( APPLAUSE )
WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW."
ALREADY IN PROGRESS.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY GUEST TONIGHT IS AN EMMY-WINNING
COMEDIAN WHO CREATED "THE OFFICE," "EXTRAS,"
AND "AFTER LIFE."
HE HAS A NEW STANDUP SPECIAL "SUPERNATURE."
>> PEOPLE QUIZ ME ON TWITTER WHEN THEY FIND OUT AN ATHEIST.
"YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD AT ALL?"
"NO."
"DO YOU PRAY?" I GO, "NO."
"WHY DON'T YOU PRAY JUST IN CASE THERE'S A GOD."
I SAY, "WHY DON'T YOU PUT GARLIC OVER YOUR DOOR JUST IN CASE
THERE'S A DRACULA."
I HAVE NO PROBLEMS WITH PRAYING.
I KNOW LOADS OF NICE CHRISTIANS AND MUSLIMS AND JEWS.
THEY SAY, I'LL PRAY FOR YOU, I SAY THAT'S A NICE GESTURE.
AND THEY SAY, WE'LL CANCEL YOUR CHEMO THERAPY.
DON'T DO THAT.
LET'S DO THE PRAYING AND THE CHEMOTHRM, SHALL WE, LET'S
DEFINITELY KEEP THAT ONE, SHALL WE?
( LAUGHTER )
TO "THE LATE SHOW," RICKY GERVAIS!
♪ MOVE ON UP MOVE ON UP MOVE ON UP ♪
>> AMAZING.
>> Stephen: WHAT?
>> AMAZING.
>> Stephen: QUITE LOVELY, ISN'T IT?
NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
>> IT'S GREAT TO BE HERE.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE SPOKEN A COUPLE OF TIMES OVER, YOU KNOW,
LOCKDOWN, KIND OF QUARANTINE, COVID, BUT YOU ACTUALLY HAVEN'T
BEEN HERE FOR ALMOST THREE YEARS.
IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU HERE AGAIN IN PERSON.
IT'S A SPECIAL SOMETHING.
IT'S A MICRONUTRIENT I'M GETTING FOR RICKY GERVAIS BEING HERE IN
PERSON.
>> I HAVEN'T WON UNDERPANTS FOR THREE YEARS.
>> Stephen: WHY START NOW?
>> EVEN GETTING DRESSED NOW IS A BIT OF A CHORE.
IT'S LOVELY TO BE HERE.
>> Stephen: NICE TO SEE YOU.
HOW WAS YOUR-- OBVIOUSLY, COVID, LOCKDOWN IS NO FUN.
>> BUT IT SORT OF SUITED ME.
>> Stephen: IT SUITED YOU?
>> I DON'T LIKE PEOPLE COMING TO THE HOUSE.
>> Stephen: DO YOU LIKE PEOPLE AT ALL?
>> THEY'RE NOT MY FAVORITE ANIMAL.
( LAUGHTER )
I DO LIKE PEOPLE.
BUT AS LONG AS I COULD-- YEAH, I LIKE MY PRIVACY.
I DON'T LIKE DOING MUCH.
SO I DIDN'T HAVE TO GET OUT OF ANYTHING.
PEOPLE STOPPED INVITING ME TO THINGS, WHICH IS GOOD.
I COULD STILL WALK EVERY DAY TO MEET DOGS.
IF THEY SAID YOU CAN'T TOUCH A DOG IN COVID, THAT WOULD BE A
PROBLEM.
BUT YOU HAVE TOO KEEP AWAY FROM PEOPLE, NOT A PROBLEM.
NOT A PROBLEM.
>> Stephen: THERE WAS A PERIOD OF TIME THEY WEREN'T SURE IF
DOGS CARRIED IT, AND THAT WAS SCARY.
>> I'D RISK CATCHING IT FOR DOGS.
I WALKED IN CENTRAL PARK TODAY, I'VE BEEN THERE TWO DAYS, AND
I'VE BEEN FOUL TIMES, AND I SCRUFFLE DOG S.
>> Stephen: SCRUFFLE, IS THAT AN ENGLISH TERM?
>> NO.
THIS IS HOW WEIRD I AM.
NOW, I FOUND OUT THEY CARRY A STICK AND THE DOG SEES THE STICK
AND COMES OVER, I GIVE IT THE STICK, AND IT LOVES ME EVEN
MORE.
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: IT IS A LITTLE WEIRD.
THAT'S LIKE CANDY FROM A STRANGER.
THAT'S A LITTLE ODD.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: SPEAKING OF WEIRD, I WAS JUST REMINDED BY MY
PRODUCER WHO WAS TALKING TO YOU EARLIER, WHEN YOU WERE HERE
THREE YEARS AGO, WE USED TO DO THIS BIT ON THE SHOW CALLED
"PERSONAL SPACE."
WE WOULD HAVE, LIKE, ONE OF THE STARS WHO WAS COMING ON THE
SHOW, WE WOULD HAVE THEM-- I'LL SHOW YOU-- WE WOULD HAVE THEM
STICK THEIR HEADS IN A BOX WITH ME, AND IT WAS CALLED "STEPHEN
COLBERT'S PERSONAL SPACE," LIKE THAT.
AND I CAN'T BELIEVE, SEEING HOW MUCH YOU'RE NOT HUGE FANS OF A
PERSON OR PEOPLE THAT YOU DID THIS WITH ME.
YOU TRULY DIDN'T SEEM TO ENJOY IT.
>> NO, IT WAS HORRIBLE.
( LAUGHTER )
CLIP?
HAVE YOU EVER HAD AN IMPOSSIBLE BURGER?
>> THAT'S WHAT.
>> Stephen: IT'S A VEGETARIAN BURGER.
>> NO.
>> Stephen: IT'S DELICIOUS.
>> HAVE YOU EVER HAD ONE?
>> NO.
>> Stephen: WOULD YOU LIKE TO TRY ONE?
>> YES.
>> OKAY.
( LAUGHTER )
NO.
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: OPEN YOUR MOUTH.
OPEN YOUR MOUTH.
>> NO!
NO!
YOU CAN'T-- LISTEN, THIS IS-- THIS-- HONESTLY.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: CAN YOU IMAGINE DOING THAT IN A POST-COVID
WORLD?
>> DON'T MAKE IT SOUND LIKE IT WAS NORMAL THEN.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
IT WAS WEIRD AT THE TIME BEFORE COVID WAS INVENTED.
>> Stephen: SURE.
>> THAT WAS WEIRD.
>> Stephen: SURE.
BUT PEOPLE HAD A GOOD TIME.
>> A MAN-- TALK ABOUT-- ME GIVING A STICK TO A DOG.
A MAN GIVING ME A BURGER WITH HIS MOUTH.
>> Stephen: IN A BOX.
>> IN A BOX.
>> Stephen: YES.
( LAUGHTER )
THINGS THAT YOU DO LOVE, YOU HAD-- YOU HAVE A BEAUTIFUL
COSTAR, YOUR SERIES "AFTER LIFE" JUST RECENTLY ENDED.
>> OH!
>> Stephen: THERE'S YOUR BEAUTIFUL COSTAR.
WHO IS THIS?
WHO ARE WE LOOKING AT HERE?
>> THIS IS-- THIS IS AUNT TILLY, WHO PLAYS BRANDY.
SHE WAS 11 LAST MONTH.
AND SHE'S THE MOST BEAUTIFUL DOG.
YEAH.
>> Stephen: WOW.
IS IT HARD?
SOMETIMES WHEN YOU END A SHOW, IT CAN FEEL LIKE A FAMILY, YOU
KNOW, LIKE BREAKING UP A RELATIONSHIP.
WHAT'S IT LIKE HAVING TO SAY GOOD-BYE TO A CAST MEMBER LIKE
THIS?
>> THE REST OF THE CAST I WAS SAYING GOOD-BYE-- WHATEVER-- AND
WHEN I WENT TO HUG HER, THAT'S WHEN WE REALLY GOT EMOTIONAL.
I WAS THINKING, SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHY SHE WON'T SEE ME NEXT WEEK.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
SO I WAS WORRIED.
BUT THEN, I SEE HER IN PUBLICITY AND STUFF.
>> HOW DOES SHE REACT WHEN SHE SEES YOU?
>> SHE RUNS STRAIGHT OVER TO ME.
HONESTLY, THERE IS NOTHING AS BEAUTIFUL AS A DOG.
YEAH.
( APPLAUSE )
QUICK BREAK, BUT WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE RICKY GERVAIS.