- Any of y'all seen the movie Space Jam?
(cheering)
- It's a classic.
- Classic in its genre.
- Yeah.
- Some people argue
that it's the Citizen Kane of Michael Jordan movies.
- We don't disagree.
- We don't disagree with that.
- But the one thing that always,
I always question,
is how did Michael Jordan convince Charles Barkley
to be in the movie?
- It's a quagmire.
- Yes.
- But I think we figured it out,
and we're gonna share it with y'all in a reenactment.
- Yes.
- He's going to be Michael Jordan,
the great Air Jordan.
- Air Jordan.
- And I'm going to be Charles Barkley.
- I'm Michael Jordan.
- You're Michael Jordan, I'm Charles Barkley.
The Round Mound of Rebound.
- Are you getting that?
- What are you doing? Are you doing this?
You want to do it with this?
- Yeah.
- Symmetry
(laughter)
- All right.
- All right now, harken back to 1994.
- Come back with us.
This is right after the OJ murders.
- Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring.
- Yo, hello. Who's this? Who's this? Who's this?
- It's me man, it's Michael Jordan.
- Oh man, it's Air Jordan?
Oh, how are you doing, man?
How's baseball going, brother?
(laughter)
- I don't really want to talk.
- You sure?
- Nah, I'm good, I'm good.
- I saw you on ESPN, man, wasn't looking good.
- I didn't look too good.
- Nah, it wasn't good man.
- This is not a call about baseball,
it's about movies!
- All right, man. Okay.
Don't be so aggressive.
- Movies.
- You're getting into the movie industry?
- That's right.
- You get into the movie industry?
- That's right.
- That's dope.
- I mean, I came up with this compelling story.
- Oh, word? You're writing movies?
- I'm writing it now, man.
- Oh, shit.
- And I think you'd be great for the role.
- You want me to be in it?
- I do.
- Oh, what's the, what's the movie about?
- So it's a basketball story, right?
David and Goliath, all right?
- Okay. All right.
- On one team,
It's gonna to be Shawn Bradley,
it's going to be Muggsy Bogues,
Larry Johnson, Grandmama, you like him,
Patrick Ewing.
- Patrick?
- Patrick. I mean, that's a solid all-NBA fourth team,
if they had it.
- That's a good team.
- If they had it,
- It's a solid team, a solid team. Solid.
- Yes.
- I mean, that's a solid team.
- It's a great team.
- Who's gonna be on your team, though?
Who are you going to have?
You gonna have Karl Malone, the Mailman?
- No.
- You ain't gonna have Shawn Kemp?
- No.
- You ain't have the Reign Man?
- Mm-mm
- The Glove?
- No.
- Detlef Schrempf?
- No.
- Stockton?
- No.
Daffy Duck.
(laughter)
You still there?
- No, I'm still,
Is that like a pet nickname for Scottie Pippen?
Is that a--
- No, the Looney Tunes.
I'm talking about - What's the guy's name?
Bugs Bunny,
Elmer Fudd,
Sylvester the Cat, Tweety Bird.
- You're gonna have Tweety?
- I'm gonna have Tweety. Yes.
- Oh shit. (sighs)
Hey Mike, I'm getting another call.
Could you hold on? Would you hold on?
- Sure, I'll hold, sure.
- Hey man, who's this?
- It's Shaq, man, what's goin on?
- What's up, Shaq?
- Hey, I was on the other line with Mike, man.
I think he's on LSD or some shit.
Baseball's holding him down.
What's up? What'd you call me for, Shaq?.
What's good?
- So, you know, I got this movie idea.
I've been thinking about this movie idea.
It's like great.
You know, I, I mean
I really think it can get an Oscar or something.
I don't know, if we really put a lot of effort into it
it could really, like, compete
for a Golden Globe or something.
I really want you to be in it, too.
- You want me to be in your movie, Shaq?
- Yes.
- Okay.
(sighs) What.
What's the movie about, Shaq?
- Two words, man: rapping genie.
- Click.
(laughter)
- Hey Mike.
- What up?
- Sign me up, baby, I'm in!
- All right, baby.
- Here's the worst thing about the war on drugs,
(laughs) aside from black people.
It's drug dealers.
- Yeah, it's drug dealers, man.
Because when you make drugs illegal,
that means you have to
- Got to go to a drug dealer.
- Got to go to the drug dealers.
And drug dealers,
they can be obnoxious.
- They can.
- They can be a bit obnoxious.
You know, they always try to push their agenda on people.
- That's right.
- Like our drug dealer's a feminist, and you know,
I love feminism, but
- I got a button that says I'm a feminist so I'm good.
- Yeah.
- I'm a feminist.
It's just, when I'm trying to buy weed,
I don't want to talk about shit like that.
- Nah man.
I just want to smoke and get my mind off of the real shit,
but he doesn't let that happen.
So we went to his crib and went to go pick up our shit,
and the WNBA was playing and,
and we were, like,
"Oh man, that's cool. Could you get us our weed?"
- "And we'll be right out."
- "We'll just be going."
And he was like, "No, no, no, no, no. Sit down."
And he held our weed hostage
for a whole half.
- And we were, like, "We gotta go, man.
Please just give us the weed.
Let's get the fuck outta here."
And he's, like, "Look, man,
I don't understand why y'all are acting like this.
I guarantee if they got rid of the NBA
more people would watch the WNBA."
And we were, like, "Nah."
- That's not how things work,
you know what I mean?
You can't get rid of something that's super dope
and replace it with something that's not as dope.
I mean, it's dope, but not as dope.
You know what I mean?
Like a couple of summers ago,
You didn't hear nobody say, man,
"Now that Michael Jackson's dead,
I can finally listen to all this Jermaine Jackson."
(laughter)
- Ain't nobody say that.
- Nobody said that.
- Ain't nobody say that shit.
- Nobody said that.
- Ain't nobody say that.
- I don't know.
That punchline might be a little dated.
- You think we need to update it?
- I think we need to update the punchline.
- All right, all right. Start over.
- You want to start with what?
- The middle.
- Super dope, do the joke. Okay.
Because you can't get rid of something that's super dope.
(laughs)
And replace it with something that's not as dope.
I mean, it's dope, but not as dope.
Like this year, you ain't hear nobody say
"Now that Prince is dead,
I can finally listen to all this Jermaine Jackson."
(laughter)
- Same punch line. Same punch line.
So now that our father actually is out of prison.
He's not in prison anymore.
And it sucks that he's out.
I wish he was still there.
- Oh yeah.
- I want him to go back because all he wants to do
is father son shit and I'm like, dude, we pay rent now.
It's over, man.
You had your opportunity.
And now it's like, he wanted to play basketball.
And he took us to the court
and the entire time he was fucking arrogant.
- Mm-hmm
Prison turned him cocky.
- Yeah.
- We were playing ball and he was
he was, admittedly, destroying us.
- Yeah.
- And after a game, he was, like,
"Yo, man, if I was about six, seven inches taller,
I could've been in the NBA."
- We're, like,
"You'd probably just be a taller criminal, right?"
(laughter)
- That's it. But it got us thinking, man.
Do you think NBA players do the same thing, but in reverse?
Like do they talk about the things they would do
if they were a little bit shorter?
Maybe.
- Maybe.
- Like, LeBron James and Kevin Love
chilling at Chuck E. Cheese.
And LeBron James is, like,
"Yo, man, K Love."
- "What up?"
- "Yo, man, if I was ten inches shorter..."
(laughter)
- "What up, man?"
- "I'm trying to think.
Oh, I'd kill myself.
I'd definitely jump off a bridge."
- "You should."
- "I'd lose all my endorsements."
- "You will."