-Now I know we like to have fun on the show,
but today I actually want to talk
about something kind of personal,
and I'm sort of hoping that through sharing it with you,
I can maybe get some closure
and, well, make some amends.
So, in high school,
I did something I am not too proud of. I --
[ Applause ]
Um... Okay.
So, when I was a senior in high school,
a friend and I decided to ditch school during lunch
to go drink vodka in the woods and --
[ Applause ]
I'm sorry. What's going on? I'm sorry. Steve --
Steve, is someone hitting the "applause" button?
-You bet, Seth. -Yeah, it's just
I'm trying to have a serious moment up here.
Why would you think I want applause?
-Well, we got your note about wanting your nephew Derrick
to help out with the applause response.
And it's got your signature and everything.
-[ Applause ] -Alright. You know what?
Derrick! Derrick! Get over here!
-Ooh! -Get over here, Derrick!
I am really sorry about this, everyone.
My 14-year-old nephew Derrick is in town,
and I told his mom I'd look after him,
but it looks like I can't keep him
out of my sight for five seconds.
So now he has to sit with me here at the desk
where he can't get into any trouble.
-Hey, Uncle Seth. Nice nose job.
-I didn't get a nose job.
-Yeah, well, maybe you should.
-[ Click ] -[ Cheers and applause ]
-Give me this.
How long is this cord? That was not cool, man.
That was very disrespectful of you, Derrick.
-Oh, I'm sorry.
I guess I just thought
if I could make people laugh like you do,
then maybe you'd respect me.
[ Audience awws ]
I'm sorry. I'm just such a dumb jerk.
-Derrick. No. Look, man.
I do. I do respect you. And you're not a dumb jerk.
And, actually, you know what? I think you could
learn something from the story I'm about to tell, so...
how does that sound?
-Ehh. -Okay. Great.
So, anyways, me and Robbie went to the woods
to drink vodka out of a water bottle and --
[ Audience "oohs" ]
[ Laughter ]
But, um, I drank a little too much.
[ Audience "ahhs" ]
Okay. What's up?!
-I hacked your soundboard with this app that I made
in my computers class. Isn't that cool?
[ Laughter ]
[ Sloop! Splat! Fart! ]
[ Laughter ]
-Do you really think that's appropriate?
[ Laughter ]
[ Fart! ]
[ Fart! Fart! ]
[ Laughter ]
[ Fart! ]
-Wait. Come on.
Uncle Seth, it's supposed to be a comedy show.
Everyone's having a great time.
Is everybody having a good time?
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Stop it! Stop it!
Derrick, I don't get what's going on.
We used to be pals.
Remember that time I took you to the Franklin Institute
and we ate astronaut ice cream
and we walked around the giant human heart?
-I mean, what happened to that kid I knew?
-Well, to be honest, I guess it's just...
I don't -- I don't get to hang out with you that much.
And every time I do, you're always so busy
with your "late-night talk show."
-Yeah.
-I think I just acted out 'cause I wanted attention.
I know that sounds super-lame.
-No, no, it's not lame, Derrick.
And I'm sorry I haven't had a lot of time lately, but I --
I actually had some big plans for us after the show.
-No way! You're gonna teach me to drive?!
-Yeah, just like I always promised.
Your mom said I could take you to the Costco parking lot.
-No, but --
Uncle Seth, you're the coolest ever!
You know, I got something for you.
-Oh. You did? Yeah. What is it?
-It's a scrapbook of all the times we hung out, but...
No. It's super dumb. Just forget it.
-No, Derrick, that sounds like an incredibly thoughtful gift.
I would love to see it.
But I do have to say, in the past,
every single time you've told me you have something to show me,
you'd reach into your backpack
and then you'd pull out your hand
and you'd give me the middle finger.
[ Laughter ]
-Uncle Seth, I promise it's not that.
-Okay.
[ Laughter ]
Oh. Oh, my God.
"Derrick & Uncle Seth." You did make a book.
This is -- This is incredible, Derrick.
Oh, my God! It's pictures of us!
Here we are getting astronaut ice cream.
This is amazing!
-Just turn to the last page.
-Oh, my God. Of course. I totally will.
You're a bad kid, Derrick. You're a bad kid.
-That's for you. -Yeah. I know. You're a bad kid.