In the fiercely competitive world of...
... World Domination
One name truly does, Rule them All.
Sauron.
But even Demigod Necromancer Flaming Eyeballs
can find running evil empires
A little tricksy.
All I ever wanted was an army worthy of Mordor.
I've tried almost everything.
I've opened franchises in Rohan
I even recruited Oliphants AND Pirates.
Did it work? Did it fuck.
In a truly unprecedented step
the Dark Lord of Mordor will shine a light
on the inner workings of his evil empire
by going...
Undercover.
Listen you MAGGOTS!
This is 'Ron'.
He's a transfer joining us from...
Uhh... EAST Mordor.
Where has the Dark Lord gone?
Pay no attention to that!
And... remember...
These East Mordor Orcs may look a bit different
But treat 'em just the same.
Life's good I suppose, I mean...
You can trust me, I am...
...Ron.
A primitive Orc like you.
Well for starters there's the food.
They'll sometimes feed us the same maggoty bread for 3 stinkin' days!
Or more, sometimes more!
Yeees, very interesting.
Remind me, what is 'food'?
Exactly!
Not to mention I've got 3 wives and 27 orclings
needing clothing and feeding...
Ooh, hold on!
Oh that's me!
Make that 33 orclings!
Look at cute wittle Snarglob!
First up, I thought Orcs grew in the ground.
Second, I never created any 'females'.
So how are they breeding exactly?
And how cute was Snarglob, with his 8 wee little arms!
I'm the Mouth of Sauron
I do all the talking for the Dark Lord.
I'm fluent in Quenya, Sindarin, Westron, Black Spee-
*disgusting snort*
And what is your function?
He's...
The Nose of Sauron.
He's meant to 'sniff out' the whereabouts of the one ring, but...
*disgusting and very convincing sneezing fit*
That's all he does. Utterly useless.
Impressed by everything he's been learning on the job,
Sauron decides to visit the Gate Trolls
who have the most back-breaking job in the empire.
So, what do you think about the upcoming battle with Gondor?
Troll is little cog in big machine.
And Troll push big cog.
Troll want to fly!
Like Noise-Gulls!
But, you're too large to mount a fell-beast and-
Boss is magic jewellery spirit!
He magic it true if he want!
Hmmmmmmmm
I knew he'd eat up the whole 'Dumb Troll' schtick.
The Mordor Suits always do.
As if he could fool anyone!
He's a flaming fucking spirit eyeball!
Hahaha Trolls talk so funny! Hehehe
I have...
A lot to think about.
With the week over,
It's time for Sauron to reveal who he really is
and tell his minions about the changes he has planned...
You all knew me as "Ron".
An unremarkable minion.
But it-
It is I!
Sauron the Deceiver!
*yawn*
Ah uh- stupid troll- uh-
Stupid Troll surprised.
I have seen with my own eye your toils and struggles.
and I...
*sniff*
have some things to do.
Gorbag, your 33 orclings-
41!
Your 41 orclings have inspired me.
Every time we conquer a city
10% of the corpses
will go into a hungry day fund for-
You mean, no more maggoty bread?
Never again.
And you
Gate Troll number 7.
You...
*sniff*
You WILL fly like a Nazgul!
Aw the boss is getting emotional!
This seemed like a better idea when I didn't mean it!
The feelings
are
TOO MUUUUUUCH!
GATE TROLL NUMBER 7!
Ouch!
Jesus, hey I'm flyin' here!