-So...who's the guy?
-Why do you think there's always a guy, Thor?
-Honey, you're putting ketchup on your cereal.
♪♪
-Hey, all you hopeless romantics out there,
it's that special night of the year,
your last chance to find love.
-Wow! It's almost that magical moment.
So, who are you gonna kiss tonight?
-You know me! I'm not really into that whole romance thing!
-This Friday, from the makers of
"Valentine's Day" and "New Year's Eve"...
-[ Groans ] There's too much pressure put on this one night.
I think I'll stay in and read my book.
-Unh-unh, mister! You are not staying in tonight.
Yeah. [ Giggles ]
-...comes the story of the whole world
coming together on one night to celebrate...
The Apocalypse.
[ All screaming ]
-You know, I love this whole Armageddon thing --
you know, uh, brimstone and hellfire, you know.
Just the other day,
I strangled a guy for some flashlight batteries.
-Starring literally thousands of your favorite celebrities.
Like...
-The forecast says it's gonna be the end of the world.
But I say we'll be together forever.
That's what's happening...
in this neck of the woods.
-Shh. Let's just enjoy this.
[ Vocalizing wildly ]
-Or what about Cuba Gooding Jr...
-I remember the most beautiful woman.
She was standing right here 15 years ago!
Oh, my God! It's her!
-...and Penny Marshall.
-Hey. -It is you!
But how did you find me?!
-I guess it's...serendipity.
-I love Earth!
-And from "The Sopranos," Paulie Walnuts.
-Hey, T. The Apocalypse? Could be good.
-And don't miss an unscripted Kim Cattrall.
-The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse?
I just hope they have four huge horse [bleep].
What about you, kid from "Modern Family"?
-The Apocalypse may destroy the Earth,
but the one thing that it can't destroy is...
-"The Apocalypse." -"Valentine's Day."
-You love the Marvel Universe.
"Avengers: Age of Ultron,"
"Thor," "Captain America," "Iron Man."
But you want to know -- why no Black Widow movie?
Does Marvel not know how to make a girl superhero movie?
Chill.
Marvel gets women.
Coming in 2016...
♪♪
When it came to life in the big city,
Black Widow had it all figured out.
-Ooh! Remind me to call whoever invented heels
and leave them a nasty message!
-A huge apartment, great friends,
and an internship at "Fashion Weekly."
-Where's the new girl?
[ Whooshing ]
-Sorry. Here.
-Leather. With a low neckline?
Take that off... [ Record needle scratches ]
...and put it on the cover of our magazine.
♪♪
-The only thing missing in Black Widow's life...
-Ooh. Such a klutz. Heh.
-...was love.
-Hey. I'm Ultron.
-Black Widow.
-You wanna grab a coffee?
-I don't really have time to date any guys now.
-What about robots?
-[ Giggles ]
-So...who's the guy?
-Why do you think there's always a guy, Thor?
-Honey, you're putting ketchup on your cereal.
-From Marvel Studios...
[ Camera shutter clicking ]
...and the writers of "27 Dresses"...
comes the story of a superhero
and her super romance.
♪♪
[ Whirring and buzzing ]
-Penis activated.
-I don't know, Black Widow.
I think you're moving way too fast with this guy.
-Does he even know anything about you?
Like that your favorite food is ice cream?
-Hey, B.W. Your boyfriend is on the news.
-...as a robot named Ultron
threw a bus at the "Fashion Weekly" building.
I'd hate to be that guy's girlfriend.
-♪ No, I'm never gonna cry again ♪
♪ Yeah, I've done it for the last time ♪
♪ Goodbye ♪
-What are YOU doing here?
You know how much that job meant to me!
-I...
-Do you even know what my favorite food is?
-Pizza?
-[ Scoffs ] Thank you.
-Ugh! -Ugh
-For Black Widow, falling in love can be hard,
but it can also be...
incredible.
-Where you go?
-Paris. France.
-But if you go Paris...
then who help Hulk...
eat ice cream? Hunh.
-[ Giggles ]
-"Black Widow: Age of Me."
Marvel. We know girls.
[ Applause ]
-From the makers of "The Fault in Our Stars"...
comes an all-new film about heartbreak...
and teenage love against the odds.
♪♪
Based on the best-selling novel.
-What's your name? -Olive.
-I'm Theodore. At your service.
-[ Giggles ]
♪♪
-When I said I'd do anything to get out of high school,
this wasn't exactly what I had in mind.
-Tell me your story.
-Well, when I was first diagnosed, I didn't really --
-No. Tell me your REAL story.
-[ Sighs ]
-Because being sick doesn't have to be a life sentence.
-I know that love is just a shouting at the void
and that oblivion is inevitable, but I'm sticking with you
no matter what kind of cancer you have.
-No, I don't have cancer. I -- [ Sighs ]
I have Ebola.
-Ohhhh...
-It's "The Fault in Our Stars 2: The Ebola in Our Everything."
Sometimes the most contagious disease is love.
-Maybe we should ask your doctor if this is okay.
-If doctors know so much,
then why is my doctor dead from Ebola?
-The movie the "LA Times" calls "astonishing"...
and the World Health Organization calls "plausible."
-I just live for these little infinities with you.
-Uh-huh.
-Can you hear me? You're so far away.
-I'm good.
-"USA Today" says,
"I laughed. I panicked. I mostly panicked."
-Let's just travel the world --
get on a plane or a crowded bus and just go!
-Ohh. That's not a good idea.
-Is THIS a good idea?
-Ehhhhh...
-With Terrence Howard as the trusted guidance counselor.
-Well, it's not the length of the life. It's how you live it.
-She wants to have sex. -Hell no!
-Just the tip?
-Maybe.
♪♪
-"The Fault in Our Stars 2: The Ebola in Our Everything."
Because you can't quarantine... your heart.
[ Applause ]
-Should you vote for me just because
I'm the rich, popular, good-looking guy?
Hell yeah!
[ Cheers and applause ]
In this school, looks are everything!
What's the deal with the witch?
-Stay clear, man. She's into some dark stuff.
-[ Scoffs ]
I love my good looks!
-Well, I curse you to a life without them.
-[ Choking ]
-You have one year to find someone to love you.
[Hushed] Or stay like this forever!
-[ Sobbing ]
-Oh, no! I'm Beastly!
Aaaaah!
-Let me see your face.
-Pretty gruesome, huh?
-I've seen worse. -Really?!
-No, dude. You look like [bleep].
I misjudged you, Declan.
It's what's on the inside that --
Ugh! Dude! -What? What's up?
-Are you serious?
-I think I sat on some mashed potatoes!
♪♪
-Eggggghh!
-"Beastly."
-I'm pregnant, and it's yours!
-You're a man, and we haven't slept together.
-Burn! Rango!
-Beastly! -Beastly!
♪♪