N.A.S.A. has a new breakthrough in outer-space waste technology.
Houston, I gotta go poopy.
**ambience** 'Space poopy.'
# WheezyWaiter! #
##
Beard Lovers, today is February Sevent-EE-EE-NTH, Twenty-Sevent-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-een.
It also happens to be Friday.
And, you know what we do on Fridays(!)
>>#[harmonically] "Let's talk about
#"Five Reasons
#"To Be Alive Toda-a-a-a-a-ay."#
>>If you'd like to make a Frtbat theme song,
make a video, upload it to YouTube,
and call it 'Five Reasons To Be Alive Today Theme Song'.
And I will use my unique internet-scouring skills to find it.
First reason to be alive today -
At Ease, Future Astronauts: NASA Solving 'Space Poop' Problem.
It's a big problem. It's way up there. It's like their 'number two' problem.
So if you're hanging out there in your bathroom-having, pressurized spaceship,
pooping is generally not going to be a problem,
unless you had too much *space cheese*, or something.
But, if you're in your spacesuit for DAYS ON END,
you're gonna have to deal with your 'end'.
-- which is why N.A.S.A. launched their Space Poop Challenge ...
... and their winner has been announced.
Thatcher Cardin.
His design involves an airlock in the crotch-al region,
where you can pass through things like ...
... inflatable bedpans and catheters,
but, be careful, don't get too presidential down there(!)
This is a reason to be alive today because, it is comforting to know that my poop-tuation will be ...
... taken care of, **ambience in background** EVERYWHERE IN THE POO-NIVERSE(!)
(which is what we can call it now.)
'Space Poopy'.
Second reason to be alive today comes from...
... comment-er, MegaNightmare4: "Cats are actually superheroes."
-- apparently.
It's interesting that I might actually now have a reason to like cats now -
Because, you see, Beard Lovers,
I'm a dog person.
**dog bow**!
No, not like that.
'Dogs are better than cats.' -
Subjective fact.
But now cats have gone up a notch,
thanks to Ivy, who is a hero.
She heard sounds of distress, and went crazy, and got the attention of her owner,
who went over to her neighbour's barn where the sounds were coming from,
and found her neighbour's arm stuck in the garage door ...
... he was trying to fix.
They called 911, and he was saved.
He had some nerve damage, but he MAY have lost his arm if they didn't get to him in time.
So yeah, that cat's a hero, which shows that not all cats are just demon-spawn,
waiting around for their owners to die so they can eat them.
BUT, cats, you're still on notice(!)
-- which isn't bad. You're four notches above 'eagles', which I *hate*.
**eagle sqawk** **punching noise** Gwagh!
Ah. That was a real coincidence. I was talking about eagles and an eagle flew by. Wow.
THIRD reason to be alive today comes from ...
... comment-er, Kiefer Farrer. The band, The Beards.
Ah yes, the band, The Beards.
I've known about them for many years.
But now is a good time to bring them up.
They have a song called ...
... If Your Dad Doesn't Have A Beard, You've Got Two Moms;
I'm gonna link to that in the comments.
They're a band (uh) that just sings all about beards!
They're from Australia; They're good.
Just check 'em out. Your life will be better for it.
And THIS has inspired me to write a song about beards,
later.
FOURTH reason to be alive today,
Planet Earth II is coming out!
#**cinematic music generated by clip**# Oh my God, and it airs on BBC America tomorrow(!)
#**cinematic music generated by clip**# Not a sponsor.
And if you don't have BBC America, you *will be able* to watch it at *some point* on *something*.
And you definitely should, because it is the *best nature documentary in the entire poo-niverse*.
**ambience in background** 'Space Poopy'
#**cinematic music generated by clip**# What a time to be alive.
#**cinematic music generated by clip**(--)# We are able to see exquisite footage from all corners of the Earth.
In the old days it was like:
**suburban ambience** [distant] [monotone] "Wow!
"A tree!"
"I'm gonna pee on it."
And now, in the comfort in your own home!
##**sample of cinematic music from clip**## [distant with room reverb] "Wow. Look at ...
##**sample of cinematic music from clip**## "Everything!"
"I'm gonna pee on it."
F.Y.I., *don't* pee on your TV.
Unless you're conducting an 'adult ...live-stream'!
(**crowd laugh sound effect**) **half-fake laugh**-- Sorry to get so presidential.
FIFTH reason to be alive today:
Check out this bodybuilder.
You know every time you see a body and you're like,
"Oh man, I wish I could go back in time and devote more of it to exercise,
"and I could be more like this".
No, well, this is an *80 year old woman*!
And she didn't get *started* bodybuilding until she was *50*(!)
Her name is Ernestine Sheppard, and she holds the Guinness World Record for Oldest Female Bodybuilder.
She just proves that if you're just sitting around being like, "(Oh) I'm too old, I can't do that",
you have time!
Get up!
Do your thing!
You don't have to be a bodybuilder,
(just) be a-- **stuttering and mumbling** ...
... be a healthy builder(!)
Her existence is a reason to be alive today because, she gives us hope of our own self-improvement.
You c'n-- We can do this. It's not too late.
But it is too late for me, though.
I'm like super busy. I got a lot of chores.
>>Clones do your chores. I'm doing chores right now.
>>Yeah, but I gotta-- emails to deal with.
>>[in a voice] Ah, hello(!) Remember me? Corporate Clone! I take care of the emails(!)
>>Yeah but I-- ... I can't-- I got to go to the bathroom.
<<Well, you need me to open the crotch airlock? I can give you another bedpan(!)
>>(You didn't need to tell 'em about that.)
Fine!
I'll go running. Fine!
**wind hitting microphone** There. I'm running in a video again.
I know a lot of you comment-ers wanted me to run in a video like I used to.
It helps motivate *you* to run.
So now you gotta go out there and run.
(But,) Watch out for traffic(!)
And remember to bring your airlock crotch pants. **breathes in**
You have been watching:
#"Five reasons
#"to be alive today."
#**end banjo tune**#
You can click over there to watch yesterday's video;
over there to support me on Patreon,
where you can get bloopers and outtakes and a monthly live hangout;
AND, thank you for watching. **piano high note**
...##
#(.)#