- Have you heard me talk about my new Ellen slot machines?
[cheers and applause] All right.
They're fun, you can win a whole lot of money,
and they're in a bunch of casinos right now.
In honor of my new slots,
two of my writers, Kevin and Lauren,
went to Las Vegas to find me a birthday present.
They went all out for me.
They went to the Aria Resort & Casino.
It's a five-star, five-diamond resort
right in the heart of The Strip.
Let's see what they got me.
[upbeat music]
- Good evening. Welcome to Aria.
How are you today? - Checking in tonight.
- Okay. - We just got engaged.
- Oh, congratulations.
- Is there any kind of upgrade we could do
if we just got engaged
and we're, like, so in love with each other?
- Love with each other.
- Let me go ahead and check. Congratulations.
- Thank you so much. - We got engaged.
- We can't keep our little paws off each other,
so if we could get an upgrade that would be wonderful.
- Okay, anything else that I can assist you with?
- No, we are in love, and we are engaged forever.
- And ever.
We're on a mission.
- They gave us this much money
to buy Ellen DeGeneres a birthday present.
- She's gonna get the best present.
- Ever.
We're gonna shop all night. - Yeah.
- We should stay hydrated.
- Cheers. - To Ellen.
- Yay.
- Craig, do you wanna hear a fun fact?
- Yes, sir.
- Lauren can fit one of them ice balls
in her mouth right now.
[laughs]
- We have to stay on track and get Ellen her birthday present.
- After this one. - In a second, in one second.
- She would really like this. - Mm-hmm.
- But the problem is, like,
why get a couples massage if we're so far apart?
You know?
- Yeah, mm-hmm.
Oh, God, no!
- I can't believe on our engagement...
- Hello. Welcome to Tom Ford.
- Hi. I'm Lauren. - Lovely to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
- Just so you know, we are not engaged.
Ellen wouldn't want us to be in these rags
for her birthday show.
- No, this is disgusting. This is--No, not at all.
[rock music]
- Thank you for making me look so much better than her.
- See you later. Bye.
- But seriously, we do need to get Ellen a present.
- We have $300 left. - Okay.
All right, that's plenty.
Okay, we're shopping for a gift for our boss.
- Oh, my gosh, that's so pretty.
- Oh, that's beautiful.
How much for this one?
- This one's 5,700.
- Okay. - Okay.
- We will think about that one. - Sure.
- [singing] Well, I need a dollar, dollar
Dollar is what I need.
- Put it down, put it down, put it down, put it down.
- [singing] Dollar is what I need.
- Gorgeous.
I think she would really like that.
- This one is 146,000.
Yes.
- [singing] It's been a long old trouble.
- Looky, looky!
- Come on, Ellen! - No Whammies!
Whoo-hoo!
- Oh, my gosh, we can buy her the nicest stuff.
- Oh, my. This is exactly what we needed.
Should I cash out or keep going?
- Keep going! - Keep going!
[whispered] I made a mistake.
[bell chimes]
- Hey, guy.
- Hello, I'm Jason, your butler. How are you?
- Hi, Jason. Thank you for coming.
- How are you? - Good. What can I do for you?
- Jason, we know something
that's gonna make Ellen really happy,
and we have an idea. - Okay.
- [inaudible whispering]
- Absolutely. Let me make that happen.
- Thank you. - Thank you!
Wanna kiss? - Just a hug.
- Okay. - We did it.
[cheers and applause]
- I love them so much.
So here's what they were whispering about.
Kevin and Lauren know that what makes me happy
is making all of you happy.
So for my birthday you're all gonna try
Aria's amazing bars and restaurants
with world-class chefs,
two tickets to Aria's Cirque du Soleil show,
$300 of free play for my Ellen slot machines,
and a three-day, two-night stay
at the Aria Resort & Casino.
- [singing] A little less conversation
A little more action please
All this aggravation
Ain't satisfactioning me
A little more bite, and a little less bark.
- We'll be back.
- [singing] Close your heart
And open up your heart and baby satisfy me
Satisfy me, baby.