We have some really delicious foods in real life. We have toast and the Big Mac and Skittles
and Ben & Jerry’s ice cream. But in movies and TV shows and cartoons and books, fictional
foods have been created and depicted and described in such a way that we want to try them. When
we see our favorite characters like Homer Simpson and Scooby Doo eating something we
can’t have, it makes us want it more than ever. Here are 10 fictional foods that we
would love to be able to try in real life.
Nuts ‘N Stuf
Leslie Knope from Parks and Rec can’t seem to win in her battle against Sweetums. It’s
the company that’s making America obese – even their water has 300 calories per
serving – and yet no one seems to bat an eye except for her. She’ll say the food
is slowly killing people, and they’ll just say it tastes too good to care. She’ll say
the Sweetums factory’s fumes are polluting the air, and they’ll just say it’s what
causes the sunsets to look so beautiful. Leslie is right, of course, and if the environment
is at stake, as well as everybody’s health, then something has to be done. But we’ve
got to go with the other townspeople of Pawnee on this one – a lot of Sweetums’ products
do sound delicious. While Icyums, Frooties, and even SwimmyYums all sound like they could
be quite interesting, the most appealing one has to be Nuts ‘N Stuf. It’s a mix bag
that combines a bunch of things that are delicious on their own, but an odd mix when put together:
nuts, licorice, gummy bears, red hots, pretzels, and beef jerky. As weird as that sounds, that
might actually be great. We already know that nuts and raisins make a good mix – why not
take it one step further?
Teriyaki Donut
Quentin Tarantino is famous for creating fictional brands to appear in his movies. This is partly
because he hates the corporate sell-out aspect of product placement – paying for the movie
by having the characters drinking brand name sodas with the labels facing out with a giant
neon sign with that same logo on it right behind them – and partly because he wants
his movies to exist entirely in a universe of their own. This is, after all, Quentin
Tarantino’s world, so why can’t it be a world where the most popular brand of cigarettes
is called Red Apple? There are a couple of food brands in Tarantino’s movies. One of
the most common ones is Fruit Brute, which is a real brand, just one that was discontinued.
Tarantino kept hold of a box and he’s been using it in his movies ever since. And of
course, there’s also the Big Kahuna Burger that Samuel L. Jackson takes a bite out of
to assert his dominance in Pulp Fiction. But the most curious sounding one has to be the
Teriyaki Donut, the restaurant that serves both Japanese food and donuts. It’s an interesting
mix, but it sounds like it could make for a fun late night meal.
The Clogger
The Clogger is a sandwich sold at Krusty Burger, named in reference to the fact that it will
clog up your arteries due to all the saturated fat content. It sounds awfully dangerous for
your arteries, but it does sound appetizing. Krusty took a bite out of the sandwich in
the TV commercial and then promptly spat it out as soon as the director had called, “Cut!”
But we’d still like to try it. For all we know, Krusty only spat it out because he’s
Jewish and therefore not allowed to eat pork. Despite the pork content, Krusty seems to
have no problem using a pig to sell the sandwich. That pig went on to become a viral sensation
when Homer gave him the name “Spider-Pig,” so it all worked out for him. We only get
a brief glimpse of the burger up close, but from that closeup shot, it looks like there’s
a couple of beef patties, a lot of bacon, some slices of cheese, and even a couple of
fried eggs on there. Delicious!
Soylent Green
Yes, yes, we know it’s people. But millions of people didn’t know that it was people
and they were perfectly happy to keep consuming it. The setup of an overly industrialized
world in 2022 (which was a long time away when the movie was made, but isn’t that
far away now) is eerily close to reality. The movie was made in 1973 about the dangers
of climate change in what was then the far off future of 2022. Look at us now, in 2019,
feeling those effects. More people should have been paying attention to this dystopian
sci fi thriller starring Charlton Heston. In the movie, the Soylent Corporation are
telling people that if they eat Soylent Green, they will be fine. That’s what they need.
It’s their distant future version of superfood or kale or quinoa. People are told that it’s
good for them and that it has all the nutrients that they need. But then one man stumbles
upon the big twist: Soylent Green is made from people. The Soylent Corporation has turned
everyone into cannibals and they’re just blindly following it without realizing. It’s
a metaphor for all kinds of government control, but hey, maybe Soylent Green is actually quite
tasty. No one ever said, “Eww, what’s in this?” They just ate it and enjoyed it.
Krabby Patty
When SpongeBob SquarePants made a Krabby Patty for King Neptune in an early episode of the
series (a different version of King Neptune than the balding one Jeffrey Tambor would
play when the show got a movie spin-off), the aquatic ruler enjoyed it so much that
he threw it back up just so he could eat it again. That sounds like a sandwich we’d
like to try. It must be pretty special, because it has managed to keep a steady flow of business
coming to a restaurant that’s located in the middle of nowhere. Plus, the recipe for
the burger is so unique and brilliant that a rival restauranteur has dedicated his life
to figuring out what it is. No one can figure out how to make one of these things from the
sandwich alone – they’d need the secret formula. And even then, only a very skilled
fry cook like SpongeBob can make it pitch perfect. It’s like an undersea version of
the Colonel’s chicken. No one who doesn’t work at KFC and gets the opportunity to peek
behind the curtain can figure out the same combination of spices that make that chicken
taste so good. It’s a good way to do business.
Chef’s Chocolate Salty Balls
This is not just a fictional food – it is also a song. It was recorded for the South
Park episode that introduced Chef’s signature dish, but it was also released as a single.
In the song, Chef implores you to suck on his Chocolate Salty Balls. Those gleefully
unsubtle double entendres don’t deter any of his customers, so they must be a really
delicious snack. The blending of chocolate and salty flavors is certainly inventive and
it would be interesting to see how they complement one another in Chef’s creation. It was a
shame when the show lost Chef, but his voice actor Isaac Hayes was so offended by series
creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone’s take on Scientology in the episode “Trapped in
the Closet” that he decided to leave the show during its ninth season. How did Trey
and Matt respond? They took all the voice recordings of Isaac Hayes that they had the
rights to and twisted the words around to make him say things that made him sound like
a pervert. It’s all class with those guys.
The Heart Stopper
The Heart Stopper is available at all Burger Shot locations in Liberty City in Grand Theft
Auto IV. While its name is intended as a satirical jab at the fast food industry and the restaurant
it’s served in has a crude sexual pun for a name, the burger itself would be interesting
to try. The billboard ads for the burger, which can be seen all over Liberty City, bear
the slogan, “This burger may kill you! We can’t be held responsible.” Actually,
“responsible” is misspelled “respondsible” on the ad, which is either a spelling error
by Rockstar or a very tongue-in-cheek joke that since the disclaimer was misspelled,
they actually can be held responsible, because they never technically said they couldn’t.
Also, the TV commercials show a man calling 9-1-1 after suffering a heart attack while
eating the burger. The marketing team at Burger Shot aren’t trying to hide the fact that
eating this thing is a dangerous game. It has seven meat patties on it, which according
to the posters for the burger, totals six pounds of beef. The Heart Stopper costs $100
- it must be a crazy good burger.
Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans
Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans are one of the most popular candies in Harry Potter’s
world of wizards and witches. We can’t possibly hope to understand the appeal of some of these
flavors in our white bread muggle world, but in the wizarding world, they are something
special. Harry first tries them on the train to Hogwarts when Ron introduces him to them.
You might get peach or you might get overcooked cabbage. You might get pink grapefruit or
you might get liver and tripe. You might get tutti-frutti or you might get vomit. J.K.
Rowling came up with some inspired ideas for flavors: spaghetti, troll booger, roast beef,
spinach, soap, bacon, salmon, even sulphur! The advertising tagline for Bertie Bott’s
Every Flavor Beans goes, “A risk with every mouthful!” So, perhaps the appeal of these
things is the thrill of not knowing what flavor the next bean will be. Sure, it could taste
like a strawberry or a watermelon or a grape, but it could also taste like a boot or a cockroach
or a doorknob. It’s kind of like an extreme and magical version those Doritos bags where
you play roulette with the chips – maybe it’ll be a nice, mild, tasty chip, or maybe
it’ll be hotter and spicier than anything else on God’s green Earth. That’s all
a part of the excitement. So, maybe that’s what all the fuss is about. Either way, they
would be fun to try. And thankfully, this is one fictional food that you can actually
try for yourself!
Scooby Snacks
These must be some good cookies. There’s no way that Shaggy and Scooby would let a
crunchy snack distract them from their impending death by mummy attack or ghostly possession
if it wasn’t a really, really delicious treat. Shaggy’s catch all excuse for his
incredible appetite is simply that being in a constant state of fear, hanging around in
haunted mansions and abandoned amusement parks surrounded by zombies and werewolves and mummies
all day every day, has also put him in a constant state of hunger. Now, the logic of that doesn’t
quite add up, since fear and hunger are two emotional states with no connection at all,
but if that’s the line and he’s sticking with it, then Scooby Snacks must be really
something. Based on the fact that they’re called Scooby Snacks and not Human Snacks,
it is safe to assume that these are supposed to be a treat for dogs. But since Shaggy enjoys
them just as much as his trusty canine companion, if not more, they must be some darn tasty
dog treats. There’s some sort of big taboo about humans eating dog food, but Mel Gibson’s
Martin Riggs character in Lethal Weapon ate dog biscuits in order to kick smoking and
that worked, so it wouldn’t be the end of the world for a human to enjoy dog treats.
The Wonka Bar
Remember how gloopy and rich that melted chocolate in the lake at Wonka’s factory looked before
Augustus Gloop did exactly what we all would have done and collapsed into it to start slurping
up as much as he could and then got stuck in a pipe and almost died? Yeah, well, imagine
that chocolate set into a mold and made into a candy bar. Pretty tasty, right? Even in
Tim Burton’s bleak and gothic view of Roald Dahl’s once colorful world, Wonka Bars look
delicious. The Oompa Loompas are really hard workers and they come from the forest where
the beans that go into Wonka’s chocolate originate from, so you know you’re getting
the best tender love and care from the factory line when you commit to the purchase and consumption
of a Wonka Bar. You’re in good hands. Wonka is the best in the business. And as an added
bonus on top of the deliciousness of Wonka’s chocolate, you might end up getting one of
the ones with a golden ticket inside it and then you’ll get a private tour of Wonka’s
factory. Okay, you might die at the factory, but you also might be the Charlie Bucket figure
who passes all of Wonka’s tests and wins the day.
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