What's on with the HBO show?
Okay.
Now HBO I would think, you have a nice setup at HBO.
It's cable.
There are no censors on cable.
We actually have to, you know, we work for NBC.
You used to work for NBC.
Yes, I did.
On Seinfeld.
Yes.
Censors give you a hard time on that show?
Yeah, well, I actually had a crush on my censor.
Really?
Yeah. Because she would read the scripts
and then call me up on the phone
and she would start like, you know, talking to me.
She'd say,
"You know, we have to ah", (laughs)
"We've got five penises. We have to lose two penises."
(audience laughs)
"And we've got two labias. We've gotta lose a labia."
(Conan and audience laughs)
And we were having like this dirty talking going on,
you know,
It's turning me on right now.
and I'd say,
"Well, can I substitute a vagina for a labia?"
"Oh, oh, okay."
"Maybe you could substitute one vagina for one labia."
And you know, I was, I got so worked up,
I couldn't work the rest of the day.
(Conan and audience laughs)
Would you, I mean, so you liked talking to this woman?
Yes, I did.
I would like deliberately add in like, you know,
dirty references
just to have this conversation with her on the phone.
(Conan and audience laughs) So, she would call you.
Yeah.
Well, do you enjoy,
I mean you worked for so many years behind the camera.
Do you like being in front of the camera?
Is this enjoyable for you?
Well, you know, I'm the first bald man
to actually star in a television series
in, you know, hundreds of years, I think.
(audience laughs)
No, I can't remember the last time a bald man
has starred in a TV show.
Love Boat?
(audience laughs)
That wasn't like a half hour comedy, was it?
No. Okay. Okay. All right.
All right
So.
(Conan laughs)
Let's just dismiss Captain Stubing.
And I'm kind of surprised too,
because, you know, we bald men, we're very affable.
I'm wondering why we haven't been in more series.
We're very, we've got good personalities, you know,
and it's a little disturbing to me on some level,
I have to say.
You think that that bald men are not taken seriously?
Exactly.
People like you, you hair guys don't,
(audience and Conan laugh)
you don't,
(audience laughs) yeah, you have no respect for us at all.
Look what I can do. Yeah. I know.
Try this.
Yeah.
(audience laughs)
(laughing maniacally) Hahahahahaha!
Mwahahahaha!
Sorry.
(audience laughs)
That's all right.
It's late at night.
Of course it is. I'm not even paying attention.
(Conan laughs)
That's okay.
We're losing you viewers right now.
Wait, so you call us hair guys?
I think you hair guys don't respect us.
(Conan laughs)
You would leave us alone in a hotel room
with a woman, with your girlfriend,
without even thinking twice about it
because you don't think there's any way
we could take a girl away from you.
(Conan laughs)
It's true
'Cause I am hairman.
You're a hair guy.
(audience laughs)
Nothing's ever given me more pleasure
than taking a woman away from a hair guy.
(audience and Conan laugh)
I did that once.
You did that once?
I stole the woman out from under the nose of a hair guy.
(Conan laughs)
I was so delighted.
Aha. Does he, was he a famous hair guy?
Was it like John Davidson?
Someone with a lot of hair?
No. No, but he had a decent head.
He had a good full head.
(Conan and audience laughs)
I'm sure he did. He had a good thick head.
Okay. That's great.
Now, I don't think a lot of people know
just how much Seinfeld,
a lot of the episodes was based on your life,
things that happened in your life.
Yes. That's true.
There's an episode where George,
Well, The Contest is one that was based on my life.
The Contest?
Yes. I was in that contest. Yeah.
Master of your domain?
That was, that was something that came from your life?
I had that contest. Yeah.
How'd you do?
I won!
Oh good, good.
I did quite well.
And of course, George, I guess, sold bras.
Yeah, I did that too.
You sold bras?
Were you a good bra salesman?
(laughs) Yeah, I was great.
I sold seconds, they were, um,
(audience laughs)
they were called seconds.
What?
They were irregulars, you know,
they're cheap, (laughs) cheap, cheap bras.
They were like,
Cheap bras?
cheap bras. You know, cheap, cheap bras,
Right.
They were riddled with holes.
You know, they had,
(audience laughs)
(indistinct) of people buy 'em.
'cause they're very cheap and
(Conan laughs)
riddled with holes? They had holes in 'em
Had they been worn before?
No, this is just in the manufacturing process.
Oh, they poked a lot of holes in 'em.
Well there are different things ,
they had threads, you know, hangin'
You're starting to melt down.
Are you all right?
You just spit on me!
(audience laughs)
You're getting all worked up!
We gotta get (indistinct) on that.
He just spit on me!
When we go back to my,
Don't spit on hair guy!
(audience laughs)
That's right. You're hair guy. Take your woman away!
Well when we go back to my bra days,
it brings things up for me, you know.
I love talking about it as your bra days.
Yeah, my bra days.
Tell us about your bra days.
So they had the holes in 'em. (laughs)
Yeah. Oh good.
And I would sell them to women.
Yes. I hope to women.
(audience laughs)
Yeah. How many guys were coming around for these?
And they would go, well, the bra's got holes in it.
Well, you know, I said, well,
you're the only one who knows that,
and if you're having sex that night,
don't, you know, don't wear the bra.
Put on a different (laughs)
(Conan laughs)
put on a different (laughs)
That's the worst sales pitch I've ever heard.
Just don't wear it on sex night!
Yeah.
(audience laughs)
I'm using the same sales pitch for my show.
It's riddled with holes,
and if you're having sex that night,
don't watch it, you know.
(Conan and audience laugh)
Well, we definitely lost you some viewers tonight.
Okay, good.
Every time you come on you dig the hole deeper and deeper.
Curb Your Enthusiasm premieres this Sunday at 9.30 on HBO.
Very funny.
Thanks for doing it, Larry.
Thank you.
Good to have you, Larry David everybody. (audience cheers)