>>[EVIL LAUGHTER] AT LAST IT'S READY!
IGOR, COME QUICKLY! IT'S FINISHED.
>>WHAT, MASTER? >>MY EVIL CREATION, WHICH WILL BRING UNTOLD
MISERY TO MANKIND. I CALL IT JUNIOR HIGH.
>>SHOW ME MASTER. >>I STARTED BY CREATING AN EXTREMELY
AWKWARD STAGE OF LIFE. I CALL IT A "TWEEN."
HE'S NO LONGER CUTE, BUT NOT YET USEFUL; OLD ENOUGH TO LIKE GIRLS, BUT TOO YOUNG TO
KNOW THAT AXE BODY SPRAY WON'T ATTRACT THEM.
AND HE'S OUT GROWN HIS PARENTS, BUT CANNOT YET DRIVE SO
HE HAS TO BE DROPPED OFF AT PARTIES BY MOM; THE CHAUFFER OF SHAME.
>>OH, THAT DOES SOUND DREADFUL. >>AH, BUT THE PARENTS DON'T STOP THERE.
OH NO! THEY ALSO MAKE THE CHILDREN WEAR THIS INVENTION.
I CALL THEM BRACES. THEY'LL MAKE HER LOOK BETTER BY THE TIME
SHE'S GROWN UP AND SECURE.
BY MAKING HER LOOK WORSE AT THE MOST VULNERABLE TIME IN HER LIFE.
[LAUGHTER] BUT DON'T WORRY. THEY'RE EXTREMELY PAINFUL.
>>YES, THAT IS QUITE EVIL. >>THANK YOU.
>>SO WHERE DOES JUNIOR HIGH COME IN? >>AH, THAT'S WHERE THINGS REALLY GET FUN,
IGOR. FOR EXAMPLE, I'M MAKING THIS ONE STUDY
GEOMETRY AND ALGEBRA. AT FIRST HE HATED IT, BUT THEN AFTER LOTS
OF HARD WORK AND PERSEVERANCE HE STILL REALLY HATED IT.
>>WELL WILL HE AT LEAST USE THEM IN HIS FUTURE
CAREER? >>YES, IF HE EVER TEACHES GEOMETRY OR ALGEBRA.
>>YOU MEAN THEY EXIST ONLY FOR THEMSELVES? >>MHM.
THEY'RE THE KARDASHIANS OF THE MATH WORLD. [LAUGHTER] >>YOU ARE SADISTIC MASTER!
>>AH, BUT I DON'T STOP THERE! I'VE EVEN MODIFIED THEIR BIOLOGY.
I'VE TIMED THE GROWTH SPURTS SO THAT BOYS LIKE THIS ARE
SUDDENLY SHORTER THAN ALL THE GIRLS IN THEIR GRADE!
TRUE, HIS VOICE IS GETTING DEEPER, BUT AT HUMILIATING MOMENTS.
IT WILL BETRAY HIM WITH A SQUEAK THAT WOULD EMBARRASS
THE VIENNA BOY'S CHOIR. >>[SQUEAK] >>[LAUGHTER]
OH AND THEN THERE'S THE-- >>BUT-- >>--FACIAL HAIR.
IT'S STARTS OUT FAINT AND WISPY-- >>MHM.
YEAH? >>AND THERE IT REMAINS, LIKE SOMEONE TOOK
SCISSORS TO A TOOTHBRUSH. >>WELL WHAT ABOUT THE GIRLS?
>>I WAS TALKING ABOUT THE GIRLS. >>OH!
SO CRUEL MASTER. >>OH AND HERE'S MY FINEST CREATION; ACNE.
>>OH! WILL IT GO AWAY?
>>THAT'S WHAT HIS PARENTS TELL HIM, BUT REALLY NEVER.
>>OH. >>ONE DAY HE'LL WAKE UP AND START HIS MORNING
WITH BOTH ACNE TREATMENT AND DENTURE INSERTION.
[LAUGHTER] IT'S LIKE IMMORTAL PUBESCENT FACE LEPROSY!
>>OH! YOU ARE WAY TOO HAPPY ABOUT THAT.
>>[LAUGHTER] JUNIOR HIGH, HOW I LOVE IT. ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING CAN MAKE THEM MISERABLE.
THIS ONE JUST REALIZED SHE'LL NEVER GET THAT
LETTER FROM HOGWARTS. >>OH!
>>NOT A GOOD DAY FOR LITTLE HORMONE-Y MYRTLE. [LAUGHTER] >>OH PLEASE!
PLEASE, LET THE MADNESS STOP! >>AH, BUT I HAVEN'T TOLD YOU THE BEST PART
IGOR. I TAKE ALL OF THESE TORTURED SOULS AND QUARANTINE
THEM IN THEIR OWN SCHOOL! LIKE A TANK FULL OF AWKWARD BETA FISH.
[LAUGHTER] >>OH! >>I'VE MADE IT SO CLIQUEY THAT SECRETLY,
NO ONE IS POPULAR! ISN'T IT BEAUTIFUL?
>>NO! YOUR IDEAS WILL NEVER CATCH ON!
>>WON'T THEY IGOR? I'VE ALREADY PRODUCED MY OWN HORROR FILM.
I CALL IT, "JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL." FULL OF TERRORS BEYOND DESCRIPTION;
DETENTIONS, BAGGY GYM SHORTS, THREE-RINGED BINDERS WHOSE RINGS WON'T LINE UP!
>>[CRIES] >>[LAUGHTER]
>>ENOUGH! OKAY!
RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!
>>NO! NO, IGOR.
YOU FOOL! >>GO!
>>NO! >>YOU TWEENS!
>>YOU'VE UNLEASHED A FAR GREATER EVIL ON THE WORLD.
>>WHAT? >>THAT WAS ONE DIRECTION.