Matt: Stop me if you've been in this situation before. You're talking to a woman
that you really like, everything's going well.
And then all of a sudden you completely run out of things to say,
and the conversation falls flat.
Cue the painfully awkward silence. You're standing there holding your beer,
like a dumb. Meanwhile,
she walks off and starts laughing at some other guy's jokes. When I was younger,
this happened to me all the fricking time. I had no idea what to talk about.
As soon as I started a conversation with a woman,
especially if she was really attractive, it was like,
my mind just completely went blank and I would desperately reach for
something to talk about. In fact, I remember in high school,
my buddy Jason was really excited cause he met the whole group of hot skater
girls who were a year younger than us. And right before he introduced me,
he said, Matt, make sure not to say anything stupid.
And so I remember hanging out with them for the first time,
just kind of standing there outside. It was cold outside.
And I'm just like having no idea what to talk about.
So one of the girls said, let's go inside. It's really cold here. And I said,
something really bad about how girls, you know,
get hard when it's cold outside.
And they all just looked at each other and then they just scattered.
And my buddy, Jason looked at me and he's like, what the heck? Dude,
girls actually liked you until you open your mouth. Oh,
that was just like a knife jabbed into my heart because I knew it was true.
But today is your lucky day because I'm going to show you how to never make this
mistake
For me,
never running out of things to say to women comes down to four main things that
all have one single principle at the core.
Number one bad conversations. Aren't always your fault.
It doesn't matter if you're Robert Downey, Jr.
If she's boring and has terrible conversation skills,
your conversation is going to implode no matter how hot you think she is.
And it's not your fault. But chasing this kind of girl is look, man,
the longer you chase women that have awful conversation skills,
the longer you're going to struggle with conversations that go nowhere.
I used to do this a ton and all it did was make me super needy.
The hotter she was, the more I thought I had to have her,
no matter how bad her personality was,
this slowly eroded my confidence because every time I chased her,
rather than a woman with a good personality that actually interested me,
I was telling myself deep down that what I thought and what I
felt really didn't matter. And all that mattered was how hot she was.
In other words, I was putting myself second and her way up on a pedestal.
This is important because it's literally the simplest fix to never running out
of things to say. And most guys never think of it.
We're so busy trying to figure out how to get her that most guys never stop.
And that a conversation requires two people making an effort to actually work.
So ask yourself,
why are you wasting time talking to a woman that you don't even enjoy talking
to? Who doesn't offer anything interesting except nice boobs.
Is it because you're genuinely interested in her or is it because you think that
banging her will make you feel better about yourself?
Spoiler alert it won't but putting yourself
first will, which brings me to number two,
stop worrying about being likable.
The biggest enemy that you'll face when it comes to having things to say to her
is trying to make sure she likes you, which causes a very serious problem.
Your internal filter setting gets dialed up to an 11.
And so you become super critical of everything that you want to say to her
because you think that everything that you say to her,
it has to be so witty and funny and perfect.
So you end up saying nothing. If you have the awkward silence in 3, 2, 1,
not only that,
but whatever you do end up saying becomes tailored to her instead of
you. So not only do you end up saying next to nothing,
but whatever you do say is just a bunch of brown nosing.
I fell into this trap. Big time.
I would try to figure out whatever women were into and then try to thread it
into the conversation. Oh my God, I love sex in the city. Oh my God, Samantha,
she's such a slot so that she would go, oh wow, I like that too.
And then they would magically just fall in love with me and guess what she
thought it was. Okay. But not much more.
When I finally got sick of being such a suck up and started
actually disagreeing with her, it actually became a hell of a lot.
Easier to build chemistry. Instead of trying to make her like me.
I became more concerned whether I even liked her or not.
I cannot stress how much of a difference this makes.
Next time you catch yourself thinking, I'll just say this.
And then she'll like me stop. You're being a suck up, man.
And you need to cut it out. Stop putting yourself second, by the way, man,
make sure to subscribe to this channel and follow me on Instagram.
Send me a DM because I'd love to chat with you.
And I do reply to all of my DMS. All right, let's get back to the video.
Number three, have strong opinions. A long time ago,
I saw a guy passionately rant about how every child should be raised by a
mother and a father, his audience,
a married lesbian couple I winced and thought this is going to blow up into a
huge argument. But it didn't far from being enraged.
The lesbian couple was actually hanging off of every word. He said,
despite the fact that they obviously didn't agree.
Another time I saw a guy in English class explode into a rant about how
Shakespeare sucked. Most people didn't agree,
but just about everybody there listened.
His opinion was so passionate and contrary to everything they've heard before
that they couldn't help, but want to listen.
It was from examples like this that I realized how important strong opinions
are. And I really believe that this is 10 times more important when it comes to
dating.
It's very counterintuitive because agreeing with everything she says on the
surface, I mean, that seems like the best way to get her to like you, right?
But all it really does is create a feeling of normalcy where
she doesn't feel anything for you because conflict and passion make you
her and everyone around you feel something.
And it's the exact reason that everybody was captivated by the two ranting guys
that I mentioned earlier.
If you disagree with her or have a contrary opinion about something by
all means, man, say it. If you feel it and you believe it,
even if you think it'll prevent her from wanting to hook up with you,
just say it, just say it. Why wouldn't you,
do you really think that your opinion is not worth saying?
Or do you believe that your perspective matters?
Because it does and there's women out there that want to hear it. Number four,
don't be afraid of silence.
Have you ever been in a conversation that died and then you're both just sitting
there with nothing to say. So what did you do?
Did you just say nothing or did you start rabbiting out words at a thousand
miles per hour? [inaudible] doesn't really help does it.
You're just left feeling kind of childish and looking unconfident and insecure.
I know because that was me. I hated silence.
I thought silence would equal her losing all attraction for me,
whatever little attraction she had.
I thought it somehow reflected on me that I was boring or they thought it was
lame. And they just wanted me to shut the hell up. But here's the truth.
No matter how charismatic you are,
the conversation is going to go silent sevens to everyone from Robert Downey Jr.
To Craig Ferguson. And you're no exception, but most importantly,
why do you feel like you have to fill silences? Why are you so afraid of them?
What do you think they say about you?
It's not the 11th commandment thou shall fill silence. And to be honest,
you shouldn't because, and you should probably write this down.
Attraction happens in the silence.
Silence can build sexual tension faster than anything else.
Silence is when you go for the kiss. Now,
if it's not the right time to go for the kiss,
there's a moment of silence early in the interaction. Well, think about this.
Who are the people that you actually feel comfortable in? The silence,
your friends and family.
You're not constantly talking the entire time when you're around them. Are you?
No, of course not. There's moments of silence,
but you guys are comfortable around each other.
So if you can be comfortable in the silence,
even when it's a woman that you just started a conversation with,
it can create a feeling that she's on that same level of somebody that you
feel really close to because you're just not worried about closing every
little gap of silence there's of silence.
So what becomes a joke and you guys just laugh at it or you just call it out.
There's a, you know, 5, 10, 20 second moment of silence. You can just say,
well, I guess that was one of those awkward moments of silence.
And then that can become the topic of conversation. You can say,
you seem pretty confident in moments of silence.
Is that something that you had to practice or is it something that comes natural
to that actually can turn into a pretty interesting conversation?
The key takeaway here is silence is your friend.
Just own the silence.
Now you may have noticed that these four principles all have one thing in
common. If you want to never run out of things to say to her,
you got to put yourself first.
If you think her looks are more important than how you genuinely enjoy the
conversation with her, your conversations will slowly grow Dole and die.
If you think that her liking you is more important than how you think and feel
your conversations will become bland and die.
If you think your opinions aren't worth hearing your conversations will become
uninteresting. And I,
if you think that silence reveals how much you suck,
your conversations will become awkward, embarrassing as you guessed,
it they'll die. In other words, if you put yourself second,
your conversations will become second as well. Now I know what you're thinking.
You thought this was a video. That's going to tell you exactly what to say.
When you run out of things to say, well, don't worry, man.
I still got you covered. I'm going to give you a free copy of my conversation,
cheat sheet that tells you exactly what to say and what to do when you see a
beautiful woman that you want to start talking to so that you can do it in the
most confident, charming, and attractive way possible.
How to keep the conversation going in a way that makes her chase you and what to
do and what to say on date so that your dates are a lot more fun and memorable.
And you'll pretty much always get a second date to download the cheat sheet.
There's a link down in the description and I'll put a link at the end of this
video to the right of the screen in just a second. And by the way, if you know,
your issue is a lot deeper than just sometimes you forget what to say.
Your mind goes blank, but you actually have deep rooted insecurities,
limiting beliefs or blocks that are holding you back from meeting attracting and
dating your dream woman.
Then instead of just watching a bunch of YouTube videos,
why don't you actually take action and do something that will actually transform
your life? What you need is a lot more than just information.
You need total transformation from a coach, a mentor,
someone who can see your blind spots and help you out and fix your issues in
the fastest time possible.
So you stop wasting time and you can finally have the dating life that you
always imagined. So check out our live workshop schedule.
There's a link down in the description and apply for a free breakthrough
session. And we'll see if you're a good fit for our coaching program. Again,
the link is down in the description.
I make sure to follow me on Instagram because not only do I show you a bunch of
my approaches in the stories,
but every once in a while I go live and I approach women in real life and
anything can happen.
Plus I'd love to hear from you just send me a DM and let's chat.
I do reply to all of my DMS. And if you liked this video,
give me one of these and leave a comment down below.
Let me know if you have any conversational tricks or techniques that you use
when you run out of things to say and make sure to subscribe to this channel.
If you're not already subscribed my name's Matt Artisan from The Attractive Man,
and I'll see you hopefully at a bootcamp soon. And in the meantime,
I'll see you down below in the next video.