- Maybe they're behind this door waiting to kill me.
Nope, time to poop.
(energetic music)
- We're playing Player Unknown's Battlegrounds on Xbox One.
- PUBG, do people really call it that?
I'm gonna come over and play PUBG.
- I really, really, really like PUBG.
I played it the night it came out
and came in second because I ran out of bullets
and charged a guy.
I am hoping that I'll be able to avenge myself today.
- I don't know anything about this game.
I've been playing MarioKart a lot lately,
so if it's anything like that, I'm gonna crush it.
- I think I'm gonna get top three first time going in.
- Match starts in 28 seconds, I'm jumping?
All right everybody, this is how you crawl.
Oh, this guy's crawling with me, I got a buddy!
Look at this, you guys see this?
Look at my buddy, we're having a good time.
Come on, get on top of me, yeah, yeah,
crawl on me, yeah, man, crawl.
I'm bonding!
- I am definitely not dropping anywhere.
I am somebody that tries to drop in the most
obscure area, I do not like confrontation
until, about, like, 20 minutes into the game.
- I didn't even jump out over a town, really.
Oh I did, oh, goodness, I'm gonna die immediately.
No I'm not, I'm gonna get top three.
- How do I get to the ground?
Ooh, I wanna go to that farm.
Aw, there's people there, though,
and they're probably already ready to kill me.
How many people are left?
97, all right, I'm not the loser yet!
That's great, I didn't lose!
Guys, this is huge, I barely started playing this game
and there's 96 people left, there's four people dead.
There is no span.
Whee!
Din to win.
- This is like some Hunger Games shit,
I feel like I'm about to get into, like, the Cornucopia.
Run, man, run.
Oh, somebody's in here. Oh, shit.
Why am I whispering?
- Wow, these look so realistic.
Those 2017 graphics, who would've thought
that we would come this far.
Got myself an energy drink.
That's not gonna kill anybody, is it.
- Is there a gun here? There's something.
(gunfire) Ooh, yeah!
Pick up the gun. How do I shoot the guns?
Let's go find some trouble,
let's get in some trouble, y'all!
- I also try to always close the door behind me
so that if somebody comes in here,
they don't think that people have already been here.
But that works in this game, it's just like,
do some weird shit, and people will be confused.
And then you can kill them while they're thinking about it.
- Oh God, oh, good lord!
He doesn't have any, (laughs) he doesn't have any,
wait, what's going on?
I'm hitting this dude.
What is, what?
What, okay so...
Are we friends now? Oh he's just gonna kill me.
I'm done, I'm comin'.
I got one!
Okay, so how do I loot stuff?
- Was I just in here?
This is the other issue with closing
all the doors behind you
and all the buildings looking exactly the same
is you forget where you've been.
I think I've been in that house, like, three or four times.
I think this is a different house.
No, I think I was over there,
but I definitely didn't go in three houses.
I don't think I've been here yet.
I think I was just in here.
Do all of these houses look the same?
- I've always wanted a house on a hill.
Next to that old bridge, oh my God.
What do you think you need to get
a down payment on this thing?
Oh there's a guy.
Shoot wildly!
(mimics gunfire)
Uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, gotta reload.
We're both idiots, we're both terrible at the game.
Oh, well, a network lag detected and now I'm out of bullets.
Let's look at what we got.
Well, that's it, I don't have very much stuff.
That was a pretty short segment.
The circle's right here which means
that I'm gonna have to be mobile in a second.
Oh, sweet, the red circle's on me, too, so,
that means that there's gonna be bombs dropped on me.
That's good.
I could go out there, but, like,
I also could just stay here.
- This is the scariest game of all time.
I truly believe that this goes on in the world.
It's just like some weird, secret island
where they just send people and they're just like,
hey, go kill each other for our enjoyment.
And then we just sit here, drinking Starbucks,
not knowing about the crazy, wild things
that happen in the world.
My guess is that it's somewhere in Fiji.
- Honey, oh my God, honey! Honey?
Oh my God, where's my wife?
My house did not look like this
when I left it six weeks ago.
I've got two minutes to get to somewhere
and I don't even know where.
You know, I'm gonna start running.
I hear an airplane, everyone already got off the airplane.
Yeah, I hope I'm running the right way.
(gunfire)
- Someone is shooting at someone all of the time,
and I'm super scared, and I don't know what to do.
I haven't seen anyone, but I know people
are interacting with one another.
And I know at some point, it's gonna be my turn,
and I'm very afraid.
I have to protect my house.
Is this what the 50's felt like?
- How about this bus?
Can I pilot the bus?
The bus looks like it's been bombed.
But this ice cream truck.
I know it's been bombed, but maybe it's still running.
Nope, cannot get in the truck.
This town sucks! Hello?
- We're just hanging out.
Like, here, I'm, like, hosting a talk show in my bathroom.
It's me, what do you think my name is?
I look like a Randy.
Hello, everyone, my name is Randy
and today we are sitting in the bathtub, waiting.
- Guys, what are we doing?
Maybe we should band together.
There's only 100 of us, ooh, there's a bomb that way,
let's run toward the fire!
What is going on over there?
I gotta get to this party!
- Oh, God, I think I'm about to just
get bombed soon.
Am I safe inside of a house?
All right, I gotta run.
(explosion)
- I think I hear somebody.
There's definitely a motherfucker in this building.
I think he walked away, maybe they're as confused as I am
and they just keep, like, reentering the same building
but I definitely hear footsteps.
- Maybe I'll just outlive this game,
maybe, like, it'll just be me and this one other guy
and then he'll just be like, I can't find Keith,
you know what, fuck the world!
And then he kills himself and then I am the victor.
Everybody that I see play on, like, Twitch and whatnot,
they're always, like, in the trees.
They're always chilling in the trees
or, like, in some weird bush.
And they found, like, a gilly suit and they have a silencer.
They're just way more equipped
than everybody I've ever seen.
Here, yup, see, there they go, there they go,
they're shooting, they're shooting at something.
And I'm hoping it's not me, but I believe it's me.
That's what this game does to you,
now I'm gonna be on edge all day.
Like in my regular life.
- Hello? Hey, my boots.
Glad I left it at this guy's house in their bathroom.
I'm gonna make a call.
(gunshot)
Phone didn't even blow up?
What is this game worth?
(gunshots)
Uh oh.
Uh oh, uh oh!
Start shooting wildly, freak out, Keith, freak out!
Did I kill him? There's no way.
(gunshots)
Not enough guns, Keith, not enough guns, run!
(Keith laughs)
That was fun, you know, it sucked
that the only time I saw a person, he shot me.
(gunshots)
- (laughs) He's just, like, running.
(gunshots)
Wait, watch him try and kill me.
I have no more ammo with this gun.
I'll just wait for him to exhaust all his ammo.
Somebody's just gonna come over here, and like,
play pick-up.
Fucking kidding me?
I hate this game so much.
- This game isn't fun.
I'm gonna be straight up, this game isn't fun,
it's mad stressful, I shouldn't have to go through this
in a game for entertainment.
I don't want to do this anymore, I wanna quit.
Zach, turn the game off, I'm done, man.
I can't do this anymore.
(gunshots) (screams)
(slow motion scream)
He was ready, he came in like a SWAT team member.
I'm so embarrassed, I got to 26.
- I don't think I'll ever play it again.
It was mostly boring, there's not much to do,
the map's too big, no one was there,
I only found a shotgun or a rifle and
five bullets at a time is never gonna win you nothin'.
- That's what this game is, it's a hot stove.
And now I know that it hurts me,
and I don't want to play it anymore.
I'm done.
- And that is how you play PUBG,
ladies and gentlemen.
(light funky music)