- The other day, I was sitting down
to put together holiday content
and trying to think back on the years
of like what I've created
and what might be helpful this year.
And as I was doing this,
I was like looking at my computer screen
and like a calendar,
just trying to put my thoughts together,
my eye started to twitch.
Has that happened for anybody else?
And like you notice it because it's in your view,
but I know people around me don't,
but it's so disruptive.
And it's like caused from stress
and then having my eye twitch is like more stressful.
But anyways, it got me thinking
that I feel like this holiday season
is the most stressful in a while,
and I don't really know why,
and so I'm gonna share some of the reasons
that it's happening for me
and maybe you could share in the comments
some of the reasons it's happening for you.
And hopefully, you know, together,
I'll offer some of the things that are helping me
feel better and get through it,
and feel free to share some of your own
because it's really about this community
and the connection that we have
that I think is really good for me and really healing for me
and part of what keeps me wanting to create.
But this season seems way more stressful than others,
and it's kind of wild because I don't know
if anybody did this too as a kid,
but I remember as a child
counting down the days till Christmas.
Now, obviously it was 'cause of greed
'cause I wanted like all the presents,
but I remember even putting together
those red and green like construction paper rings.
Did anybody else do that?
And every day in December, you would tear one off,
and I would look in my room
'cause it'd be hung up like above my window,
and I'd be like, "Only 17 more days."
Like, it was just crazy.
And I would count down with just so much excitement.
But as an adult I'm like,
"Oh my god, how is it already the 20th?
Like, this is out of control."
Like, things have just picked up speed like so fast, right?
And I think when we're children,
the holidays aren't really stressful for us, right?
We don't really have a lot of things that we have to do.
No one's really counting on us
to purchase a lot of presents.
A lot of times the parents are doing all that heavy lifting.
But I don't even have any kids, and it's just interesting,
and I think what I've come to decide
that there are various factors for me
that have caused this year to be more stressful than others.
Now, number one is the fact that things were closed down
for a couple of years with COVID.
I know not for everybody, not everybody did that,
but for us we did.
We haven't traveled home for the holidays
to Montreal or to Washington in many years because of COVID.
And this is the first year
that everybody's kind of doing that again.
And flights are so expensive
that it makes it like impossible
and then you feel guilty for not doing it,
and that just adds a little to the stress of it.
Not to mention that I feel like
when I'm trying to add in my holiday to-dos, right,
and these are things I honestly love.
I love buying gifts for people.
I'm the worst gift giver.
When I buy them, I immediately want to tell them what I got
and I want them to open it.
So like, wrapping them, putting them under the tree
is just like torture for me.
But adding those holiday to-dos,
like I need to figure out what to get my mom or Sean
or people that work with us.
Like, I need to figure that out.
Cramming that into my already busy schedule is a lot
and it's overwhelming,
and I think that was kind of what triggered that
like eye twitch to happen.
And I also want the gifts to be like the best gifts ever,
and so putting the thought and time into the gift giving,
'cause I really would love to have each and every gift
be like meaningful and thoughtful,
but I just don't have that capability, right?
I don't have that brain space.
And then I think there's some guilt
that comes along with that.
And so that's part of it,
and kind of what I talked about with the flight cost.
Like, the cost of things are crazy this year,
and that adds to more stress 'cause then you're like,
"Well, how much can I afford to do?
And who can I buy things for?
And what does that look like?
And are they gonna be offended if I don't spend X amount?"
You know, we have to navigate that,
and it kind of sucks and it's super stressful.
And the next thing for me,
and I'm not gonna cry, I'm gonna hold it together,
but I miss my grandma and I miss my papa.
And when people have passed away,
I feel like the holidays
are like a reminder that they're not there,
because my grandma and papa always hosted.
And it's not that they would do all the work.
Like, in the later years of their life,
we would often just have it at their house
and we would like bring everything there.
But I feel like when the holidays come around
and someone that you love isn't there,
it's really hard to like get excited about it
and wanna do it because it isn't the same, right?
And I feel like as we get older,
I remember us talking to my uncle
after my grandma passed away,
and I was just, you know, we were just having a moment,
and he said, you know,
"It's a changing of the guards, Kati,"
'cause they were the last of that generation, right?
And he was like, "I guess we're the oldest ones,"
meaning and him and his wife and my mom,
you know, that generation.
They're the next oldest generation of our family.
And I was like, "Wow, he's right."
Like, I never thought about it that way.
And that's hard, right?
It's not the same.
And I think, well, I mean, I know
in the case of like my uncle,
he doesn't want the changing of the guards to happen.
He still wants his parents to be here.
And, you know, to be the older generation
I feel like comes with its own probably set of stressors,
and and then it doesn't feel the same for any of us.
It's just weird.
You kind of feel like you're in
this weird like purgatory or limbo
between what used to be and what will be.
And it's just this uncomfortable transition.
That's added a lot of stress
and made it hard for me to sleep
and made it hard for me to focus
and just all the things, you know?
And so if you're experiencing
any of that kind of anxiety or stress
in relation to anniversaries or grief
or reminders of things that maybe used to have been,
know that you're not alone.
And I've been doing some simple things to help myself,
one of which was I've been taking,
it's called calm tea I think it is,
and it has magnesium in it.
And I'm not a doctor, so check with your doctor
before you take anything like this.
But magnesium and L-theanine have been really helpful
in getting me to go to sleep.
I also do some stretches before I go to bed,
and that has helped kind of alleviate some of the stressors
that I might be feeling because of the holidays.
And, you know, there's a lot that goes into it.
And since my sleep has been a bit choppy lately,
and like I said, my eye has been twitching,
I've been trying out a lot of different things
to help me relax.
And I'm excited to share today's sponsor with you, Komuso.
What I have here is what is known as their Shift necklace,
and it's made out of medical grade stainless steel,
so it lasts forever and it won't tarnish,
but it forces you to slow down your breath.
So if you try to blow through it quickly, it won't allow it.
In fact, when I had my mom try it out 'cause she was here,
I didn't really explain it to her properly I guess,
and she gave it back to me and she was like,
"I can't get my breath through it Kati.
It won't let me breathe it through.
Something's wrong."
And I was like, "No, it's supposed to do that
because when you breathe through it,
it forces us to take longer and slower exhales,
which triggers our parasympathetic nervous system."
Which if you didn't know,
it's the one responsible for our relaxation and rest.
It's also called our rest and digest system.
So when we get overwhelmed or stressed,
I notice that I'm breathing up into my shoulders
in these like quick, short breaths.
And using the Shift necklace,
I'm able to slow that breath down
before my system gets even more overwhelmed.
And I love that I can have it with me at all times.
I think it looks pretty cool.
And it's helping me create a new and healthier habit
to slow my breath down.
And you can get 15% off of yours now
by clicking the link in the description
or heading to komusodesign.com/discount/Kati15.
Another thing I wanna talk about
when it comes to stress with the holidays
is what I've heard from some of my single friends:
that the holidays can put a lot of pressure
on having a significant other.
I've even seen those funny memes where people are like,
"Um, you know, you can pay me $100
and I'll come to your Christmas dinner
and pretend that I'm your boyfriend
or girlfriend or whatever."
And I don't know why that is.
And when my friends were talking about this,
I realized that like every holiday movie
revolves around a romantic relationship.
Every event revolves around couples
and being together and buying these gifts
like diamonds or cars, and who buys,
I mean, maybe if you do, good for you,
but like who buys a car for Christmas?
I feel like there's just so much pressure to be settled.
And I even remember when Sean and I were first dating
when I would go home, I'd get questions about like,
"When are you gonna get married?
When are you gonna settle down sis? It's been awhile."
You know, over and over.
And then once we got married,
"When are you gonna have kids?"
and all this pressure to do things at a certain time
because someone else says that we should do them.
And that can just add to the stress
and the difficulty with going home.
And I think there's also, you know,
a lot of pressure out there,
not only for us to have a significant other
but also to have a good relationship with our family.
And if we're estranged from them
or if we don't really get along,
or maybe we don't agree with them,
I know politics have made people so divided lately
people are having a difficult time
even being with family they don't agree with,
it can be really hard to feel like we need to get together
and that that's something that has to happen.
And so what I encourage you to do,
because I'm encouraging myself mainly,
is take care of our basic needs.
I've been trying to eat more regularly, well-balanced meals.
Notice I didn't say healthy but more balanced,
meaning protein, carb, veggie or fruit.
Making sure that I'm getting these well-balanced meals
helps me feel better.
Also making sure I get enough sleep,
that I manage my stress.
Even things like the Komuso, it's a very affordable option
to help us better manage that overwhelm.
I've been doing my full body shakes.
I've been showering regularly,
taking my vitamins and any prescribed medication.
Making sure that we're doing those things
can help us be less vulnerable
to these kinds of ups and downs that come with the holidays.
Another thing that I've been doing
is working on healthy boundaries.
You all know I'm doing a boundaries workshop,
and that's because honestly,
it's just as helpful for me to learn about it
and teach it to you
as it is hopefully for you to learn about it,
because boundaries are just important, right?
I can go to Christmas dinner,
and if that one family member wants to pick a fight with me,
I get to choose how I wanna respond.
I know, it's mind blowing and it's really hard,
but we're gonna do it together.
We're gonna try, right?
Because boundaries have more to do
with how we respond, right?
We can't control other people.
And I think the more I like beat that into my head,
you can't control other people, Kati, you can't control,
I can't make someone apologize
or make them not be so combative.
All I can do is decide
whether or not I wanna engage with them,
whether or not I'm gonna sit through it
and let them talk to me that way.
And I know some family dynamics don't leave space for that,
but this is just one of many options, right?
Another could be just to limit the time that we spend,
meaning we come in for a couple days
and say we have to get back out for work, right?
We don't have a ton of time off.
Or, you know, if we have a pet or a child,
it can be difficult and we can be like,
"I've gotta get back," or, "I have this to do,"
or, you know, we might have to split our time
across two families.
Making that time short
where you can manage it for that amount,
and then maybe setting up some extra support after,
like a long phone call with a girlfriend
while you're, you know, driving in the car
on the way to the airport or on your way home,
that can be kind of your time to (exhales), you know?
And just knowing that connection
has been really helpful for me.
It's something I've talked about in a video
probably like three weeks ago now,
about how much I need connection
and how like healing it is for me.
And maybe you feel that way too,
and so making time for the people
who are your chosen family.
That could be your actual relatives,
or it could be the people
that you've decided to have in your life.
Make sure that you make time for that.
Like, we've gone to,
my friends Lauren and Adam have a wonderful friend group
over in Houston.
We went to, you know, like a friendsgiving.
And that's really healing for me to be around people
who I love, who support me, who get me.
So make sure that you're making time for that too.
And like I said, leave any ideas you have in the comments,
because for some reason,
to me this year just feels extra stressful,
and so finding some helpful tools and techniques,
whether it's a Komuso Shift necklace,
whether it's magnesium, L-theanine to help you sleep,
talk to your doctor,
whether it's taking care of those basic needs,
seeing a therapist, connecting with friends,
whatever it may be,
we wanna make sure that we all feel
a little (exhales) reprieve this year
because the holidays is the one time
that work is kind of slowing down, at least for me.
I don't know about you.
And I wanna take advantage of that.
I wanna actually be recharged.
And if I come up with any other tools and techniques,
I'll definitely let you know,
but I would love it if you'd share those in the comments.
Have a wonderful holiday season
doing things that feel good for you
with people who you love and who love you back.
I love you all so much.
I couldn't do this without you.
Every year, I'm always really reflective on the past year
and how grateful I am to have this community,
whether it's my community on Patreon,
whether it's you in the comments,
whether it's us on Instagram and TikTok,
all of the ways that we connect,
every year I'm just so grateful.
So thank you for being part of my life.
I hope you're thankful that I'm part of yours,
and I can't wait to see what 2023 has in store for us.
(warm music)