“There are two homosexual gentlemen in this bar at this moment.”
“That’s right guys, they’re here right now and you don’t even know who they are.”
All aboard, and welcome to Matt Baume’s Culture Cruise!
This month we’re taking a deep dive on a surprisingly daring 1983 episode of Cheers
entitled “The Boys in the Bar,” in which the gang is willing to do anything to stop
their beloved hangout from turning into a gay bar.
In the end, Sam -- the owner of the bar -- has choose between his regulars and gay patrons
he doesn’t even know.
By the way, thanks to everyone who makes Culture Cruise possible with a pledge of support on
Patreon -- folks like David Brillhart, Ian Gibb, and Jimmy Anderson.
If you’re enjoying these videos, head over to Patreon.com/mattbaume to check out the
rewards for backers like early ad-free access, stickers and books in the mail, and more.
When it first aired, “The Boys in the Bar” was a big risk -- Cheers was a brand new show
and in its first season it got terrible ratings.
It was close to getting cancelled.
Running an episode that tackled homophobia, in 1983, could have turned off what few viewers
the show by that point had.
It’s amazing that we have this little time capsule of mainstream attitudes toward gay
people.
So, let’s set it up.
The episode starts with reporters convening on the bar for a book release party.
“How can that be in a place where no one can read?”
Sam’s college friend Tom just wrote an autobiography, and Sam’s excited for everyone to read it
-- even though, he confesses to Dianne, he hasn’t read it yet.
“Didn’t want to, ah, wear out your lips?”
If Sam HAD read it, he might’ve learned that his college friend wrote a coming out
story.
That’s probably a reference to Glenn Burke, the real-life athlete who was the country’s
first openly gay pro baseball player.
Burke played with the Dodgers and Oakland As in the late '70s, and competed in the gay
games in '82, just a year before this episode aired.
And, just a little more trivia, Glenn Burke is credited as being the inventor of the high-five
during a game in 1977, which means that all high fives are gay.
The reporters’ questions at the press conference lead Sam to realize that Tom came out in his
book.
At first Sam’s scared, and literally runs away, distancing himself as much as possible
from his friend.
Hiding in a back room of the bar, he runs through a handful of “I can’t believe
it’s not heterosexual” cliches.
“I mean, he should have told me.”
“Guys should be guys, Dianne!”
“I should have known.
I remember sitting at a piano bar with him and he requested a show tune.”
Ok, that doesn’t mean he’s gay, it just means he has good taste.
Although often they are the same thing.
Anyway, Tom sees that Sam can’t handle the news, and is about to leave.
But then there’s a twist.
Sam realizes what he’s done, and in front of the news cameras, he tells his friend to
stay.
And for good reason.
“I appreciate this, Sam.
I really do” “Well, you didn’t dump me when I had a
drinking problem.”
“Uh, sure I did, you were just passed out at the time.”
Joking aside, after his initial shock, Sam’s just being a good friend here.
The show Cheers had only been on the air for a few months when this episode aired, and
the writers were still setting up what the show even was.
And the theme song really tells you what kind of bar they wanted Sam to be running -- a
place where everybody knows your name, where everyone’s troubles are the same.
In other words, a place where everyone’s welcome.
And for Sam, that includes his gay college friend.
But the regulars aren’t on board.
The next evening, Norm takes Sam aside and tells him that after another nearby watering
hole let gays hang out there, it turned into a gay bar.
Now, let’s set aside the fact that any bar should be so lucky.
Norm’s scared that the same thing could happen to Cheers.
“All the regulars left, Sammy.
Out went the oars and the moose heads.
In came plants and ferns.
Ferns!”
Oh no, not the moose heads.
Though to be fair, they can be pretty astounding.
“I can speak English.”
Norm’s reference to ferns might not make much sense today, but back then, for some
reason, a lot of gay bars had ferns.
You can see them all over the background of this 1977 episode of Maude, and there’s
what look like fake ferns in the background of the 1971 movie “Some of my Best Friends
Are.”
Weirdly, both of those things star Rue McClanahan, and we know she loves a bold floral, so maybe
it was all her idea.
By the way, I interviewed one of the actors from that episode of Maude on my podcast,
The Sewers of Paris, where I talk to queer people about the entertainment that changed
their lives.
Check out episode 206 of the Sewers of Paris, where I talk to actor Henry Goldring, where
we talk all about being an openly gay actor in the 1970s, and how he bluffed his way into
being Joan Rivers’ opening act despite never having performed before.
It’s a very fun episode.
Anyway, as the regulars wring their hands about Cheers turning gay, Dianne drops a bombshell.
Not only do gay people come into Cheers all the time, she says, but there are two gay
men in the bar righit now.
Norm doesn’t believe her.
“Looks like a straight crowd to me.
Too ugly to be gay.”
But then they notice two particular patrons.
“Could we have a couple of beers, please?”
“Patty cake alert.”
“Oh listen can we have light beers please?”
“Light beer!”
“Patty cake!”
“It’s an orgy!”
“Ferns, Sammy, we’re talking ferns!”
This talk of ferns is chilling.
It’s getting to be too much for the regulars, and they decide they’re going to move to
another bar before Cheers turns gay.
Which, actually, now that I say it, gay Cheers would be an amazing show.
Reboot THAT.
“Sam I’m telling you within a month there’s gonna be wild music and guys dancing and exchanging
phone numbers.”
Sound great, put me on the list.
Now as ridiculous as it might seem that everyone’s so terrified of two gay gays in a Boston bar.
But remember, back in ‘83, at the start of the HIV epidemic, it wasn’t uncommon
for people to be openly terrified of even being in the same room as gay people.
Here’s Eddie Murphy doing standup the year before.
“I’m afraid of gay people, petrified.
I have nightmares about gay people.”
Now remember, Cheers had only been on the air for a few months at the time that this
episode aired.
The whole premise of the show is that the bar is a place where everyone is welcome,
a premise the writers are now truly putting to the test, to see if it can actually stand
up -- as Dianne points out:
“You’ve gone out of your way to make a bar where customers can feel like they belong,
part of a family.
And now they’re walking out on you.”
There’s a little more back and forth and then the regulars all rush to a back room
to argue about the best course of action.
Most of them say they’ll stop coming to Cheers if there’s even a risk they might
see a fern.
They demand that Sam kick out the gays.
“You just go up to the guys and politely ask them to leave.”
“All right, all right.”
“Sam!”
“Hey just leave me alone, I’m running a business here.”
Sam’s got a point.
If everyone leaves, he’ll lose a lot of money, maybe even his bar.
His friends are basically extorting him into being a homophobe.
In that moment, capitalism is winning over tolerance.
But not for long -- there’s another twist when Sam goes to tell them to leave.
They recognize him from the news coverage about his friend, Tom, and they remember that
Sam stood by him.
“That took a lot of guts.”
“Yeah.
Um.”
In that moment, Sam realizes that if he gives in to the mob, he’s not only betraying his
friend, but betraying his own values about what he wants Cheers to be.
He turns around, and instead of kicking the guys out, he buys them a round.
The regulars are furious, but this time he has the nerve to stand up to them.
“Ok Sam you know what kind of bar this could turn into.”
“It’s not going to turn into the kind of bar that I have to throw people out of.”
“That was the noblest preposition you’ve ever dangled.”
Now the gang is desperate, and so they turn to trickery.
When Sam and Dianne step out of the room, the regulars convince the other guys that
the bar is about to close.
They leave, and the gang declares victory.
But there’s one twist left.
Turns out, those guys weren’t gay.
The gay patrons were actually with the regulars the whole time.
“They, along with myself, have had a wonderful time watching you make complete idiots of
yourselves.
Yeah, the guys I was talking about are still here.
Right guys?”
“Right.”
“Better than Vera.”
Cut to black, end of episode.
It’s a cute little ending, but I do find myself wondering.
Okay, now what?
Was that the kiss that broke the curse of homophobia?
Did the actual gay guys leave after that?
I have to say, I wouldn’t want to come back to Cheers after everyone’s made it so clear
how unwelcome I am.
Now, I’m a former Boston resident myself.
I lived just down the street from the Cheers bar, and I’m pretty sure there were plenty
of other dives in Boston where gays wouldn’t have to worry about being tricked into leaving.
Just in 1983, there was the 1270, Ramrod, Buddies, Pipeline.
Club Cafe opened that year, it’s one of the only ones still around.
Queer bars like these have a long history of being vital safe places for people who
were in danger if they congregated anywhere else.
You can trace that history back to the Molly Bars of the 1700s, to Slide in New York in
the 1890s, and then to the start of the modern gay liberation movement at Cooper’s, and
Compton’s, and Stonewall -- places where queer patrons rose up in resistance after
police tried to break up what little refuge they had.
When you could arrested for making eye contact, or a whole gang of men could gang up on you
based on just the suspicion you might be gay, well, queer bars were for centuries a refuge
from the very behavior we're seeing in this episode.
And watching Cheers now, I’m struck by the weird inversion that we have today, with gay
bars are afraid of too many straight customers.
The fear now is that all those safe places, those refuges for the community, could be
ruined and made unwelcoming if too many heterosexuals barge in and start, I don’t know, hanging
up moose heads or whatever it is they do.
And I mean is it any wonder queer people have that concern, given how straight people have
behaved in the past?
Like I said at the beginning, this episode was a huge risk.
Cheers was brand new, it was getting terrible ratings, and it was almost cancelled.
But then this episode earned an Emmy nomination for outstanding writing.
It won a WGA award for best screenplay.
And after that, the ratings started to pick.
And within a year, it became a huge hit.
Now I’m not saying that the gays single-handedly saved Cheers, but I am saying you’re welcome.
Land ho, thanks for cruising along with us.
And thanks to everyone who makes Culture Cruise possible with a pledge of support on Patreon!
If you’re enjoying Culture Cruise, head on over to patreon.com/mattbaume to check
out the rewards for backers like early ad free access, stickers, books, and more.
Now if you’ll excuse me I’ve got to go feed the ferns.
“Feed me.”