this is a story about making friends
which i've come to discover is
remarkably not straightforward
psychological block
i've struggled with this a lot
i spent long periods of my life feeling
lonely this goes as far back as i can
remember this hunger for connection this
frustration on not knowing where to find
it
so freaked out
how do you find the right people to
surround yourself with that was a
question i would ask myself as i would
float across friend groups the
conversations and the exchanges never
reaching the depth of what i was looking
for in this video i want to answer
exactly that question for my younger
self
here's a story about making deeper
connections
[Music]
okay so i'm going to use an experience i
had not too long ago to make a point
about a theory that i have about making
friends
this guy johnny harris who runs this
insane channel on youtube and who i met
once before in person in my entire life
invited me to go on a trip with him to
an island called cyprus
so i'm standing in front of an abandoned
airport
in an area that is controlled by the u.n
i live a strange life i always say yes
to an adventure i did the same thing
when i got tattooed with thomas in a
bunker in albania after hanging out with
him a grand total of two times anyway
both of these guys made amazing videos
about the geopolitical situation in
cyprus which i highly recommend you
check out johnny's been hyping up this
place so much how does johnny have so
many things that he thinks about all the
time he's gonna do four videos i know
it's insane i'm trying to do one the one
video i'm trying to do is on this is a
friendship
she's like doing geopolitical serious
stuff i'm not talking about friends
we are friends so let me paint a picture
for you it's our second day on the
island and it's actually our day to
chill which i was pretty excited about
but then this happens the nathaniel drew
is going to overcome his fear of heights
today dude i'm not doing that yeah
nathaniel is going to cliff jump you're
jumping off the cliff dude oh my god oh
[ __ ] okay hold on
bro didn't you injure yourself when you
did yeah that was a 40-foot thing this
is like a 20-foot thing i've never gone
cliff jumping before i'd like to be able
to jump but usually the fear makes me
lock up and i watch from the sidelines
okay we are here we're going to do a
beach day jumping like that is
terrifying to me the problem is that
both of these guys are [ __ ] animated
one of them goes by the motto seek
discomfort and the other did this no one
jumped until oh my god
oh my god i'm actually feeling fear just
watching other people jump that was
insane wearing sandals he never took his
sandals off
you have no idea this is like a quantum
leap
more it's not a quantum leap the water's
like it's like bathtub water
it's so warm it like immerses you in the
glory
of
of the mediterranean sea man okay johnny
you [ __ ] romantic for me this jump
looked borderline impossible but it's at
the crux of what i think makes a
friendship
what does any of this have to do with
friendship well imagine every person is
a little island nation the only way you
can connect with other people or other
island nations in this analogy is a
bridge or a boat i guess but let's just
pretend that you don't have boat
technology yet you're a primitive little
island nation what are bridges well
bridges in my theory about friendship
are anything that helps you break
through that uncomfortable gap when you
don't know someone else it's anything
that helps you break through the
foreignness of another person i have a
belief that friendship can be found when
you're connected to your passions
i think like this is a universal so it
doesn't have to be like create work and
put it out i do think there's something
valuable about sharing things and
putting them out into the world but even
bigger than that it's just like going
deep with something it's how you can
bridge the gap that feels impossible to
cross absolutely and then so much other
stuff is possible
i could see that johnny was really
passionate about this island and its
incredible history and even though i
knew very little about it when i arrived
it triggered my own curiosities about
the world it's funny how that works
how the people around you can have that
kind of impact if you let them i think
your theory about passion
being a bridge is really sound i don't
know if that's the only theory for
friendship one of my closest friends who
like him and i have our venn diagram
that has like one sliver of overlap in
terms of like what we believe and what
we do and what and for some reason we
just freaking connect so what do you
think it is we met when i was a mormon
missionary and we were friends again
from two totally different worlds but we
just connected we just got each other
and we just and we spar a lot because we
believe totally different things we have
totally different politics here's
another theory okay so passion's number
one passion i think is really powerful
because of the vulnerability that comes
with it right you just open up when
you're when you're like honest about
giving yourself something could two be a
shared struggle was it like an intense
period
that you went
to like we were in in the trenches
together like as mormon missionaries i
think the struggle bonded us for sure
but it
in a way that like we would have never
maybe been friends in some other
environment a shared struggle is one of
the most powerful forces for bringing
humans together and what if you threw
yourself into situations where you could
struggle alongside others
in many ways i'm kind of a third culture
kid you know people i most easily
connect with are people that were like
born in one place and then live
somewhere else got it you actually are a
good example of somebody who actually
was born and grew up in one place yes
yes but ultimately you you did end up
getting exposed to other cultures yeah
that's what makes it especially easy to
talk to you yeah people who
grew up mormon and left the mormon
church it's like immediate it's like
dude right we have a lot of stuff to
talk about right you know right so i
think there's something about shared
experience or parallels or relatability
however you want to call that it's like
i get a little bit of your experience
let's bond over that yeah what usually
prevents friendship from taking place if
i'm not mistaken is a level of
uncomfortableness because it's like
you're kind of having to open up to
somebody you don't know them yet there's
a lack of you know you got to build
trust and having a shared language
builds trust immediately you're like
wow okay you've been on a similar path
to me you know which means i can trust
you a big part of it is just finding
ways to trust people faster
i think my island was just a little bit
further away than most people's the
normal things that usually worked for
others wouldn't work for me going out
for drinks or watching the same tv shows
as somebody else was not quite enough to
bridge that gap i needed something
deeper something more profound
friendship is so weird you just pick a
human you've met and you're like yup i
like this one and you just do stuff with
them i think that's a good resume of how
these last few days have gone yes i've
never done anything even remotely like
this i'm like shaking right now maybe
come over here and do the small one
first yeah i think i'm gonna do that
you've got this
come on dude
i love this i love the arc of the drama
happening here where it's like we're
gonna bring him down to the smaller one
see what happens i love it he didn't
want to jump up there no it's good it's
good oh my god that is such a
high
jump
believe in your dreams nathaniel
believe in your dreams
he who says he can and he who says he
can't
are both usually right basically i've
spent
long periods of my life feeling very
alone kind of choosing my own path not
wanting to follow like the the standard
path of going to college and whatnot and
one consequence of that has been feeling
very isolated yeah i think people really
really struggle with this yes he's been
a dad and now he's
wow
oh [ __ ] me can i jump this way
oh my god
there are
thousands of people that are also scared
of heights what do you have to say to
them right now i don't want to be
inspiring right now
bro you got this dude
three
two
one
oh my god
well he has to do that still
i think making friends in adulthood is
is universally hard all of us feel
what's wrong with us but all of us
actually secretly feel like this is
really hard like this is not an easy
thing and what i realized is that the
only way that that friendship in
adulthood works
is with
intentional effort it doesn't happen
automatically i'm going to reach out to
this person i'm going to make it happen
yeah yeah reaching out you know and i
think that can feel uncomfortable
totally and you just sort of wait for it
to happen naturally but it doesn't ever
happen naturally so you have to you have
to be the catalyst i feel validated
i don't feel like a loser having sent
you dms you know originally in 2017 and
then 2019. you were nice about it too
even my very first message
do you remember
no okay wait wait let me read it to you
oh no i deleted instagram no it's so
funny that we actually are friends
because of instagram like that's insane
to me after all the bashing i've done
yes on social media yes okay oh you read
it yeah gallery this may 14th 2017. so i
wrote wow so that makes it four years
over four years ago yes i wrote hey
johnny
my name is nathan
i just wanted to say i saw your video on
the vox youtube channel and would love
to help you film this project in any way
i can i'm an experienced filmmaker
and feel like i can contribute to this
project let me know if this interests
you and you responded you're like thanks
nathan where are you based i'm not in
any need of production help at this
point but i may be once the project gets
going and i can kind of sense like this
was not going in my way i followed up a
couple years later 2019. that's a good
amount of like i don't know it wasn't i
wasn't like bombarding you everywhere
yeah yeah that's that's when i just shut
it all down
and then i think it was actually you
yeah so you were following me i guess on
instagram or something because you saw a
story of mine or maybe because i tagged
tom
yes well i think is at this point was
like dude you got to follow nathaniel
drew like yeah he's like doing cool
stuff and i was like okay and then at
some point the funny magic of friendship
takes over and one thing just leads to
the next i think you're good to go for
this this is a mental thing
it's not as much physical i know you and
you love conceptual theories of like
expanding yourself and like this this
isn't trivial in that like this is
evoking like a real human experience of
like fears of my fear of heights heights
are scary and it's like you are
pushing that and you're saying like
actually my mind
can like supersede that yeah that's
that's actually powerful i'm not just
like culturing it so i want you to
internalize that as well let me stand by
the edge
wow that's that's a big job shaking out
of fear yes you know yes but knowing
like i have to do this and i'm in a safe
environment nobody's going to force me
nobody's going to push me nobody's going
to shame me
we're in this together
three
two
one
[Applause]
[Music]
felt really good
for a variety of reasons i think but the
biggest one being for myself where in
the past i would let fear of heights
prevent me from doing something and not
doing it at the end of the day
is always it always feels like a letdown
to myself not even because i have to do
it but because i let the fear choose
like decide not doing it i'm so glad i
did it you know
wow
that was awesome proud of you dude wow
again i'm riding a high right now did
you see me shaking i was shaking oh [ __ ]
that's when i was like maybe we should
cancel this one
i'm honestly really grateful let me just
add this too i'm just so grateful
it's just random people watching this is
just russian tours to have somebody else
to jump with
[ __ ] yeah that's awesome what we talk
about all the time is it's so much
harder to overcome fears by yourself it
is to have people around you that you
know aren't making fun of you or judging
you you're joking around but at the end
of the day it doesn't matter for us it's
more like yeah but we think it's good
for you yeah
wow
that was crazy what i'm coming to
realize is that relationships teach you
a lot about yourself people are mirrors
of you what you don't like in others
often says more about yourself and in
this world that's very focused on the
individual and improving yourself we
sometimes forget about these simple
things that add so much richness and
depth to life there's a quietness that
comes with these basic human experiences
of family and relationships and just
basic it's basic i feel just excited to
see like transformation you know like
you're different human than you were
like
when you came onto this cliff i think
the way i see friendship is kind of like
jumping off those rocks courage is a
muscle and i really believe that and so
you if you don't exercise it every once
in a while
you like the fear comes back you were
plugged in like the second you saw there
was like fear you were engaged in
being involved yeah yeah i like that
that was cool i want to push you but
i still want to be mindful
bro that was awesome man i feel like you
grew today in a way that you'll remember
for the rest of your life
don't go just yet i have an exciting
announcement how's that for an entrance
huh i just wanted to take a couple of
moments to plug
something i'm very excited to announce
this has been a very big undertaking i
just released a new class on
storytelling specifically travel
storytelling but in general storytelling
that i did with johnny harris we have
joined forces similar to what we did
with the language learning course for
all of our combined knowledge in travel
storytelling both of us have been doing
it for a long time combined i don't even
know how many years we're going into
year seven for me and i think johnny's
been doing it for even longer this is
like a super information dense course
with many examples we walk through the
entire process everything from planning
to structure to being out in the field
and capturing moments pre-production
production and post-production
essentially every stage of the process
and the interesting thing is that johnny
and i have very different styles so we
offer our different perspectives on this
topic so you can kind of pick and choose
the things that work for you or the big
sense to you and that you want to try
out i'm very pleased with how this came
out i've been asked to
share more on my process and
it's finally here taking any of my
online classes is a huge form of
financial support and allows me to go
the extra mile in creating these videos
and hiring the team that i have to help
me make this possible i'm super grateful
to all of you that end up checking it
out but no pressure at all even just the
fact that you're watching this right now
is super cool and i do not take it for
granted if you're interested in checking
it out i'll leave a link in the
description below i'll see you guys soon
you