in the feeling that we suffer
So if you stay stuck in anger if you stay stuck and sadness and all of these feelings and you
Think that this feeling is who you are then you're going to stay stuck in it, but when you see our feelings coming up of
Sadness of loneliness of anger of whatever it is that you don't want to experience?
And you just observe the feeling it's so much easier to
love yourself through it number one and let it kind of take its course and and pass through it's when we
Hold onto the feeling we think that the feeling is just what we're gonna feel forever and ever that we tend to stay stuck in
It or. We just suppress the feeling you know a feelings coming through us and all of a sudden
Oh, I don't want to feel sadness here. I go. I'm gonna suppress it um we don't ever get better
We don't ever heal. We don't ever move on from what someone else has done to us
learning how to
parent yourself
Learning how to love yourself through a feeling that you're having is
Absolutely huge, and it's something that I don't think a lot of people are taught
I mean, I wasn't taught it either and most people aren't taught it. They're not taught how do you?
Experience a feeling and and love yourself through that feeling most of the times
Especially you know with children we get angry with them for having a feeling especially if it's a feeling that's inconvenient for us, so
If your child is getting angry about something that you think is irrational or completely ridiculous
We invalidate that feeling we don't validate what that child is feeling and I always use the example of my son because he's three
And he is in the midst of feeling
Everything and he has no logic yet really um
And he is trying to learn how to process his feelings in some days as a parent
I'm gonna be honest and I know every parent out there. That's watching this can agree with me it is
Frustrating it's not an easy thing to do
To parent this child that has not a lot of logic yet
These feelings so now imagine what it would feel like to parent a child through a feeling that has logic
It would be a lot more easier
Which is yourself you have logic so logically you know that what you're feeling is a feeling and
We're not because we're not taught as a child how to move through those feelings as an adult
We're not taught
We don't in me we don't do those things as adults for ourselves
and then what we do is just suppress what we're feeling because we didn't learn how to
Move through or feel what we're feeling in a healthy way, so how do we love ourselves?
How do we parent ourself through a feeling one of the examples that I always give is?
You know if you were sitting down with your best friend if you were sitting down with someone that you loved unconditionally
And they're going through something really painful say they're experiencing sadness or anger or frustration whatever the case may be
The first thing you would do is you would probably validate what they're feeling?
Absolutely you have every right to feel that way you should feel that way look
that's
Perfectly fine to feel that that way
And you would be there for that person right you would give them a hug that you would let them just kind of lean on
You the next thing you would do is talk them through the feeling which is
giving them the reality of the situation you're giving them the bigger picture because your outside looking in and
You know when a friend says you know I really want to meet someone
And I'm just really lonely and sad the reality is
You will meet someone someday you're doing the stuff that you should be doing to get to a healthy place and you're loving yourself
and you have standards and
You will meet that person you would you would you would talk to that person you would parent your friend?
And you would basically say the things that they're not thinking themselves
Right so, that's the stuff that we have to do to ourselves is when we're having a feeling that's uncomfortable. What are we telling ourselves?
Because most the time we're telling ourselves something negative
That's keeping the state
That's keeping us to stay stuck in that feeling that we're having rather than giving ourselves
You know connecting to your higher self and giving yourself the good stuff that you need to be giving yourself
To move through that feeling it's absolutely
crucial
Real healing is to be able to do that for yourself and again. This is a practice
You're not gonna always have a feeling and know how to parent yourself through that feeling there are gonna
Be days where you might need a coach, or you might need a friend to do it for you
Or help you through that feeling that's that's perfectly fine
The goal is to start being able to be your own coach and do it for yourself
The next thing is don't jump into another relationship
You know if we were in a relationship, or a marriage for a long period of time we're used to a dynamic
We're used to you know a white a partner or husband or boyfriend girlfriend
Whatever we're used to that dynamic and when you remove yourself from that and all of a sudden you're single again
It's really hard to want to accept ok I'm by myself again
And I need to figure out what I need to do to get myself back to
Being single and being single in a healthy way and most people jump from relationships to relationships
They are trying to fill a void and so they marry or date or meet someone right away and just boom that's it
I'm now diving into this instead of taking a step back
Reflecting giving yourself time to be alone and be single which
No one ever wants to do. We're always so quick to like pair up and partner up with another person rather than ending a relationship
Reflecting and learning what you need to learn from that past relationship?
To really get the lesson
So you don't repeat the same mistakes over and over again and getting yourself back to a really good and healthy whole place
You know we all want to attract
Healthy love we all want a great relationship in you can never have a great relationship
If you're not good yourself, so I always say if you want an amazing partner you need to be
Completely good by yourself
Almost so good that you know that the person that you meet
Needs to enhance your life even more because you're perfectly fine by yourself and in the life that you have and that anyone else
That's coming in is just adding to that they're not draining you
They're not you know
Wanting you to conform into a person that you're not they love you for exactly who you are because you love you
exactly who you are the other thing is acceptance and forgiveness and
This is something that just like healing it takes time
This isn't something that we're gonna wake up one day and all of a sudden we accept
And we forgive someone and it is what it is. This is a process all of these things are processes
I'm not giving you these these tips to say okay. If you do this. It's gonna the pains gonna
End or if you do this you know you're gonna meet a great person tomorrow
All of this is a working process, and it's like that quote that we've all heard. It's the journey not the destination
That's the stuff that that changes us is what you do on that day-to-day basis, so
Acceptance and forgiveness for me is one in the same. You can't forgive unless you've accepted and
When you start practicing both you will get there over time because forgiveness
Especially if you have to see a person you know if you end a relationship, and you never have to see the person again
It's very easy sometimes to forgive because out of sight out of mind
But when you constantly have to see a person again
whether if you're co-parenting or things like that then it's a little bit more difficult because that person's constantly a
Reminder of the situation, but definitely check out my video on forgiveness, I will link it
I think it's over here the kids over here um
I'm linking above for you to check out, but when you're forgiving you're not doing it for the other person
And I know I've said this in a lot of videos, and it just is the truth you're doing it for yourself
You're forgiving someone not saying that what they did was okay? You're not letting them off the hook you're not telling them that okay
I forgive you so you can just walk away and be okay in your life now, and I'm still here
You know suffering because the fact of the matter is they don't need your forgiveness most people think they do
but the reality is they don't because if someone really wants to hear the I
Forgive you that's really just their ego talking because in order for them to heal. They need to forgive themselves
They need to deal with probably the guilt and the shame that they have for doing what they did to someone else so
Someone that betrayed you doesn't need your forgiveness
And quite frankly a lot of the times they don't even care if they get it because they've moved on
Whereas, you're still kind of sitting in what has happened to you and you're struggling to forgive?
And you're not forgiving them again like I said because you know saying that what they did was okay?
You're forgiving them because you're ready to move on you're ready to not think about the experience anymore and again
easier said than done, but it takes time and it takes practice so
Whenever those feelings come up, or those thoughts come up of reliving that experience over and over and over again
You need to just take a step back and say you know what you did what you did to me
And that's okay because you you didn't really love and respect me anyways
And I deserve someone that loves and respects me so when you can really start offering forgiveness
towards someone that has hurt you or betrayed you that's when you're at a really great point where you realize that what someone did to
You had nothing to do with you, and it actually all had to do with them
So it kind of takes yourself out of it, and it's a you're then able to really offer forgiveness to someone else
You