There are several functions that require your attendance, sir.
Great. Let's get started!
-Are we there yet? -Are we there yet?
-Hey, that's not funny. -Hey, that's not funny.
-Hey, that's really immature. -That's really immature.
-See, this is why nobody likes ogres. -Nobody likes ogres.
-All right. Your loss. -All right. Your loss.
-I'm going to just stop talking! -Finally!
Two things. OK?
Shut... up.
Nobody said I have the right to remain silent.
Donkey, you have the right to remain silent.
What you lack is the capacity.
I will always be here to make sure nobody bothers you.
-Donkey. -Yes, roomie?
You're bothering me.
I like my privacy.
Can I stay with you, please?
Of course!
-Really? -No.
I live in a swamp.
I put up signs.
I'm a terrifying ogre.
What do I have to do to get a little privacy?
It's hideous.
Oh, that's not very nice.
It's just a donkey.
All right. You're going the right way for smack bottom.
They're my parents, Shrek. They love me.
And don't worry, they're going to love you, too.
Yeah, right.
Somehow I don't think I'll be welcome at the country club.
-You could at least give them a chance. -Oh, to do what?
Sharpen their pitchforks?
Well...
it's easy to see where Fiona gets her good looks from.
Oh, great. More relatives.
Well, somebody better be dying.
I'm dying.
I saw this flower and thought of you because it's pretty,
and well, I don't really like it,
but I thought you might like it because you're pretty.
But I like you anyway. I...
I'm in trouble.
-What if, theoretically... -Yeah?
...they were little ogre feet?
Oh.
Honey,
let's try and be rational about this.
Have you seen a baby lately?
They just eat and poop and they cry,
and then they cry when they poop and they poop when they cry.
Now, imagine an ogre baby.
They extra cry and they extra poop.
They grow up so fast.
Not fast enough.
What in the shista-shire kind of place is this?
Well, my stomach aches and my palms just got sweaty.
Must be a high school.
I think this whole wall thing is just a way to keep somebody out.
No. Do you think?
Who you trying to keep out? Tell me that. Who?
Everyone! OK?
Look at him, in his wee little boots.
You know how many cats can wear boots?
Honestly.
Oh, let's keep him.
Oh, plague is bad.
The coughing, the groaning, the festering sores.
Festering sores.
Hey, you are one funny kitty cat.
But at least you got us to help you out.
That's true.
I'm doomed.
Because that's what friends do. They forgive each other!
Oh, yeah.
Yeah. You're right, donkey.
I forgive you...
for stabbing me in the back!
I said good night!
Shrek, what are you doing?
I ju... You know?
Oh, come on. I was just kidding.
Man, you have to change your tactics if you want to get anywhere with this kid.
You're right, donkey.
What about this?
Shrek!
Oh, come on. It's just a joke.
A cute button nose?
Thick, wavy locks?
Taut, round buttocks?
Look out, princess.
Here comes the new me.
Thank you, gentlemen.
Someday I will repay you.
Unless, of course, I can't find you or if I forget.
If you think this whole mad scene ain't dope,
I feel you, dude.
I mean, I'm not trying to get up in your grill
or raise your roof or whatever,
but what I am screaming is, "Yo!
Check out this kazing thazing, bazaby!"
I mean, if it doesn't groove
or what I'm saying ain't straight trippin',
just say, "Oh, no, you didn't.
You know, you're getting on my last nerve."
And then I'll know it's...
Then I'll know it's wack.