Now, the first thing we'll need is some trombone. *trombone starts playing*
Yes, that'll do.
Most music is usually either in 3 beats, so strawberry strawberry or 4 beats, fuck Bill Cosby fuck Bill Cosby
Now we're going to throw in another instrument for funsies.
This is an acoustic guitar.
You might recognise it from that dick on campus who can only play three chords
and keeps trying to get your girlfriend into bed.
This note only lasts one beat, this is Sally two beats, this is three beats McGee and Jodie fourster.
There's also half a beat, quarter of a beat, an eighth of a beat, but let's take it slow.
Put notes together and you get a chord.
Usually chords are happy called major or minor which are the ones that make you want to kill yourself.
But don't, because there's also harmonies *sings* Minge! *stops singing* which hold up the song, and melodies which
are the catchy bits that everyone everyone remembers,
Forte means loud,
Piano means quiet,
Crescendo means get louder,
And Rocco Siffreddi means you're Italian and you probably work in porn.
So we have a bassline and some rhythm.
Let's add some cornets.
So, with the likelihood of sex to occur, versus difficulty to learn an instrument, the cornet
is somewhere up top, accompanied close behind by the
bagpipes, tuba, ocarina and nose flute,
On the other hand we have string instruments, electric guitar, and
Careless whisper played on the saxophone while wearing nothing but a mankini.
Moving on, orchestras are essentially a big musical gangbang.
The cornet belongs to the brass family.
There's also the woodwind family who are a bit like the awkward hufflepuffs, percussion who's basically
billy no mates, and the strings section, who are the elite elves of musical middle Earth, oh look
at us, leading the orchestra, taking all of the credit.
I hope you all catch something rare and incurable.
Oh I almost forgot, the western scale has twelve notes but other cultures use more or
less sometimes,
Sharps and flats are the black notes on a piano.
If you don’t know what you’re doing you can just mash them a bit and pretend it’s like jazz (?).
This is called a break down.Make it a bit sad. Remind people through the power of music that we all die alone.
Add a very long pause for effect. It’s usually best to do this before some kind of massive climax with drums and stuff.
The longer you leave it the more anticipation you build.
Like this.
I bet you’re really getting bored now aren’t you.
Frankly we can call it quits here, really.
You’ve probably had enough of me, and I know I’ve sure had enough of you.
Anyone doing anything exciting with their weekend?
Going on any dates?
No?
Well all right then.
All right, this is the bit where you can really get creative with the instruments, you've
got your rhythm, you've got your chords, got your melody, go nuts, throw in some twiddles.
Lots of people say they wish they'd learned an instrument when they were young.
Did you know Mozart didn't start playing music until he was 25?
Now that's a total lie, but if you've got time to watch youtube videos, you've got time to start learning an instrument. If you want to.
There's a little starter playlist down below if you're interested for anything you want to learn.
It's never too late.
Unless you're dead.
Then it might be too late.
Finally build to the climax to fortissimo, the loudest you can go, repeating the same melody,
keeping the original chord sequence, throw in a few sharps and flats for fun
And...
*Glass breaks*
Oppa!