♪♪
- Welcome back.
Coming up, has your dog been applying to college?
Find out if this disturbing social media trend
among American pets is leaving you with a tuition bill.
- But first, we're headed over to Roger Jennings,
who is coming to us live
from the Middlebury County Science Fair.
Roger, sounds like quite the hustle and bustle over there.
- It sure is, Chuck.
I am here at the Middlebury County Science Fair
where the brightest young minds
from across the state have congregated.
The competition is fierce and I've gotta tell ya,
Chuck and Dana, I am very impressed.
- [high-pitched] Hello.
- He's right behind me, isn't he?
Everyone, it looks like we found our old friend, David.
- It's David Wayne Starr with a double r.
Although sometimes the kids at school
call me something else, but I can't say it on television
without your station being fined.
But I can whisper it in your ear.
- No, that's okay.
-[whispering] Jaba-bo-batta-bo-too.
- I see you still like Star Wars, David.
- I love Star Wars!
Thomas Pope Joyce said The Last Jedi was garbage,
but I disagree.
I thought it really changed up the universe,
and I really appreciate the nuanced approach
of writer/director Ryan Johnson.
- How old are you now, David?
- I'm 14.
- Wow, your voice hasn't changed.
- That's okay, my teacher said a few years ago,
everyone was all about change,
but now they just want to make things great again.
- Okay, well we're gonna go look at some of the experiments, so.
- Hey, do you want to do a science experiment right now?
- Sure, okay.
[silence]
Is this the experiment?
- Yeah, you didn't do too well, most people talk sooner,
you might have a social disorder.
- You think I have a social disorder?
- Oh,
it's nothing to be ashamed of, it's like my dad always says,
"I'm not ashamed of you,
but can you walk 30 feet behind me
and not call me dad in public?"
He's not into labels.
- Okay, David,
well we're gonna go look at some of the projects, now.
Um, this one looks pretty cool.
I wonder who this one belongs to?
I'm just wonder--
- It's mine.
- Oh, great.
Give me strength.
Um, tell us about the experiment, David.
- Oh, um, uh, I used the scientific method
to gather information and data to determine
which child has the most favor in my parents' eyes.
- What were the results, David?
- I came in third.
- Oh, that's not too bad, that's a bronze.
How many siblings do you have?
- One.
- Okay.
- But, but we have a dog, he was polling ahead of me.
- I see.
- Well, you know what they say, you can't trust the polls.
Or science.
- Is that what they say?
I'm sure your parents are very proud of you, David.
- Yeah, they say they wish they could be,
but pride is a sin.
- I feel like maybe you need a hug or something?
- Mr. Jennings, don't make this weird.
- Right.
[clears throat]
- And besides, it doesn't matter,
if I keep basing my worth on external validation,
I might never find it,
but as long as I keep trying hard and always do my best,
well, that's all I can do,
and no one can take that away from me.
- Wow, that was surprisingly inspiring.
- I'm full of surprises,
unlike that basic Thomas Pope Joyce.
- What'd you say about me?
- I didn't say anything.
Get him away from me.
You scrony dopod, sleemo.
- Okay.
Any parting last words, David?
- Yeah, if you want to be your parents second favorite child,
you have to kill your dog.
- Okay, nope [indistinct].
[cheering]
- Thanks everyone for watching this sketch.
David, what should these people do next?
- I think everyone should like, subscribe, comment,
and share.
- Yeah, anything else, David?
- There's a 50% off sale on Tommy Hilfiger shirts
at Herberger's in the Aberdeen Mall.
- Okay, uh, thank you?