♫ There she is, Miss
- Diaper Queen.
- Let's talk about that.
(snazzy upbeat music)
(flames roaring)
Good Mythical Morning.
- Men have gone to ludicrous lengths
to formalize the judgment of women.
You may have heard of it.
It's called the Beauty Pageant.
- Yes, and as the husband of a woman
who was once crowned Little Miss Erwin Denim.
- Really?
- Totally legitimate. (Link laughs)
I know the different excuses that people will come up with
to throw a pageant.
It turns out, it doesn't take much.
And some of the pageants that we're gonna look at today
make the Denim Pageant seem almost normal.
- [Link] We gonna go on a tangent
about some mind-bogglin' beauty pangeants!
- Some pangeants? - Pangeants,
tangents. - Okay,
let's start off with Miss Diaper Queen.
This started in the '40s, the 1940s,
and it was the highlight
of the Diaper Service Institute of America's
Annual Diaper Convention!
- Women wore diapers in the '40s?
- Well, no, I don't think that all women did.
I think that that is - I don't think so either.
just at this pageant, and this is the only beauty pageant
where they didn't judge you for your walk,
they judge you for your runs.
- Ooh! (Rhett chuckles awkwardly)
- Actually, I think that--
- That's why we're testing
the diapers. - That was probably the only
way to be disqualified was to actually
use the diaper. (Link laughs)
I think that all I do is, no!
Do not use the product.
Do not use the product,
ladies. - Why were they wearing
diapers? - Well, this was, well
because it was at the Diaper Convention.
And it turns out that
this was a-- - Why was there a
Diaper Convention? - Well, because you gotta sell
diapers to somebody, - Okay.
and you gotta use women's bodies
to do it, man! - Alright,
print ya a ticket. - So it turns out
this is somethin' that was done quite a bit
in the middle of the last century,
because if you have a product that you can't
necessarily sell, you incorporate a beautiful woman
and maybe you can sell it.
That's why there was also Miss Sausage Queen,
Miss Hard-Boiled Egg, and even Miss National Catfish Queen,
who turns out is actually just a 40 year-old hoarder
named Patrick, and I can't believe I fell for it.
- (laughs) All the right sausage in all the right places.
(Rhett groans in distaste)
(Link and people in background laughing)
Actually, she coulda had
more saus-- - Move along, move along.
- Okay. (background people laughing)
Alright, look at these wimmings, women standing--
- Look at dese wimmies. - Look at dese wimmies.
- I got some wimmies for ye.
- Alright. (background people laughing)
Look at these women standing next to x-rays
wearing short-shorts and heels.
This is not the best
radiologist pageant, sadly. - Oh, okay, bummer.
- These are the winners of Miss Perfect Posture.
- They all do have nice posture.
- They were, again, they were lots of posture pageants
held back in the '50s and '60s,
kinda like you were sayin' as a PR stunt
to legitimize the chiropractic studies.
- Oh, the studies.
- Which people were really suspicious
of the chiropractic industry.
- But not anymore, it's completely legitimate now,
right? - Oh, no, that's right,
so here's how it would work.
Entrants would stand on two scales, one foot on each scale,
and if the scales showed the same weight,
they had good posture. - Right.
- If the scales showed different weights,
they were labeled as witches and burned at the stake.
- Good.
- Yeah, they used x-ray images
to analyze the spine alignment,
and it also gave all the contestants radiation poisoning.
- Yeah, cause they radiated the face.
I mean, look at that!
- [Link] You're right, they did.
- They didn't know the effects.
- And they're happy about it.
- Okay, I got another one for you.
In 1941, the New York subway's advertising company
had a great idea, they said, let's put pictures of women
up on the ad banner inside of subways
so that people would raise their eyes to look at the women,
and then they would see the other advertisements.
- Not the sandwich shop,
the train, the underground - Just women.
trains. - Okay, just women!
- No, women and underground trains.
- And on the subways.
Which seems like a great idea, right?
But they didn't just use pictures of ladies.
They actually created an entire Miss Subways Pageant,
and instead of walking a stage,
contestants rode the subway, and I'm not sure how they
conducted the pageant on the subway,
and I don't know-- - She is so good at sittin'
on a subway car. - She balances so well,
look, she doesn't even have to hold the bar.
Here's some photos of Miss Subway.
You see, Who will be Miss Subways?
That's how it appeared.
- [Link] It looks like a Missing Persons ad.
- (laughs) Yes, have you seen these women?
That's what it should say
up there. (everyone laughs)
- They're missing, Miss Missing on the Subway.
- Now, you may think this sounds like a crazy idea,
but it was so crazy, they continued it for 35 years
until 1976, so unfortunately,
we don't get to experience this today.
- Because subways don't exist anymore.
- Right, it's all planes now.
- That's what did it.
In the '30s, men realized if they focus pageants
on certain parts of the body,
they can make even more pageants to judge
specific parts of women. - You're right.
- I just spat everywhere. - It's okay,
it's okay on this show. - Feel free to judge me.
- Let me walk you through some footage
from the Miss Lovely Eyes Pageant
where they just focused on the loveliness of the eyes.
Okay, so as you can see, they're linin' up,
and they're bein' turned into bandits.
- [Rhett] Right, they're gonna rob something now.
- [Link] Right, and then the (mumbles),
it was like kinda giggling.
This is so cute. - So much fun!
- [Rhett] He's, whoa, he's an eye man (laughs).
- [Link] And then the winner of Mister Receding Hairline
got to touch their faces
and force their eyes open.
- [Rhett] She's so happy to be objectified.
- [Link] They're looking for an exit,
like, get me outta here.
- [Rhett] She said, I'm so glad I'm not one a them.
- [Link] (laughs) And she won.
- At a price. - And look, she has
a face under there.
- [Rhett] Wow!
Hey, wow. - Look, everybody's happy.
- Oh, he's not an eye man.
(Rhett and Link laugh)
You know, he's like, on the, the non eye man
just went to sleep on that one.
- I think he was a conscientious objector.
He's like, I'm not participating in this
judgment of women's eyes. - I'm just gonna go to sleep.
- I'm afraid of bandits.
- Now pageants found their way
into every industry including space!
NASA and other space programs like JPL.
We're familiar with JPL.
We took a field trip there,
remember that? - We did.
- Well, they held beauty pageants--
- And I saw women everywhere.
- Wimmins, yeah.
- It was crawlin' with women. - You saw wimmin, every time
you say women, you say, "Wimmin."
You might need to see somebody.
(Link and people in background laugh)
Wimmin. - Wimmin.
- Wimmin, man. (Link wheezes with laughter)
- I think we're part - I'm not doin'--
- of the problem. - I'm not doin' it on purpose.
- In the 1950s, '60s, and '70s--
- There was mens there, too. - There was mens.
- They held pageants at the space programs
that featured female employees.
Names of these pageants included Miss NASA,
Queen of Outer Space, not makin' this up,
even Miss Guided Missile.
- Miss Guided Missile?
- Should of been called Miss We Don't Care if You've
Established Yourself in the Field of Science and Math.
Get up there and be purty for us!
(Link and people in background laugh)
- As you might guess, many of the women did not approve
of the pageant.
- Cool, cool.
- And so in 1970--
- They sent 'em all to space.
- No, in 1973, a group of women secretly swapped out
the normal ballets with mock ballets
that featured 45 male employees,
and the mens did not like this.
(Link laughs)
This ended all pageantry at NASA,
because apparently the men insisted
on being judged by their work.
- Houston, we have a problem.
The women are thinking about what's happening here.
- Oh, gosh.
- Good for you, NASA ladies.
- NASA ladies.
- And you know what? - NASA wimmin.
(people in background chuckle)
NASA wimmins my favorite - The wimmin have taken--
wimmin. - There are no, there are no
men at NASA anymore.
- Right, they took over.
- Yeah.
I hope they do.
It's not too late, is it?
- Do you have another one for us, Link?
- I do have another one, listen.
To give you even more hope in women power,
in 2015, Chinese women organized
the Women's Armpit Hair Competition.
It swept through the Chinese social media site Weibo,
which I know you're--
- I'm a big fan of that. - You're addicted to that.
- They posted selfies of their hairy underarms
to promote women's rights.
- I've revealed my underarms quite a few times on this show,
all for women's rights (laughs) every time I've done it.
- Well, why don't you wear heels and a corset.
- They've done that on the show as well.
- Oh okay, I didn't know that, so I did it.
Winner Zhu Xixi said, "My boyfriend at the time
"just took it for granted that I shaved my armpits
to wear sleeveless t-shirts.
"Then I shaved all of his underarm hair
"and let him experience what girls go through."
She could have also taken away half his paycheck
because that's the actual gender wage gap in China.
- Ooh, feel all that, gender wage gap with armpit hair.
- Yes, you can, that's the--
- I don't know, there's a joke there.
- We're men, that's what we do.
Oh, there's an age gap?
Not an age gap. - It's a wage gap,
and that's a serious one.
Now if you have tired, or you've had your fill
of stories of men judging women,
maybe you would enjoy a story of a woman judging
landmark decisions from the highest court in the land!
Check out the book - Okay.
from one of our Supreme Court justices called
Sonia Sotomayor, My Beloved World.
- Cool, we got a deal for you.
Go to Audible.com/GMM and get a free audio book
and a 30-day trial.
They've got countless titles to choose from
including that one.
Link is in the description.
- Thank you for liking, commenting, and subscribing.
- You know what time it is.
- Hello, my name is Gabbi.
I'm from Ohio, and
♫ It's time to spin
♫ The Wheel of Mythicality
- Thanks to Audible for sponsoring this episode.
Remember, go to Audible.com/GMM for your free audio book
with a 30-day trial.
- Yes, and click goodikkamythicalmore.
We're gonna have our own pageant
focusin' on the Dazzling Ear.
Who has the purdiest ears?
- Gifticality, that means we're donating $1000
to St. Jude Children's Hospital to help them
in their fight against childhood cancer
and other life-threatening diseases.
(applause)
- Join us by donating to stjude.org/givethanks.
- Yes.
- [Link] Click on the left to watch our show after the show,
Good Mythical More.
- [Rhett] Click on the right to watch another episode
of Good Mythical Morning.
- [Link] And click the circular channel icon to subscribe.
- [Rhett] Thanks for bein' your mythical best.