- [Narrator] Hey, Psych2Goers.
Ah, love, it's by far one of the most sought-after
treasures since the dawning of emotion.
And we mean romantic, forever, partner kind of love,
but we can often mistake different kinds of bonds
or comradery as love,
which can set us up for a whole world of heartbreak,
and sometimes embarrassment.
So, to help you figure out what love is not,
come on over to our knowledge vault.
Opening up, here we go.
No talking for a few weeks?
No problem.
We're not encouraging clingy, smothering, rapid-fire,
where-are-you, who-are-you-with, what-are-you-doing texts
every few seconds.
At the same time, if you are in love with someone,
you will at least want to hear from them regularly.
If you find yourself breathing a little sigh of relief
when they don't respond to your texts,
or they've been mysteriously silent for days on end
and you either shrug it off or don't notice,
you're likely not in love.
Being in love is a pretty intense emotion,
so feeling super nonchalant or avoidant doesn't fit.
Number two, you are consistently venting
to others about them.
Yay, we're not perfect.
We all mess up, messed up and blunder.
Once in a while, that's normal
and expected and can even be healthy
as an avenue to learn something new about your partner.
If being outright irritated with them is the norm,
that's different.
Think about when you talk about them
with your friends and family.
Is it usually pretty even,
peppered with mundanely positive things
like, the store was so busy.
Good thing they're really good at parallel barking.
It was the last spot.
Or, is the bulk of the conversation always,
I can't believe they did this.
What were they thinking?
How can they always be so inconsiderate?
I could just scream right now!
If the occasional venting becomes constant,
frequent and consistent complaining,
love just might have exited the building.
Number three, you don't enjoy being around them anymore.
Be honest with yourself,
do you feel relief when they cancel dates?
Does being with them feel like work?
Even if you're someone who normally likes your alone time,
you would still normally enjoy being around your partner,
or at least feel some comfort in it.
You'd wanna share meaningful moments with them.
We get it, though, you are not clones of each other
and you might wanna catch up on the latest Marvel movie
with your Marvel fan friends
instead of your partner who prefers period dramas.
That's all good.
What's not all good?
When you'd rather be alone without your partner
or with other people for all the outings.
You could keep saying, well, their interests are different,
which happens, but if it gets to a point
where your interests diverge so much
that there's nothing in common,
love may not be the emotion you're feeling.
Number four, telling them you love them feels fake.
Are the words "I love you" stuck in your throat
because you really feel that way and want to tell them,
but you're scared of what they'll say?
Sure, you could be in love but feel insecure.
Or, does "I love you" come out feeling forced?
Does it feel like an obligatory payment
in exchange for your partners saying it
or from outside pressures?
If the words feel rough coming out
because you don't really feel it, you're likely not in love.
And number five, honesty feels conditional.
Sure, you'll be honest with them
about little things and only where there's a common like.
They like chocolate chip meant ice cream
and so do you, so you'll happily talk about that.
But you like sappy romcoms,
whereas they hate them and like action movies,
so you only see action movies.
Maybe you a Star Trek fan
and you think Star Wars is overrated,
but you won't tell them that.
Hiding even the little things means
you feel you can't be yourself around them,
which is definitely not a sign
of being in love with a person.
If you feel you can't be you around your partner,
how could it truly be love?
Love in all its forms is one of the major drivers
that lets us be and feel our best.
Love has created healers and enabled major discoveries.
It's powerful.
Forget the gold rush,
what about the love rush?
Unfortunately, we often want it so badly,
we're willing to deal with pyrite,
also known as fool's gold,
and took ourselves into thinking it's the real thing.
Be better to yourself and to the person you're with.
We deserve love in its most real, pure form.
Don't settle for a knockoff.
Do you have questions about any of the points?
What are your experiences?
Discuss, comment, and share.
Even if you're not in love with us,
you can like us by clicking on that button.
Thanks so much, and we'll see you soon.