Look how pretty my name is.
I could barely pronounce it.
Oh, this is perfect.
The city is perfect, by the way.
This is the most perfect city.
I went to the CVS to get hair care product
and I saw the largest black hair care section in my life.
( cheers and applause )
I was just sitting there like, "Did I die and go to black heaven?
I do not want to leave this place."
Oh. I wanted to actually start off
by sincerely apologizing to everyone.
I did my best to look decent,
but I ended up looking amazing.
Look at this suit. It's new. I like it. It's nice.
- ( cheering ) - Thank you.
I know it.
I look like a mannequin that came to life.
Thank you.
Want to start off by letting you know that I am gay as hell.
I'm great at it.
I do a great job.
I was sitting there being black,
and I was like, "You know what?
Give me another thing.
I got it.
Come on over."
I'm also African, thoroughbred from the source.
Thank you so much.
Thank you.
I came to America when I was a little diva.
It was also the first time I ever saw a white person.
And my immediate thought was, "It's a black ghost.
This country's filled with apparitions."
Oh, man. I have been gay for quite some time.
I came out when I was 18, back in the year 2000,
you know, before it was cool.
I told my parents I was gay.
They both, uh, very traditional African immigrants,
so I don't recommend doing that.
Write them a letter. They can't read.
But I told them I was gay and my dad got very upset.
I don't know if it was because I said I was gay,
or that I sang the entirety of "Papa Don't Preach" immediately afterwards.
It's a much longer song than you think it is.
But he got very mad.
And he said the most cliché thing you can say in that situation.
He said, "God hates gay people."
I was like, "Tight."
I'm an Atheist.
( cheers and applause )
Telling me God hates gay people is like telling me a leprechaun hates my suit.
I don't believe in leprechauns.
Also, this is a shitty leprechaun 'cause this is a dope-ass suit.
You need to hang out with better leprechauns.
But if I did subscribe to religion,
that was something I truly believed in.
You're essentially telling me that God hates me,
yet he made me look like a perfect angel.
Look up and down, find a flaw. I woke up like this. There's none.
There's none. Look at the legs.
You have to fire them 'cause they don't fucking quit.
( cheers and applause )
Do you see this thigh gap?
It's natural. I've done nothing to earn it.
I can fit everyone's secrets in here.
Just throw 'em in. I got plenty of space.
And have you seen other gay people? Jesus Christ.
Like I'm a straight ten, for sure a gay four.
It is tough competition.
However, the other side of the spectrum,
homophobes.
The ugliest group of people you've ever seen in your entire life.
The homeliest-looking haters
to come into fruition.
We're talking about Donald Trump.
He looks like lactose intolerance turned into a person.
Steve Bannon.
He looks like he tried to cure his skin cancer with whiskey.
And then there's that clerk from Kentucky
that wasn't marrying gay couples.
What was her name? Kimberly Davis.
God spent zero time on her.
Didn't even let the mold set.
Like, "Get your hateful ass outta here!"
That's where I am as an adult.
I no longer develop intelligent arguments towards hate.
I just go, "You ugly," and then I moonwalk away.
Oh.