SMaCk
Mashed Potatoes.
Thanksgiving's all about Turkey,
All about various cranberry SaOucEs
But when it comes to the real hero of Thanksgiving
and pretty much any meal all year round
it's mashed potatoes.
Right here I have 11 boxes of this variety
I have 19 boxes of these Idahoan potatoes
All powdered and dehydrated...
All they're waiting for is some water, some BUtter
And maybe a splash of milk if you're feeling sassy.
And I've got some gravy here, with which i'm going
to top this deliciousness within my bathtub, and then.........................
We celebrate the true meaning of Thanksgiving??
So what I'm gonna do, is I'm gonna open all these, I'm gonna put them in this bathtub
I'm gonna mix it up with some hot water. Hopefully water's hot by the time it gets in this....
It's gonna be cold potatoes and no one wants cold potatoes.
And then.............baby we got a stew going.
Except with potatoes... we got mash- We got a potato stew going
Yeah....
Kobe! So- LeBron! So we're gonna be putting these mashed potatoes in this bathtub,
and the only way to do that
Is with brute force...
A delicate hand. If anyone decided that brute force was their first thought going into this
pfFfFt
They don't know potatoes.
They don't know- they-
They don't know potatoes. So, lets get to work.
*sings* One of things is not like the other
One of these things just doesn't belong!!!
Mmmm, check out those flakes. Mmm. That's some meaty texture, huh
Now, uh, ordinarily I'd be using full potatoes, but there's a drought going on. The potatoes of this harvest
just dried up, didn't have a chance. But I don't care about the environment, so I'm just gonna
*Potato Pouring noises* I'm just gonna
Go to town on this one
*T H U N K*
Uh, Shaq.
*in a country style accent* DeMarcus Cousins.
*M O R E T H U N K I N G*
Uuuuuhhh, Alright
Uh, Bill Clinton
[Music]
Mmm
*S N I F F*
Hmm, that smells bad
Okay, so take a look at this madness that I've created right here.
This
is what roughly
35 pounds of potatoes looks like...
Doesn't look like much on its surface, but it's just brimming with potential. Ya know,
There's some people that like slime channels that just rub all over slime. Me? I like my taters.
But you gotta wonder will this turn into slime if I don't get the ratio of water right, to be perfectly honest
I don't even know if there's water gonna be warm the first time it comes out of the faucet
But the only way to do that is you got to test it from within
There's like a dust layer on you. It's like you've been in here for a thousand years....
All right, so we got to get in there.
Whoo that's
Like a beach.
It feels like I'm on the beach.
Hand me that bucket there. In order to make sure that I got the right
temperature........?
*C L A N G*
Quickly like, turn it on hot, clunk this down
Is that warm?
Oh that's warm all right baby. Oh, that's warm all right, okay, you just gotta
OOHHH NOO!!
Everything's fine... this is warm, so I just gotta like
Guesstimate based on live
interaction of the
potatoes in the water, right?
This is potater
welcome to tator town, you know mater from the Cars movie?
I think you see where I'm going with this
That's a smell....ah..... you know when your brain smells something new and it goes
'Danger!' That's what I'm getting right now. Yeah believe it or not. I've never actually made some taters of this quantity before oh,
And I've fed my in-laws
*laughs* F**k off
You know they say the sense of smell is the strongest memory... I'm gonna be on my deathbed
and I'm gonna try to think of my family try to think like my friends all the good memories
and I'm just gonna have a flashback to me in a bathtub full of mashed potaters!
I can't tell if that's gonna be a good memory, or a bad memory soon. Oh well. Sorry loved ones you've been replaced.
That's the....
Not good stuff, but it's- that's the stuff! This is a thing that I've chosen to do
Okay, I'm gonna put I'm gonna put a pause on
the water flow real quick just cuz.... I want to see
this looks like and has the consistency of what both goes in and comes out of a baby
[Grunts]
The grunting doesn't make this any less awkward oh
Did I mention that this video is gonna be completely disgusting? Because I-I swear
I promised myself that I would mention that at the beginning as like a warning
Orrr a teeaasser
*Grunts* It's snowing
Christmas can't wait oh
oh, Ooh, Ah the Potomac, no block up the dam, I'm like the little Dutch boy
i'm like that weird kid on the side of the road that makes mash potaters out of a bathtub (Mark no one does that...)
*Awkward cough*
I'm like markiplier doing something stupid again. Oh
Yeah, do I have potato soup yet, or is this some sort of whisk-able substance?
Ah, ASMR
Well, I'm out of breath, and I do believe that I'm probably gonna start sweating soon
Which is just gonna add to the flavor it always needs a little more salt - my whisk oh
It's like pulling the sword from the Stone, but in Ireland. I bet you didn't think that you're gonna be watching this today
Have fun deleting this from your browsing history. This whisk is fine.
See now it's got a delightful
halo,
cuz, it's dead.
That's the POTUSCUS
Okay I-I have now cemented myself in place, but the good news is
Non-existent. This is the worst thing that I've ever done
I have reached a new low this is not what I meant by better content
You know it's a weirdest thing - these potatoes are both slippery and like cement
Which means that either mashed potatoes are a lubricant or
the opposite of that
A frictionint
A Stickinant, a make-it-goopler-int
I'm gonna fall
And die in a bathtub full of mashed potatoes. If I fall and die in a bathtub of mashed potatoes
I mean honestly that'd be the bes-
I mean...
It's not the worst way to end. So we've reached a juncture. It's-it's
Looking a lot like mashed potatoes except with an additives of a few other fluids and substances that weren't originally meant for potatoes
But that's okay we here at Markiplier HQ like to innovate
And always push ourselves higher and farther to reach the lowest point on the Internet. Wow that handle will never be the same, okay
Ooh, yeah... That's...that's not right
You know even though I've not cursed at all in this video or made any sort of reference
I'm willing to bet this video is gonna get Demonetized, but, but, but, big whompin BUTTS
We have got good potato here
Now when you can really-
When it jiggles back at you,
That's when you know you got a good mash
What what what?
You asked me if that's a but
That's the Millennium Falcon
Duuhh
Gotcha, hon you're dead
Okay anyway, so we got mashed potatoes, but that's only half of the equation because the rest of the equation is in the gravy...
Okay! [screams] Clean! we've got a bucket
Which as we all know is the first step to good gravy, and we've got instant gravy
Which I like and everything in my life to be as instantaneous as possible. I ain't gonna wait for shit
I can deploy the same strategy I used for the..the whatcha-ma-woosit... The hot chocolate!
You gotta like bag them open. Yeah, you can only go like two at a time. You just kind of like hmmf the bags
You know I think that's my problem like my brain and even like my mouth can be screaming at me "No Mark!!"
"Don't do that. You stupid idiot. It's not the right way!" or "That idea is really dumb!"
I think I just rubbed gravme on my forehead
But my body just automatically is like "oh"
You wanna you want to open them all and then have to do it all one ahead time even slower than you would have done
It before because I can't even get this one
OPEN!
[falsetto] Let's sit in the bathtub of mashed potatoes!
Alright so what we have here is a bucket of slop looks a lot like vomit cuz it's pretty close now
Now I don't know how much water is necessary for this to become true gravy, but I think I know good gravy when I see it
Okay, I'm almost positive I added too much water. I'm almost a hundred percent. It's not supposed to look like
Chocolate milk... Actually that doesn't look like chocolate milk, that looks like toilet water
That smells good, smells like dinner's on
Now I gotta just....
You know I'd like to think that my channel can go from one day being completely wholesome and innocent and the next day being
Literally an idea that a toddler would come up with and then go whoo
"That was a bad idea me I better not do that". So when I'm eating my mashed potatoes
I'd like to do what I think a lot of people like to do and that's form a caldera. Now a caldera is
The landscape that forms after a volcano has erupted so think of the mashed potatoes as
Already been exploded out of everywhere it leaves this gap in the middle and over time that
caldera can turn into a lake when you have gravy...
Introduce to the mix. this is
The greatest thing I've ever done
Okay mysterious happenings: the gravy is draining
somewhere
I don't know where. I may have somehow created a magic smell-
a magic spell that
Created a portal into another dimension
You know how in Minecraft you put the nether bricks around something?
And then you just light it with a flint and somehow it magically turns into a portal into the nether?
This is a portal into the realm of gravy. All right well dimensions into otherworldly realms of gravy aside
I think what we have here is a delicious treat that can't be beat
You know
I've, uh, I've eaten some pretty terrible things in my life
I've eaten the pig testicle, I've done hot sauce challenges. I've eaten many peppers
Uuuuuummmm
That is pretty up there
This is what I imagine Matt Damon had to eat when he was trapped on Mars for a year
Well, you know I didn't get this potato to eat
uuummmmm
potatoes have many uses, uhh, first and foremost of which is it's
incredible for the skin, and if you just
Get enough oh
Mmm, ahh
Relaxing
Now, THAT is what I call a good day
Mm-hmm okay, all right. Somehow this like you wouldn't think that this would be grosser than the hot chocolate challenge...
Or you might exactly think that.
So anyway that is the, uhh bathtub mashed potato
Thing that I did. Happy Thanksgiving everybody
I hope you all understood the true meaning of this holiday
And what it means to give thanks for all that you have in life
But what it means to give thanks to every opportunity that comes your way
You know you can conquer anything if you believe in yourself, so if you come up with this thought
Don't do it. Just don't
some things, some lessons, are-are-are
Taught to you to not do. Bad things happen to good people
because they need to learn from the experience and then grow as an individual.
So thank you everybody so much for watching and as always, I will see you
In the next video, Buh Bye!!
Okay
how do I get to the shower?
ooh
ah
A long time ago in a video...
I said
that I might be a potato
I hope that you all KNOW
that that was for my new ego, Potatoplier
everything else was just leading up to this point
I planted seeds of doubt
Please, I need someone to go collect a timeline
of every hint leading up to this moment
where I reveal the great and powerful POTATOPLIER
And EVERYONE will know for a fact
that I'M the genius of egos
I have the best video ideas
Nothing can stop me when I put my mind to something
NO MATTER HOW MANY PEOPLE TELL ME ITS A BAD IDEA
AND NOTHING WILL KEEP ME FROM KNOWING WHAT I WANT TO KNOW
AND CREATING WHAT I WANT TO CREATE
I TOOK A HIATUS FOR THIS VERY REASON
It was all leading up to it
THIS IS THE SAME LEVEL OF PRODUCTION QUALITY FOR "WHO KILLED MARKIPLIER" (English subtitles by: Sabrina Kolas, MonsterVerse Godzilla, and trickulous)