Parenting is a challenging task any way you look at it. How do you parent a child
with high-functioning autism? Or really any other special needs? That's what
we're getting into today. I'm going to say it Vicki. I am going to say it. -Oh,
no. -What is your job? What is your job as a parent? -To love your child no
matter what and even if. -I'm glad you know the answer. I hope you know the
answer by now. Every child needs love. I think special needs children... I'm going
to use that term very general and very broadly right now. Special needs children
probably could use an additional measure. -Right. -Of love and attention because of
the special needs. Would you agree? -I do. And because they have been given the
message a lot from very early on that there's a problem. And so, they need that
extra love and acceptance from you. You've got to find a way to get there.
-Even if they haven't been given the message, at some point they start to clue
into that. If that's what they're not... -Yeah. The message is getting to them. -One way
or another. -Yes. -Now, let's talk about autism for a moment.
It used to be when I started my career in clinical psychology. We thought of
autism as these kids who are you know spinning things all the time and bang in
their head on the wall and never have any eye contact. -Nonverbal. -And yes that
is characteristic of severe autism. We now think of autism more on a spectrum.
-Yeah. -And in fact, we call it the autistic spectrum or the autism spectrum where
there can be those severely challenged children with hardly any
communication or social interaction. And then range clear through this spectrum
over to the other end which is the high functioning. You know, we used to have a
diagnosis for those kids. It was F-L-K --funny little kid.
Seriously. -Just quirky. -Yeah. They're just kind of weird. You know there's this
quirky little kid that's not quite like the other kids but we're not sure why.
Well, we've determined that some of those funny little kids are actually on the
spectrum but they're functioning high enough that they didn't get picked up in
the old diagnostic systems. So, thinking of it as a spectrum, now we're talking
about high functioning autism. These kids are able to communicate but it's
typically characterized by some difficulty with one of two things
and sometimes both. Communication and social interaction. -Mm-hmm, yeah. And that
social interaction is really important to clue into. I think that's one reason
that that they might leave that extra measure of love and understanding
because socially it's not that easy for them to connect for other people even
with you as a parent. -Right. -That is one of the challenges. And so, I think it's
really important to become aware of the way you can show them love. It might be
different than the way you were thinking of as a parent or the ideal or the way
you show love to some of your other children.
-Good point. So, what do we do as parents? When we're talking about high
functioning autism, these are typically kids who have average or even above
average intelligence. -Mm-hmm. -They're able to think, they're able to engage logic
and we're going to use that to our advantage but we have to be very clear
about instructions. They're not going to pick up necessarily on the
subtleties. -Right. You know, I think that's where you really hit it is we want to be
aware of their logical... A lot of times the people with high-functioning autism
are very logical. And so we're going to use that to our advantage especially in
social situations. So, when you have a son maybe that has doesn't really see the
interest or the need to bathe frequently. You want it... -It doesn't even occurred to him.
-Actually happen sometimes. Right? non kids not on the spectrum. But I'm just saying
give the why. I think we really need to be explicit. You know a lot of times you
can't be settling go, "Woo! Son, it's time." You might want to say, "You know when you
haven't watched for a few days you start to have a smell and other people don't
enjoy being around you as much. And so, in order to help your friends have a better
experience and you have more friends you're going to want to wash every day." -And you so.
-Yeah. It seems ridiculous but you have to actually talk through every point of
it and tell them why. Because they might not understand "Why doesn't the girl want
me to stare at her in class?" -And they might be perfectly willing to do it but
they're not picking up on the social subtleties that inform a neurotypical
child as to what they need to do. -Yeah. -Also, the example that you shared is a
good one because hygiene is one of those areas where we tend to habituate.
In other words, you can't often smell yourself before other people can smell
you. -Right. -And so, they're not even picking up on that part of it, And that's
a good example for that reason. Vicki, we talked about using the logic and the
reason to to assist our kids to give things into a pattern or a habit. We want
to be consistent for that purpose. It's also really good to maintain your
patience. Remember that there are things about
autistic spectrum that make it difficult for people who have that kind of
condition to connect to all of the same reasons that you might be aware of as a
parent. So, be very patient. Be very tolerant. Check your own emotions. This is
a good parenting tip for anybody I think is that to track your own emotions and
have a way to stay calm and patient but also consistent in the way that you
approach them. -And I might add right there to be very cautious about thinking
that because you know how your child with autism is
react that you'll know how another child with autism is going to react. You know,
there's kind of a saying that if you've met one child with autism you've met one
child with autism. -Oh! -That's a saying that goes around in our
profession because it shows up very differently for every child. So, be
patient as you learn how your child is reacting. And and maybe one other caveat
is is be aware that that is really quite inappropriate to use somebody's
diagnosis as an adjective to talk about somebody. "Oh, he's been... Oh, that's so
autistic of you." Be very careful not to use somebody's diagnosis as an
adjective. -Well and not just for that child. -Yeah. -if that's what you're saying
because you can say, "Oh, you're so..." whatever and then grab something that's actually
a legitimate diagnosis and throw it out there as a description of someone
else's behavior. That's just a little lesson in political correctness right
there. One thing that we're very aware of as it relates to the autistic spectrum
is that routine is our friend. -It is very much our friend. -And what that means is
as these kids and adults too who are on the spectrum. As they get into a routine
their world becomes much more predictable. Things tend to work better
for them and they get very attached sometimes to those routines. We can use
that to our favor as parents and to our child's advantage by setting up
consistent routines. -That being said, remember we went back to being very
clear and teaching? You actually have to teach that sometimes you have to be
flexible. And this is so hard. Flexibility is probably one of the hardest... I've just
seen it be a very very difficult concept for people on the spectrum to really
grasp. -Right. -So, you're going to teach how to be flexible and even through the
discomfort of it. -Okay, you've noticed this, right? Be real about what you've
learned from your life. Surprises happen. -Right. You plan for life to go this way
and then it goes that way instead. Surprise! And these are going to happen for
your child too so while routine is our friend and we want to implement as many
of those routines as we can to support them. We also teach them that changes are
going to happen. and we have to roll with that. But this is also a skill set that
can be taught. -Mm-hmm. -When things don't go as planned, how do we handle it? And
they'll be open to your teaching along those lines just like the other
skill sets that you're working with them. There's 2 things that we would ask you
to do after watching this video. Share it with someone that you know because this
isn't for everyone but you know some people who will benefit from knowing
what you just listen to on this video. And the other thing is come on over to
the Parenting Power-Up. Parentingpowerup.com. Tell me a little bit about what
they can get there, Vicki. -You can find ways how you can improve your parenting;
learn how to be more patient; how to get the results that you'd like in your
family and how to increase your cooperation with your child. -All good
stuff. We'll see you there.
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