>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, WELCOME BACK!
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY NEXT GUEST TONIGHT IS A COMEDIAN AND
ACTRESS YOU KNOW FROM "THE WEST WING," "DR. KEN" AND HER LATEST
SHOW, "AVENUE 5."
>> HOW MANY GUITARS DID YOU BRING ON THIS TRIP?
>> NINE.
>> GO GRAB THEM ALL.
>> WHAT ARE THESE?
>> THEY'RE THE STAND FOR MY WEIGHTS.
I DON'T NEED THEM.
>> WHERE ARE YOUR WEIGHTS?
>> I NEED THOSE.
>> WE NEED TO JETTISON EXCESS WEIGHT.
>> I THREW OUT CAPTAINRIAN'S ROWING MACHINE.
HE DOESN'T NEED IT.
HE'S IN GREAT SHAPE, BUT...
>> IS THAT TRUE, ABOUT BRIAN'S ROWING MACHINE, YOU WENT IN HIS
ROOM?
>> WHAT ARE YOU IMPLYING?
>> NOTHING.
SOME PEOPLE ARE SAYING YOU HAD A THING WITH HIM.
BUT THEN SOME OTHER PEOPLE ARE SAYING, "NO, THEY DIDN'T HAVE A
THING."
BUT THE FIRST PEOPLE ARE SAYING, "YEAH, THEY "D."
I'M JUST SAYING, THERE'S A LOT OF CONFUSION AROUND THIS ISSUE.
>> Stephen: PLEASE WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW," SUZY NAKAMURA.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
>> Stephen: HELLO!
♪ ♪ ♪
( CHEERS )
>> Stephen: NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
>> NICE TO SEE YOU, TOO.
>> Stephen: TO PEOPLE OUT THERE JUST TUNING IN, THEY DON'T
KNOW-- >> WHO I AM.
>> Stephen: THEY MAY KNOW ME, BUT THEY DON'T KNOW THAT YOU AND
I KNOW EACH OTHER FROM WAY BACK IN THE DAY.
WE WERE AT SECOND CITY TOGETHER BACK IN THE...
>> FIVE, SIX YEARS AGO.
>> Stephen: A DIFFERENT MILLENNIUM.
AND YOU, YOU BROUGHT ALONG A PHOTO THAT JUST BLOWS ME AWAY.
THIS IS FROM THE OLD DAYS.
THIS IS-- THERE ARE-- THERE IS YOU RIGHT THERE.
THIS IS PAUL DINELO, ONE OF MY PRODUCERS.
THAT IS MY THEN-GIRLFRIEND, EVIE, NOW MY WIFE.
THAT SKINNY GUY IS STEPHEN COLBERT.
AND WE'RE SHUCKING CORN AT A BEACH HOUSE ON LAKE MICHIGAN.
>> TOTALLY NORMAL.
>> Stephen: YEAH.
DO YOU HAVE ANY OTHER PHOTOS FROM WHEN I WAS THIN?
BECAUSE I WOULD LOVE TO GET SOME OF THOSE.
>> WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
STEPHEN, YOU LOOK EXACTLY THE SAME.
>> Stephen: SO DO YOU, SUZY NAKAMURA.
>> TAKE THAT BACK.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE MY FAVORITE-- YOU'RE MY FAVORITE
GUEST OF ALL TIME.
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS THAT.
( APPLAUSE )
>> NOW I'M TRYING.
>> Stephen: EVEN THOUGH YOU AND I HAVE KNOWN EACH OTHER FOR
A LONG TIME, I HAVE BEEN TOLD YOU HAVE A BONE TO PICK WITH ME
THEY KNEW NOTHING ABOUT.
WHAT IS THIS BONE, AND PICK AWAY.
WHAT DID I DO?
>> I WAS UNDERSTANDING AMY SEDARIS, AND YOU AND I WERE IN A
SCENE, AND WE WERE FACING THE AUDIENCE, AND PAUL DID SOMETHING
BEHIND ME.
>> Stephen: WAS IT A WRITTEN SCENE OR AN IMPROV SCENE?
>> NO, I THINK IT WAS WRITTEN.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
>> AND PAUL EITHER-- I MEANT TO ASK HIM THIS-- HE EITHER ENTERED
IN A BEAR CONSTITUTE OR WITH A BEAR HEAD ON, AND YOU STARTED
LAUGHING.
AND I CAN'T LAUGH, AND I THINK JOYCE-- OUR PRESSURE WAS IN THE
AUDIENCE -- >> Stephen: YOU WERE UNDER
PRESSURE BECAUSE IF YOU DID A GOOD JOB THEY MIGHT KEEP NUT
COMPANY.
>> EXACTLY.
YOU STARTED LAUGHING, AND I DIDN'T BREAK.
AND YOU COULD NOT RECOVER.
( LAUGHTER )
AND EXITED.
IT'S JUST YOU AND ME ON STAGE.
YOU LEFT ME.
( LAUGHTER )
I WAS BY MYSELF.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) DON'T!
NO!
YOU COME BACK HERE AND FINISH THE SCENE!
>> Stephen: I HAVE NO MEMORY OF THIS.
WHAT, DIEVER COME BACK?
I LEFT YOU JUST HANGING OUT IN FRONT OF 350 DRUNK CHICAGOANS.
>> AND I STILL EVEN -- >> Stephen: DAVE BREZOWSKI?
>> BY THE WAY, HE TOOK THAT PICTURE.
HE WAS WAITING IN THE WINGS AND SAID HE GRABBED YOU BY THE
SHOULDERS AND SAID, "STOP IT," SPUN YOU AROUND AND SENT YOU
BACK OUT.
>> Stephen: HE'S A MUCH NICER PERSON THAN I AM.
I APOLOGIZE.
PLEASE ACCEPT MY APOLOGY AFTER ALL THESE YEARS.
>> I WILL WAIT FOR PAUL'S APOLOGY, WHICH WILL NEVER COME.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO GET IT.
YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO GET IT.
YOU HAVE-- YOU HAVE BEEN IN SO MANY THINGS.
BUT THAT MEANS SO MANY AUDITIONS.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: WHAT IS-- WHAT IS-- I ALWAYS LOVE TO KNOW,
BECAUSE I'VE HAD TERRIBLE ONES MYSELF.
WHAT IS THE WORST EXPERIENCE HUATTEMPTING TO GET A PART?
BECAUSE THEY CAN BE HUMILIATING.
>> THEY CAN BE HUMILIATING.
THERE WAS ONE, WHERE, LIKE, DURING PILOT SEASON, YOU HAVE TO
BASICALLY-- SOMETIMES GO TO FOUR IN A DAY.
>> Stephen: ONE RIGHT AFTER ANOTHER.
>> AND YOU JUST DON'T HAVE TIME TO PREPARE BECAUSE YOU GET THE
MATERIAL THE NIGHT BEFORE.
SO I WENT TO EYE SHOWED UP TO AN AUDITION TO AUDITION FOR A
DIRECTOR I KNEW AND I WAS NOT PREPARED.
BUT, YOU KNOW, LIKE YOU HAVE TO JUST DO IT AND WASTE THEIR TIME.
AND I REMEMBER SORT OF STRUGGLING THROUGH IT.
YOU BROUGHT ME IN TO JUST READ OUT LOUD TO YOU.
AND I LEFT.
AND HE CAME OUT INTO THE WAITING ROOM, CHASED-- NOT CHASED ME,
BUT FOLLOWED ME INTO THE WAITING ROOM AND SAID,, HEY, SUZ, DO YOU
WANT TO WORK ON THAT AND COME BACK IN AGAIN."
>> Stephen: THAT WAS VERY NICE OF HIM.
>> IT WAS VERY NICE.
BUT IT WAS IN FRONT OF ALL THE OTHER WOMEN WAIT AGO.
>> Stephen: SO THEY SAW.
>> AND I WAS LIKE, "YEAH, YPLEASE, I CAN?"
I SAT AND WORKED ON IT, AND WHEN I WAS READY HE SAID, "ARE YOU
READY?" AND I SAID, "YEAH."
I GO BACK IN AND THE WOMEN IN THE ROOM SAID, "GO, JESUS."
BECAUSE HE SAID, "HEY, SUZ, DO YOU WANT TO GO BACK IN AND WORK
ON THIS AGAIN."
AND THEY WERE SO SUPPORTIVE.
>> Stephen: AND YOU CAN'T TELL THEM BECAUSE THEY WERE SO NICE
TO YOU.
>> I'M NOT GOING TO CORRECT THEM.
"GO, JESUS."
>> Stephen: DID YOU GET THE PART?
>> I DID NOT.
>> Stephen: SUZY, LOVELY TO SEE YOU.
PLEASE ACCEPT MY APOLOGY FOR LEAVING OW STAGE.
>> I FORGIVE YOU.
>> Stephen: I HAVE NO MEMORY OF IT, BUT I BELIEVE YOU.
"AVENUE 5" AIRS SUNDAYS ON HBO.
SUZY NAKAMURA, EVERYBODY!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.