I have not seen another human being in six months,
but I would rather go back in that hole than do this with you people.
See if we can get you up on the screen here.
Howdy! There you go. The architect of the capitol working with the attending physician
has set up the room in a fashion that we can safely do our business.
(Coughs) Rose garden.
How are you doing?
All these surfaces got lysoled, right? Pledge. Not the same.
Most of us are wearing masks.
Do you mean figuratively all the time?
Alright let's get straight to the beer. We could use more of that.
How many cases?
Many cases. We could come up with any number we wanted. 80 cases Mr. Chairman. That's not enough.
Double that. 120 cases. You are bad at math.
Are they working to help the moms trying to balance a toddler on their lap
while balancing a laptop on their desk?
Wait you have to balance your laptop?
What kind of weird Bolivian laptop do you have, where you have to balance it on a desk?
Let me tell you a political secret. We are politicizing the courts and that is wrong.
Justice Ginsburg was confirmed 96 to 3.
Amazing. Apparently just about every Republican voted for her. There was no fight over that.
Justice Scalia I think got 97 votes. That is stunning. That's how it happens when it's done properly.
Can this be the same Senate? It is not.
I don't know what happened between then and now. I think it's because we quit doing our jobs,
and just kicked it to the judiciary which we've hyper-politicized. We can all take some blame.
You don't want the United States Supreme Court to turn into this.
All Republicans will vote yes and all Democrats will vote no.
Well how will the third parties vote? Oh right okay continue.
I don't know how we get this train back on the track. The best we can do is blame each other.
Some of us have Robert Bork stuck in our craw.
Others have Merrick Garland stuck in their craw.
That's water under the bridge.
A bridge we also set fire to.
Can you see me? Can you hear me?
Yes sir and we see you, there you are.
There wasn't a technical question. I feel like I'm not, I am not a part of this process. Almost useless.
This woman in front of us, she is the absolute worst.
Senator that's a mirror in front of you.
Before I begin I wanted to take a moment to talk directly with the American people.
(Groans)
Any big plans for a Biden-Harris administration?
Virtually unchecked power.
Cool.
The United States Congress either voluntarily or involuntarily has ceded a lot of its power
to the executive branch and to the federal judiciary.
There's nothing you can do about it. I will do whatever my colleagues want in terms of motions.
Do this.
Oh you should do this thing.
This is theater. Puppet theater.
We do not submit to the leftist agenda. You submit to the rightest agenda.
I for one do not want to live in such an America.
Well good luck trying to leave.
I mean we only have like six years left. Just white knuckle it.
By nominating Judge Barrett the President is keeping his promise.
That's why they call him Honest Don, because he keeps his word.
He said it clearly, we should believe it. Why should we not take him at his word?
Because of all of his other words.
I want you to punch Donald Trump in the face. I would like to take a shot.
I can hit him very fast. Dude, that's a felony.
You said that that's what your plan was. I think it's disturbing that we're having this conversation.
This is a political parlor game. I like board games.
I mean we've already done Monopoly, and Battleship. Can we play Pandemic after this?
I'd love to do that. You realize Pandemic is a cooperative game, right?
I don't know how to do that.
There's nothing in the Constitution that requires—
I have Risk Legacy, but I feel like you guys are doing that already.
Sometimes it was Catholics who weren't trusted with guns,
sometimes it was Protestants who weren't trusted with guns.
Sometimes police and no knock raids.
The American people are not morons. And that's why they elected you all.
Can everybody just give me a quote that I can maliciously edit out of context?
Let's go back to segregated schools.
Climate change? I thought you didn't cause the Cold War.
Bring out the sandblasters.
Thank you.
What's the dimension of time? Can you just explain what standing is?
You just do this.
Who wins when you allow unlimited dark money in politics? Not Beto O'Rourke.
This so-called four horsemen of the apocalypse,
Trump, Pence, Biden, Harris?
Do you speak any foreign language?
I can say a lot if you pardon my french.
There is one very important unwritten rule.
Oh the five second rule!
Never let them know you're lying.
Keep your word.
The senators have always kept their word.
And that's why the American people have so much trust and faith in Congress.
This is a thing that works. Okay prop time. There's Barb Slater she's an amazing, amazing woman.
Whoopsie.
Oh but no, they touched the floor so we can't. Unwritten rule. Sorry.
Originalists say, "let's go back to 1776."
That's not, that's—no that's not, google originalism. You do this for a job.
These are not normal times. This is not normal. This isn't normal right now.
You guys know crazy is normal around these parts, right?
It's also not normal, clearly, because we're in the middle of a pandemic.
Alright let's do a super cut.
In the middle of a pandemic,
during a pandemic, during a pandemic, middle of a pandemic, in the midst of a pandemic,
in the middle of a pandemic, in the middle of a pandemic,
How many times have we heard it? I wish I had a nickel for every time I've heard this term.
So does Lindsay.
I have two letters I'd like to submit for the reference. F-U. B-S.
I think we all need to concede. I hear that a lot. Let's end this disaster.
I'll second that motion. Okay let's never do this again.