Hey, guys, we just finished watching the latest episode
of "Married at First Sight."
And we have a lot of thoughts, so let's get into it.
I feel like I have the most minimum [bleep] requirements.
JAMIE OTIS-HEHNER: Taylor and her Instagram post.
[sighs]
No bueno.
[whistling]
BOTH: [imitates explosion]
First of all, women ain't sane.
Like, first of-- whoa, whoa, OK.
We are perfectly fine.
My bad, yeah.
It was just a whole cluster-cluster-[bleep]
This whole thing.
I guess I'll just be single forever.
ASHLEY PETTA: Taylor's requirements--
6' 3"-plus, he has to have a nice eggplant.
What is a nice eggplant?
I mean--
You talking about length or girth?
Oh my god.
As long as the [bleep] is good.
That's what you said?
Yeah.
I mean, hey, that's all we-- that's all we want.
No, that's not what y'all want.
- Well-- - Y'all want insurance.
--you know, a few more things.
Y'all want men's souls.
Insurance is nice.
ANTHONY D'AMICO: If you can sit on an eggplant, that's--
Oh my god.
That's-- that's a big piece of apparatus there.
[laughs]
You ever seen an eggplant?
Those [bleep] things are huge.
[laughter]
I hope he sees this video because it's about him.
It honestly wasn't about any-- it had nothing to do with him.
DOUG HEHNER: The fact that she thinks it's a funny video--
Not funny, Taylor.
--that has nothing to do with Brandon,
that just is delusional.
ELIZABETH BICE: It's very vindictive.
JAMIE THOMPSON: Yeah.
And as I have a little hint of vindictive--
You?
--personality--
No.
--I deep down inside know--
No.
--that was not a joke.
KRISTINE KILLINGSWORTH: I'm single,
and I need you to meet these minimums.
Like, you're married, ma'am.
That's [bleep] up.
I'm not going to stay in this house with her.
ASHLEY PETTA: I think Brandon's decision to move out
was probably rash, but I probably
would have done the same thing.
JAMIE OTIS-HEHNER: Just stay in the house.
And-- - No.
--she's not fighting fair.
That was a real low blow, but, like--
No, you don't stay for that.
Really?
Nooo.
Oh, I think you stay--
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I don't feel like I should reach
out to Brandon because I-- he's not talking to me.
She doesn't even have any remorse for what she does.
That's what bothers me is she's just like, well,
why would I reach out to him?
And it's like, do you realize what--
Bitch, because you [bleep] said that [bleep]
on social media about it.
It's mean.
So I decided to actually not go
with the principal job at the Catholic school.
ASHLEY PETTA: Michael and Meka.
Seeing them be fine and then implode like that
was a little ridiculous.
I just didn't really feel comfortable with what
they were asking me to do.
What?
Like, I'm sorry, I just can't.
ELIZABETH BICE: I think once a liar, always a liar.
I thought Michael's job explanation was [bleep]..
I don't feel 100% comfortable with you yet.
ELIZABETH BICE: I don't know why he has
to put up a front like that.
It's very stupid.
He-- he puts it up like he doesn't quite trust her,
but he's definitely leaving some details out of that story.
DOUG HEHNER: I tell you what though, she took out the weave,
she doesn't care about him anymore.
It does not mean that.
[laughter]
I'm going to make you talk about your love past first.
ELIZABETH BICE: What do you think about Jessica and Austin?
I think they're on the path to love.
How long were you together before you said "I love you"?
A year.
I just can't rush into that type of word.
ELIZABETH BICE: I'm totally against putting
a timeline on love.
I just--
I mean, we're a bad story.
I mean, it took us four days.
Four whole days.
Six months to a year--
Is fair.
I think it's kind of a long time.
I mean, it only took you eight weeks
to tell me that you loved me.
When I see you, I do want to, like, kind of, hold you,
I guess.
Hug me, Jessica.
I just want Jessica to hug me.
ELIZABETH BICE: I think Austin's in love,
and he's just being scared right now.
I really do think he really loves Jess.
Oh, I get a hug, huh?
Just a little one.
ELIZABETH BICE: When you guys matched Jess and Austin,
you helped the universe align correctly.
Have you been told by any of these doctors
how much you're overthinking everything?
Sure.
I think it's about time that Zach finally
heard from a woman's point of view about this
because everybody else can see how lonely Mindy must feel,
and he's just making her even more lonely.
I do feel bad for her being there by yourself right now.
ASHLEY PETTA: I feel like Zach either needs
to just quit or give it his 100% and actually try.
I am able to put my wife on my health insurance as well.
ELIZABETH BICE: Derek is halfway to love,
and he doesn't even know yet.
OK.
ASHLEY PETTA: I get it.
I got married for health insurance.
[record scratches] - You did?
And then come to find out he didn't even
have it at the time.
We're so married.
I love it.
The fact that he looked for new places
for after the experiment and put her on his insurance
as a dependent, huge.
You can kill him, and you get everything.
[laughs] Oh my god, Doug.
That is love.
Douglas!
I'm just saying.
ELIZABETH BICE: It's just something about a man
taking care of, like, you.
It's just a good feeling.
Aww.
Yeah, I know it's something small, but it feels good.
Yeah?
Yeah.
OK.
That's all we have for this episode of "Couples Couch."
Thank you for watching.
We'll see you next time.
[music playing]