So I've actually already told this story in my channel before as, like, oooold school fans might remember,
but back then I had no idea what I was doing, no sense of editing or pacing or really, like, any redeemable qualities whatsoever.
And now that I'm apparently an "animation channel",
I thought it might be a good idea to go revisit some old classics.
Now this story happened a couple years ago, back when I was young and full of dreams.
I'd tried some online dating here and there,
but nothing really, you know, clicked. Tinder had been around for a little bit at this point,
but it wasn't quite as ubiquitous as it is now. I thought, "Ehhhh, why not give it a shot?
I mean, what's the worst that could happen, heh, right guys?"
After about -- I want to say, like, a week or so -- I matched with this girl who was, well...
let's just say that she was my type. Like really, really my type. I mean, I was like,
[hideous gasp]
...or something. I really hope I didn't make that noise.
Anyway, so we get to talking and chatting about this and that and things are going pretty well.
Now she seems cool, and definitely not like someone who's gonna... well, you know, I won't ruin it.
Just sit back. Grab some popcorn, kids, sit back. You're in for a ride.
Finally, after a couple of days we decided we should meet. And I was thinking,
"Okay, my first Tinder date seems like a cool girl.
Psshh, all those Tinder horror stories aren't true. People just lying for attention.
Who even does that, you know, just lie on the Internet? Who would do such a thing?"
So the day comes and I'm excited and anxious and all that kind of stuff.
I mean, whenever you meet anyone from online, it's always kind of a crapshoot of like,
"Well, they might be normal or they might try to skin me alive."
Eh.
We meet at a cafe,
you know, somewhere brightly lit, public, with more than one exit. Pro tip for you kids.
On the way, I was looking at her profile pictures and I was like, "Oh man! First spin I hit the jackpot."
And so I walk in, and I've tried to find her, and I see her.
Now, I'm not really sure how to describe this.
Like, it wasn't like a catfish or anything, 'cause it was her, just, like...
okay, you know when you see pictures of food at McDonald's, and then you order it, and it
kiiiinda looks like the picture? Like, you can tell that you got what you ordered, but, like,
the picture looks like this. But in real life it looks like this.
You know, like, all the parts are there, just not quite as advertised.
This is a really weird analogy.
She, like, didn't quite look like what I was led to believe she would look like.
And no, before you say -- no, it wasn't just makeup or wasn't like angle manipulation or whatever,
it was like if you ever looked for an apartment or something, and you see pictures,
it looks really awesome,
then you go to check it out, and you're like,
"Oh... hmm."
But you know, I don't want to be like a shallow jerk,
you know, the one who's like, "Ugh, no,"
so I thought, "Well, I'm already here. She's already here.
Let's just have some dinner, nice conversation, and you know,
I'll just keep an open mind." But you know when you consciously try to act normal,
but you just come across, like, way too overly enthusiastic about everything?
"Ha ha! Nothing out of the ordinary here, no sir, no ma'am.
You like marbles?"
So we sit and I remember the conversation being nice, I guess.
I don't really remember what it is we talked about specifically because I was too busy trying not to look like
what I probably looked like. I do remember when we talked about our jobs.
And I remember she said, "I do Photoshop." And I was like, "Huh, you don't say!"
Now immediately, she could read my mind. She said, "Oh, but don't worry,
I didn't Photoshop any of my profile pictures." And I was like, "Pfff, uh huh, yeah"
So after a while, she said, "Do you want to come over to my place for some dessert?"
Now...
[sighs]
I didn't want to do that. I wanted to go home.
That's the thing about me. I'll let you guys in on a little secret here, okay?
If you ask me what I want to do, the answer is: I'd like to stay home, please.
Like 9 out of 8 times. But again, I didn't want to be rude.
I mean, she knew that she wasn't quite the girl in the profile picture,
and I knew, and now she knew that I knew, but I didn't want to make her feel bad,
you know, because I'm such a nice guy. So I say, "Yes!"
which is a dumb idea, but well, here we are.
We get to her apartment and I remember the building itself was like super pink, which is weird.
I mean, it's weird anywhere, but especially in Tokyo where every building is gray or brown. It really stood out.
Yeah, I should probably mention for those of you new people here, I've been living in Japan for like 11 years now.
You know, I don't we expect you all to go through my entire backlog. In fact, probably not a good idea.
Anyway, we get to her door. She turns to me and says,
"Just so you know, I really like Disney's Rapunzel."
Now, this is a really random thing to say. I mean, it's an alright movie.
It's like a 7 out of 10, I guess. It's fine.
But anyway, we go inside and...
Oh boy.
I was not ready for the level of Rapunzel in this apartment. Literally everything was Rapunzel, or some shade of purple and gold.
Everything.
Every cup, every plate, every thing. And taking this all in, the only thing I could say was:
Huh.
It was then I also learned, due to a variety of sensations, that she had a cat.
Now here's another pro tip, kids.
If you have a cat and you invite someone over, you should probably tell them you have a cat, okay?
Now, I have no problem with cats,
but I also learned that night that she doesn't clean the litter box. At all. Literally, I watched her do this:
she just sprays Febreze around aimlessly and calls it a day.
There was a door in the back of the room, and I pointed to it and I asked, "What's in there?"
She gave this weird, like, giggle-laugh thing and said, "It's just storage," and then paused for a few seconds.
"Do you want to see?"
At this point, I was thinking to myself, "Pfff, how much worse could this possibly get?"
Here's a pro tip, kids.
Don't ever ask that question.
She opens the door and we walk in. Now, you won't believe what I'm about to tell you.
You're gonna sit there watching your screen or your phone and you're gonna think to yourself,
"Okay. This is some BS right here," but I swear to you,
this is real.
We go inside and there are two shelves against the wall.
On the lower shelf is every Rapunzel doll you could ever imagine, all lined up.
I mean, like, really. Every single type probably in existence.
But then, on the top shelf above these dolls, were all of the doll heads of the dolls on the lower shelves.
She, I assume, ripped the heads off of each doll and put them on a separate shelf.
As you can probably imagine, I was a little put off by this.
I wanted to be like, "Okay, that's enough for me! See you later, I'm out of here,"
but all I could say in that moment was, "Can I use your bathroom?"
So I sat there, trying to come up with some, like, 007 James Bond way of trying to sneak out a window or,
I don't know, through some air ducts or something. But then again, I didn't want to stay in the bathroom
too long or else she might think I'm taking a poop which is infinitely more embarrassing.
Okay, so I get out of the bathroom and I hear her talking,
I assume to someone or maybe like on the phone or something, right?
But then, on her coffee table -- which has the most obnoxiously large Rapunzel face on it -- I see her phone.
Hm.
Well, maybe she's talking, you know, to the cat.
Maybe she's being like, "Oh, who's the cutest little boy?" or whatever it is that cat people do.
But then, right as I thought that, almost on cue, the cat rubbed past my leg, flipped up its tail and looked at me like,
"We all float down here."
I then noticed that her voice was coming from the "storage room".
I sneak up because, you know, I don't want to interrupt her nightly bloodletting voodoo ritual or whatever.
Now, peeking in I realize that she is talking...
[clears throat]
TO THE DOLL HEADS.
[alarm sounding]
[explosion]
Okay, time to get out of here! I run to the table, I grab my coat, grab my phone,
I delete Tinder off my phone, in just one continuous motion like I was Neo escaping from the Matrix.
Luckily, I caught the second-to-last train home and somehow survived to tell you all this story.
Now, the moral of the story, kids:
don't use dating apps. Just hang out and meet new people at your local library or literally anywhere else.
Hey everybody, thanks so much watching this video, and thanks for watching the Riverdale video! That was unexpected.
I mean, that video was supposed to be just like a one-off because
I couldn't be bothered to finish season two, but I still wanted to kind of make a video about it
and so I thought, "Well, let's try something new and different."
And yeah, I thought -- I was honestly scared to post that Riverdale video because I thought everyone was gonna hate it.
I thought I was gonna get, like, maybe a thousand views and everyone was gonna be like, "What the heck is this garbage?"
and then we'd all just move on. Turns out that wasn't the case. So this video
I wanted to do kind of a more, like, normal sort of like story time animation that you see a lot of other people do.
This is a story -- like I said in the video --
I told this story, like, way at the beginning of my channel,
but, you know, that was back when I knew nothing about anything, so it's complete garbage now.
But let me know on Twitter if you liked it.
I'm not quite sure if I'm supposed to be doing animations about TV shows,
or if you guys also want to watch, like, regular-style animations, or both. Like, I'm not really sure what it is people
specifically like or don't like, so I thought I would try something new.
I thought I would try to kind of draw and animate everything on my own instead of
relying on, like, TV show footage to kind of fill the gaps or whatever.
Which, by the way, takes a lot more work than you'd think.
Anyway, thanks for watching. Please subscribe and please follow me on Twitter and all that.
Let me know if there's any type of thing you want me to talk about or TV show or movie whatever.
Let me know on Twitter and I'd be happy to do so. Thanks for watching and I'll see you all next time.