Hey guys, welcome back thanks for joining me for another video. So this week's video
I wanted to talk about the silent treatment and the reason why I wanted to make this video was because if you have been in
Emotionally abusive relationship a narcissistically abusive relationship. If you have struggled with codependency being a people pleaser
The silent treatment is going to eat away at you
So in this week's video I wanted to go over
why people choose the silent treatment as a form of emotional abuse and
Really, how can you?
Handle yourself and kind of overcome the silent treatment because we can't control what other people do but we can control ourselves
So, how do we deal with?
Whatever's going on inside when someone does give us the silent treatment
so one of the first reasons why someone will give you the silent treatment is because
Perhaps in your conversation or in your argument, whatever it was you hit a nerve you had a nerve in them
So you hit one of their internal wounds and because they don't know how to process what they're feeling
They don't know how to deal with what they're feeling. They're just gonna completely shut down. So and we we've all been there
So we don't need to necessarily give the silent treatment. Sometimes we get defensive
Sometimes we project sometimes we use manipulation. So there's all these different types of tactics that we can use when someone
Essentially hits that nerve hits that wound with within us
So someone is giving you the silent treatment possibly because you had a nerve in them in themselves
And they don't know how to deal with it
And the only way they know how to deal with it is to completely shut down. The next reason is quite frankly
They just have poor communication skills
so a lot of the times people will give you the silent treatment because number one you
Had a nerve or a nerves been hit within themselves and they don't even know
That that is a nerve that that is an internal wound
And so they'll completely shut down or sometimes they'll just react and even if they do
even if they didn't know what the wound was and where you kind of hurt them maybe or
What you kind of said that maybe stung for them?
Um, they don't know how to process what they're feeling and so they can't communicate with you what they're feeling
so a lot of the times I'm gonna go right into number three is
They'll project their own stuff onto you
so when they shut down they're shutting down because
They oftentimes don't know what they're feeling. They don't know how to communicate what they're feeling in a healthy way and
Because they're starting to like shut down
They might actually start projecting some of their stuff on to you before they actually really give you the silent treatment
So that's when they're gonna flip it on you. It's gonna be all about you
You did this wrong. You did that wrong because they don't want to take accountability for their actions. They just want to blame blame blame
and again
They just want to after they blame they want to shut down because then that makes down the victim
So they just love to kind of flip things on you
And again, the reason why they like to flip things the reason why they're shutting down is because number one
They don't know what they're feeling. They don't know where their wounds are and they're just reacting
So someone else can be responsible for what they're feeling and where their wounds are and that person is gonna be you
so
someone that you've had an argument with or a discussion with and now they're starting to shut down and they're or they'd like to give
You the silent treatment? That's just their drink of choice
They do that because they know it bugs you
So like I said in a lot of my videos we teach people how we want to be treated
and so if someone shuts down and
When they shut down we just hover over them and we just you know
Like really need to talk about everything and why are you giving me the silent treatment?
And you're just begging and begging for someone to give you attention
Then that person knows that they got to you
But if you were self loving to say, okay, you're acting like a child and you're beginning to shut down and that's not acceptable
So it's fine to take a break. If a conversation is becoming overwhelming that's totally fine
because a lot of us are
Highly sensitive we can get very overwhelmed in
conversations and I get this question a lot from people that say well I tend to shut down and when I always ask them is
well
how do you feel towards the person that you shut down with is this person manipulative is this person egotistical is are they
Condescending because I've been in really I know personally I've been in relationships where there were few people in my life
but I always shut down right away and it's because they were manipulative and condescending and they were very witty and they were
Narcissistic and if you're toe-to-toe with a narcissist, you're probably gonna get overwhelmed because they can cut you at your knees
so in those situations if you're getting overwhelmed in an argument or a discussion with someone
It's totally fine to take a step back and say I don't want to talk about this right now
I need a break that's not giving the silent treatment
Because you know that while you need a break that this
Conversation needs to happen at another point in time after you've calmed down and relaxed
So you're not avoiding the topic the silent treatment is really when someone wants to avoid
Like I said not take accountability not take responsibility for their part
in the argument or discussion the next reason why someone might give you the silent treatment is because this is your
Punishment so it kind of goes along with because they know what bugs you inside. This is their way of
Punishing you for holding them accountable for trying to make them
You know accountable for their actions or what they said or what they did and when people don't want to be held accountable
They're going to use a lot of abusive tactics in order to like I said either
Punish you or flip the script on you and really by punishing you that's what makes them feel powerful
That's what makes them the victim so they become the victim they begin to have power in the discussion or argument
they've now flipped it on you and
They've now won and you're sitting there hurt upset begging to talk about this begging for attention
When they're just sitting back and feeling have basically sucked you dry
Essentially and this is why sometimes a narcissist this is their drink of choice is the silent treatment or one of them
is because they feel powerful at the end because they have they have switched the gears and now
They're the victim and you're the person that actually hurt them. So how do we handle this person?
How do we handle a family member or co-worker or a friend or a spouse?
whoever sister brother that likes to give the silent treatment one of the biggest things that you have to really really
Understand is you cannot take what they're doing personally. It has nothing to do with you
so if you're struggling with codependency all of a sudden that you know in our wound is gonna start that bells gonna go off of
Okay, look, I'm not lovable
You know, I'm not even worthy of a conversation like they must not care and this is all done in your subconscious
This isn't something that you might be consciously thinking but you're gonna have that wound of abandonment of look. I'm not worthy enough
They don't want to talk about it. Why don't they want to talk about it?
How could they do this to me? And all of these things? Keep going on and on your mind?
You have to accept that what they're doing the behavior that they're doing or that they're displaying has
Nothing at all to do with you it has to do with them
This is a behavior that they learned in order to cope
With those wounds in order to cope with things that they don't know how to feel they don't know how to express
so in order to deal with these uncomfortable feelings that they're having
Instead of you know, impossibly suppressing them. This is just a coping mechanism
so one of the first things that you can do if you have to deal this type of person is you have to learn
How to process your own hurt feelings. So the reality is is that even though we know this has nothing to do with us
It's hurtful. It's a friend. It's a spouse. It's a family member. It's whatever
It's someone that we care about and for them to just shut down and mean in the middle of an important conversation
That's hurtful because we wouldn't do that to them
but like I said when you start to really repeat that this has nothing to do with you that this is about them it
Kind of helps to take the hurt feelings out of it because it's really not about you
It's about themselves and while of course it still would bother us or hurt us that someone can't maybe own it or take responsibility
Excuse me, take responsibility for their own actions or want to have these conversations
Because this is just what?
healthy normal people do is they
communicate their thoughts and their feelings to each other and even if we don't agree with each other we can agree to disagree and
Or we can accept the way someone feels even if it makes us uncomfortable or even if we disagree with it
We can do that as well
and that's just normal healthy communication between
anyone
Whether it's a family member spouse or friend and the fact that someone else can't give you the courtesy to do that
You have to like like I said throughout this whole video understand that it has nothing to do with you that they don't always
Know how to do those things doesn't excuse their behavior
But it kind of takes the sting out of it
That way you can remove yourself from the situation and not take it
So personally the next thing is you have to communicate with this person how you feel
So if they give the silent treatment and then they just kind of brush it under the rug at some point in time
You're gonna have to bring up that that conversation
you know that they gave you the silent treatment number one that the
Conversation got swept up under the rug and that that that's not how you operate in life and you have to express to them
How it made you feel?
Does that mean that they're gonna come back and say oh my god?
I'm so sorry for giving you the silent treatment for a day or a week or a month or whatever
No, probably not but it's good for you
it's good for you to stand up and tell this person what you think and how
their behavior made you feel the next thing which is the most
Important thing that you can do for yourself is you have to set a boundary
So if this this is about not alone we communicating to this person, you know how their behavior made us feel
but also we're communicating to this person what we expect in a
Relationship whether that's a marriage a romantic relationship a friendship
It doesn't really matter any relationship
This is the bare minimum
for me to have a relationship with you is I don't operate that way and if you choose to shut down because you're getting
Overwhelmed that's perfectly fine, but we have to have as conversation at some point in time
And again, we can't force people to want to do those things
But we can set a boundary and enforce our boundary, which is maybe we don't talk so much
Maybe we don't talk about a specific topic that really got us both kind of riled up and that kind of started this conversation
Or started this, you know
That led us into this place that we're in right now. Maybe we don't talk about those things
So it's whatever kind of works for you. Maybe we just weed if this happens all the time with everything that we're talking about
We're you know, maybe we're in a romantic relationship or we're in a marriage and anytime. We have a conversation about anything
You just shut down
That's not the basis of a healthy relationship or a healthy marriage
so maybe we have to end friendship er and that relationship with someone and
People oftentimes don't like to hear that and they asked me well, what is a consequence for a boundary?
I mean really there's only two things that you can kind of do you can limit your three things
You can limit your contact with someone you can deal with their abusive behavior, or you can leave the relationship
That's really the only options that you have
So, I hope that this has kind of helped you guys understand why people tend to give the silent treatment and really what you can
Do to not only kind of arm yourself and protect yourself
But also how to really deal with someone when they are giving you the silent treatment how to handle this person
So that is it for this week's video. Thank you guys so much for all of your comments all of your love and support
I'm so blessed to do this every single day
I absolutely love what I do
If you are interested in private coaching, I will link that information down below if you are interested in following me on social media
I will list that as well. Don't forget to give this video a thumbs up and I will see you next week