Transcriber: Leonardo Silva Reviewer: Claudia Sander
Hi! Hello, hello.
And welcome to the future of religion,
the biggest mistake in the history of mankind.
But before we start,
I did research yesterday -
The TEDx guys from Koenigsallee have invited me,
and I did research yesterday
to find an answer to one of the most important questions
in the history of mankind:
which is better, "Altbier" or "Kölsch"?
And it is Altbier, definitely!
It is much better than Kölsch.
Okay.
(Applause) (Cheering)
The title of my second book, by the way, is "Isch hab Geisterblitz".
"Wallah, Wallah! Isch hab geisterblitz!" You have to say it like this.
Okay, my name's Philipp Möller,
but since there is no "ö" in the English language,
just call me Phil.
As you may have already noticed, I am an atheist,
and there are three main reasons for that.
The first reason is, as everybody in this world,
I was born without the belief in a god.
And since no one taught me to [believe], I am still a natural-born atheist.
It's really that simple.
The second reason is I am a teacher's son,
and as a teacher's son, I am a natural-born smart-ass.
I love to correct people, really,
and I love asking uncomfortable questions,
like, "What the heck are you talking about?"
which is a very common question to priests and religion teachers.
And the third reason is I am a Berliner,
and we, Berliners, traditionally don't give a fuck about clerical bullshit.
So fuck you, clerics!
We know you made god up to control people, but you're not going to control us,
all the other 82% of young Europeans who say, "I don't need a god."
Okay, during my studies, at one time,
I had to finally decide what to do with my life and how to earn money,
and I remember clearly that day where I thought,
"Well, maybe I could be a professional atheist."
And this is what I am now.
Here I am, right,
working for the Giordano Bruno Foundation,
which is a think tank for enlightenment and humanism.
I write books, as you know.
And when I was thinking about the question of the future of religion,
I was remembering a quote from Terry Pratchett -
you know him.
He said, "If you don't know where you come from,
then you don't know where you are,
and if you don't know where you are, you don't know where you're going,
and if you don't know where you're going, you're probably going wrong."
And since going wrong in terms of religion
means to probably blow up the whole planet or slaughter half of mankind,
I think we should take a close look at the history of religion,
then the present of religion
and then the future of religion.
I am not a history teacher.
So, let me get straight to the point:
the history of religion
is a history of stupidity, cruelty and of terror.
I mean, it sounds hard, really,
but you may say now, "Hey, Phil, come on,
there are many religions, and they are very different."
You're absolutely right, there are many religions,
but they all have one thing in common:
they are all terribly wrong!
And by "all," I mean every one of them,
and by "terribly," I mean that it's almost tragic
how religion seems to prevent people from thinking,
and this is very, very bad.
But you know, I admit there are different forms of religion.
For example, the ancient Viking gods are a bunch of cruel, invisible freaks.
The ancient Egypt gods are a bunch of mummified invisible freaks,
with crazy cats and dogs and stuff.
The ancient Greek freaks are drunk and horny as hell.
So I actually quite like them.
(Laughter)
Hinduism is a bunch of colorful invisible freaks
with many arms to hold you
in exactly that social position you were born in.
It's called the caste system, and it's based on Hinduism.
Judaism is a set of silly rules that even 90% of Jews don't follow,
but at least they have a very good humor, so I want to tell you a rabbi joke.
There's a person coming to a rabbi saying,
"Rabbi, please, I have this urgent wish to live forever.
What can I do?"
The rabbi says,
"Get married."
"Really? I'll live forever then?"
"No, but the wish will disappear."
(Laughter)
It's a pretty good joke.
(Applause)
I like it.
(Applause)
The clock is ticking, guys.
So, speaking of love,
Christianity, the religion of love -
uh-hu -
sounds awesome, guys, really,
if we had just known that you meant the love for little kids.
And Islam, finally - the religion of peace?
Are you kidding me?
Only Buddhism is a very sophisticated way of life
for young and beautiful yoga girls.
So I have nothing to complain about that.
(Laughter)
Except that it's an esoteric postcard philosophy
which justifies the genocide of non-Buddhists.
Okay -
But stupidity is no excuse for what happened about 2,000 years ago,
because when the people sat together to create one super mighty god,
they actually weren't cruel or silly at all.
You know, the architects of monotheism,
when they wrote those weird lyrics of the Old Testament,
they were sitting together to create one god,
one god to rule them all.
And the Old Testament, by the way,
is still considered by politicians and by priests
and other criminals
as the "book of books."
I don't know, but the people back then were not silly at all
because they could look back on 1,500 years of Greek high culture,
and the Greeks had it all: they had science, philosophy and arts,
the three pillars for a happy life without religion.
The Greeks had democracy -
okay, that was kind of weird, to be honest.
The Greeks had women's rights -
okay, they were kind of different from today,
but they were probably better than the women's rights today
in Saudi Arabia
or in an African village
or in a Bavarian village.
(Laughter)
They had public schools, they had swimming halts,
they had healthcare, clean water -
They had sex, drugs and probably some kind of rock 'n' roll.
And then, in the young and aspiring Rome Empire,
some freaks gathered together to create one super mighty god,
and in a short period of time,
they had turned the flourishing garden of Europe into a dirty shithole
called the Middle Ages,
which lasted for 1,000 years.
And by the way,
I haven't talked about the "Kreuzzüge," about the "Hexenverbrennungen,"
the invention of hell - what a sick and pervert idea.
I haven't talked about Luther
and his unrivaled and raging anti-Semitism.
I haven't talked about Hitler and his birthday party for Luther
called the "Reichskristallnacht."
I haven't talked about the "Reichskonkordat,"
or the sexual abuse.
Because all that is the history of religion,
and by now, I shall proceed to the present of religion,
which is completely different from cruelty and stupidity and terror,
and completely different in terms of exactly the same, actually.
I know there are millions and millions of religious people
living in peace and harmony ...
with their brothers and sisters in faith.
And I'm going to read a list of names to you,
and let's find out what they all have in common, okay?
That is: Vladimir Putin,
Recep Tayyip Erdoğan,
Donald Trump,
Viktor Orban,
Jarosław Kaczyński,
Alexander Gauland,
Marine Le Pen,
Horst Seehofer -
This international gang of nationalists are all religious!
I'm not saying that every religious politician is right-winged,
but every right-winged politician seems to be religious.
They are using religion to create hate against other religious people.
And let's take the Middle East conflict, okay?
When I was born 28 years ago ...
(Laughter)
there was the Middle East conflict,
and in these 28 years, it hasn't become any better.
No, it has become worse!
And I am pretty sure that as long as people consider themselves
to be Jew first or Muslim first or Christian first -
not human first -
there is no chance for peace in this world.
Religion -
(Applause)
Religion, as it sadly appears, is an eternal source of hate and war.
And do you think it's exagerated? No!
Take a look at Western Europe in the 21st century.
We have the least relevance of religion,
and at the same time, the highest rate of peace,
of personal freedom and of prosperity
in the whole history of mankind.
You want to bet?
Get on a plane, fly to any Islamic state,
and you will see that you will land right in the Middle Ages,
only with Wi-Fi and ABC weapons.
And even in the heart of Europe,
there is one country
where the separation between the state and religion is not finished at all,
and that, of course, is the "Church Republic of Germany,"
where the Church takes us withdrawn by the government,
where employment laws do not apply to religious social institutions,
and they are also paid 98% by the state.
So, thank you, God, for 2%
and that the so-called "inventors of charity"
are allowed to fire Jews, Muslims, atheists and homosexuals for no reason.
We have laws for circumcision,
we have laws for euthanasia -
We have actually so many laws that are based on religious things
that you could say that from the craddle to the grave,
we are escorted by religion.
And that's in a country where 80%, for example,
in terms of euthanasia,
say, "Hey, there's only one person that decides about my death,
and that is myself -
no politician, no doctor and no priest."
And still, the German Court has ratified a law
that criminalizes euthanasia.
But there's another enemy right now of the open and modern society,
and also, if that sentence could make me false friends,
I'll still say it:
some of the cultural and religious elements of Islam
are just not compatible with a modern society.
It is like that!
I'm very sorry for that, but it is just like that.
Religious self-determination, women's rights,
secular legal system - just to name three things -
those are not compatible with Islam.
It's just like that.
And the rise of Islam, again, empowers the original haters of freedom,
which are the Christian right wing.
So, living in Europe today,
you could think that you are surrounded by conservative assholes
and religious maniacs.
But it's not like that; they are just louder -
but we are more.
By the time of World War II,
99% of the people in Germany were Christians,
and today, 26.5% are Prostestants and 28.5% are Catholic,
while a whopping 36% are not in organized faith at all.
Twelve percent are active believers in Germany,
and 82% say, "I am happy without God," in Europe.
So, it's not true that you are surrounded; we, actually, surround them.
We just have to get better politics.
And this is where we start to talk about the future of religion.
Actually, this presentation could have been
like sex with a Catholic priest:
quick and dirty.
I would have shown you a white screen
and say, "This is how I imagine the future of religion."
It just doesn't exist anymore.
I mean, it sounds hard, but imagine:
above us, only sky; no Heaven.
Imagine that there would be no terror and no silly prayers
against the terror that was evoked by prayers in the first place.
No more Middle East conflict,
no more amateur choirs with guitars out of tune -
No more smug-faced priests nourished by society,
contributing nothing else but incomprehensible nonsense
and ethical ideas from the past.
Doesn't that sound like paradise to you?
Well, to me, it does, honestly.
And I find it quite ironic
that the absense of the ideology that they told us would bring us paradise
is bringing us paradise.
I was reading a story about a guy.
He was brought up as a Jehovah's Witness, you know:
no birthday, no blood transfusion,
and they really believe that one day,
Jesus will come and save them and kill everyone else.
And do you know how he got healed from this form of mental illness?
By information.
He read a Wikipedia article about his own religion!
(Laughter)
And that's so simple!
And later, he wrote a book and he found out
that the more Internet we have, the less religious we get.
Information seems to be the best remedy againt religion.
And so, I know it sounds super religious,
but that guy called the moment when he read that article his "awakening."
And this is actually what I wish for religious people: to wake up.
I'm not saying you're foolish, but you obviously have been fooled
by a system which doesn't serve you, but only the leaders.
My idea would be that you should read something about religion,
and maybe about a very different religion from yours,
and one day, there will be this moment when you think,
"Wow, this is a super weird religion,"
and this is exactly how I feel about your religion.
(Laughter)
That's empathy.
To be honest, I hope for religion to slowly disappear
and be replaced by a rational system
that enables 8 billion people to live together in peace in this world.
I am really hoping for that.
But who am I?
Who are we, the professional atheists, the secular humanists,
to have a naive wish like this?
But before we continue making the same religious mistakes
we have done in 2,000 and more years,
I have an idea -
or maybe I should call it "an urgent suggestion":
why don't we make religion just a private matter?
This is my suggestion.
Why don't we see religion even as a thing of intimacy?
Imagine religion, as an Internet meme says,
like a penis:
it's okay to have one, it's okay not to have one,
it's even okay to be proud of it,
but please don't swing it around in public,
don't write any laws with it,
and leave my kids alone, [away from] it!
It's very simple!
(Applause)
I think we can agree on that, can't we? Because this way, everybody wins!
The religious people can keep their god or gods or holy camoly,
and we just don't have to take care about it, really.
It's that simple.
I mean, we don't want to hear your church bells ring on Sunday morning
or your imams sing five times a day!
Get a bloody Bluetooth speaker!
It's that simple!
(Laughter)
I know,
religion as private matter is the opposite of what religious leaders want
because that way, they would lose their job,
but this is exactly what I aim for.
They're still trying to tell us
that religion is the remedy for all of humanity's problems.
Guys, it hasn't worked in 2,000 years,
and it won't work in the future.
I'm pretty sure.
Thank you.
(Applause)
Or as my friend Michael Schmidt-Salomon says,
whose birthday is today - so happy birthday, Michael -
"We should kill bad ideas before bad ideas kill people."
And to the politicians,
you have probably bet on the lame horse for much too long,
because being religious is no longer a guarantee for good votes.
I really think we live in wild times.
There is climate change -
There is populism, nationalism -
There is protectionism, there is digitalization -
Do you think prayers will help?
No, I think if we want a future of humanity,
the future of religion must be a private matter.
Thank you.
(Applause) (Cheering)
Thanks.
Thank you.