- We're gonna make fresh pasta, in the office,
we've gotta do some maximum work
for minimal improvement.
Now, the reason why I'm making fresh pasta
is because I just found something in the office
that is, like, amazing at cutting your pasta.
Like, amazing.
I'm kinda forcing this one in.
(upbeat music)
To start, I like to use two cups of flour
with three eggs, plus one yolk.
Flour, you're gonna dump that out.
You're gonna make a well in the center.
Take these fingers,
dust them off like so.
We're gonna take about a teaspoon of salt,
and then we've got some olive oil,
some finest, corner store deli olive oil.
Oh, it doesn't say extra virgin on it.
Let's do about a tablespoon of olive oil.
The thing is, was that really a tablespoon?
Does anyone really know, when they're like,
"That's about a tablespoon"?
I don't know.
All right, so we're gonna break these yolks up.
I'm using the bottom of my fork right here
to kind of, see, I'm working in flour.
A little bit at a time, you wanna break that well
because, see, it goes all over the place.
Look at that, I can... oh!
Right when I said "look at that,"
I didn't get any on myself.
I do get (mumbles) stuff on myself.
If you ever wanna to see a blooper reel
of all the wack-a-doo stuff that happens,
it's on the cutting room floor
because people just want to see cooking.
Write in on the comments below,
saying, "I just wanna see this guy
act like an idiot for a minute and not cook anything,
instead of acting like an idiot while cooking something."
We're just gonna start, almost start the kneading process.
How do you know when it's ready to go?
Well, the skin on the back of your hand
has a very specific feel to it,
a very specific smoothness, and once this dough
feels like the skin on the back of your hand,
that's when you know you're good to go!
Pasta carbonara.
I can feel it on my hand,
it doesn't want to spread as easily.
That means it's ready to go.
Take some plastic wrap, we're gonna wrap it.
And we're gonna take this, and we're gonna let it rest
in the fridge, at least a half an hour.
But, through the magic of video,
one's rested, like magic.
Here's the one that's already done.
We're gonna make pasta carbonara.
What does pasta carbonara need?
It needs pork products.
We have bacon, and I know some of you are like,
"Why isn't he using guanciale?"
Because bacon's what they had down at the corner store.
All of these ingredients I'm buying,
I'm buying from right outside this office,
and we don't have a place that sells guanciale
within a block of here, so we're gonna use bacon.
I'm gonna take this bacon,
I'm gonna put it in my toaster oven, 400 degrees,
boom, let it go.
But now, let's work-a the dough.
Pasta's rested, we're gonna release it from its cage.
And now, let's divide this dough up.
We're gonna take one quarter of it,
and we're gonna roll it out.
Now, offices don't have rolling pins.
Sometimes, people are like, "Use a wine bottle!"
Well, you gotta find the person
who has the wine bottle in their desk.
Her name is Nancy.
It's always Nancy.
But I don't have that, so I'm gonna use
this complimentary water bottle.
Flour the outside of this up.
Let's roll this out into something
that will begin to almost resemble a noodle.
Now, remember, this is office edition,
so I'm not using a machine to do this.
Because a lot of you say,
"I can't afford all this machinery,
I'm not gonna do this with a sous vide machine,
I'm not gonna spend two hours carving aluminum dangerously
to make something out of my grill."
Well, this is all stuff that is in our beautiful office.
So, I got my initial roll done, let's fold it back up,
and just like feeding it through the machine,
do it one more time.
(bright music)
So there we have our pasta sheet.
Pasta sheet.
Now, we can kind of just fold this up
and use a knife,
but this is, you can do this.
And, we're not gonna make it that easy.
Well, look at this!
A paper cutter.
I got this idea,
I was watching this Japanese master make soba,
and it was so perfect that every slice
was perfectly the same size,
and I was like, "That's amazing, how can I do that?
How can I get that precision of the measurements?"
Paper cutter.
We're gonna trim the ends, boom!
Making a flat line.
We're gonna move it over half an inch,
and then, bang!
Bang!
There you go, fresh pasta in the office, paper cutter.
Let's get our bacon going real quick.
So, on this board, parm, pecorino, eggs, bowl.
I'm gonna take this, whoo!
So let's take this burning hot bacon
and let's chop it down.
I got some crispy bits in there,
I've got some still-malleable bits in there,
we're gonna put it in our bowl, we're gonna leave it,
we're gonna cook this pasta real quick,
we wanna get everything going
while it's still very, very, very hot.
How do we boil pasta in the office?
You're gonna be like, "Please,
do not say microwave.
Do not say microwave to cook this pasta."
Well, guess what?
We're not using a microwave.
We're gonna use our friend,
the office tea kettle.
(jazzy music)
♫ Boiling pasta.
There's our boiling water.
We're gonna season it.
Fresh pasta cooks in a very quick amount of time.
The starch that is released into the water
by the pasta, by the excess bench flour and stuff like that,
is gonna help smooth out the sauce and make it more viscous.
Our noodles are beginning to float.
We're gonna reserve our pasta water.
Pasta goes in, the bacon,
at this point, I wish I had tongs,
You know what, let's be a little dangerous.
Just a little bit of that bacon fat in there.
And let's get the sauce together.
So, while that's working, let's move very quickly.
I'm gonna do two eggs in this bowl here.
One, two, for a little bit of fun,
let's add one yolk.
The hot pasta water that was just boiling,
we're using it to temper the eggs
so it doesn't scramble when it goes into the noodles.
And, to this, it's gonna add a little viscosity,
and a little bit of thickness.
Here's some pecorino, here is some parm,
and we're gonna mix that in.
And this is essentially becoming our sauce
that we're gonna work into the pasta while it's still hot.
Now, while everything is still blazing hot,
we're gonna work this into our noodles.
Everything's gonna melt together.
And, those little pepper packets (laughs).
Please use fresh pepper, it tastes way better than this,
but, there was not fresh pepper
within a block of this office.
Let's add some salt and finish it off.
And this is where tongs would come in handy,
but we don't have those, because this is office edition.
What we do have is a carbonara made (mumbles).
Rest of the parm, put it on top,
little pecorino, put it on top.
Ladies and gentlemen, pasta carbonara
using a tea kettle and a paper cutter.
You can do this.
(funky music)
To learn how to misuse more of your stuff at work,
click here.
I like it strong, strong like bull, coffee.
So, all we've gotta do now is get some agua.