If you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans.
So I got a letter the other day from a gentleman that had gone through a really tough year.
He'd gone through a breakup, then lost one of his parents to cancer and then was fired
from his job.
The guy's in his late twenty s and he's talking about how nothing has gone according to plan.
Pretty much he had a script for his life and it now seems that that has gone out the window.
So many of you guys watching this video can relate what this young man is going through.
Give this guy a hug to let him know that he is not alone.
I know that sounds corny, but so many of us, we feel that we are alone, suffering.
And guys, that is not the case.
And that's why I'm making this video.
Because for so many of us, life does not go as we expect to go.
We've put this plan together, we've got this vision, we have these expectations, and all
of a sudden it's thrown out the window when tragedy hits.
And it's not just one.
Sometimes it's multiple again and again and we just can't seem to catch a break.
If you have gone through divorce, if you have gone through a bankruptcy, if you have failed,
you feel like your life is off track.
Today's video is for you.
First up, I want to say I do not have all the answers.
I'm going to share my experience, things that I have learned on my 46 years and being on
this planet.
But down in the comments below, I would love to hear from you guys.
And if you leave a great comment, guess what I've got a bunch of coins.
I would love to send out these challenge coins.
I love caring something like this.
It's a reminder of the man that you know yourself to be, how you can become him step by step,
every day, by living your core values.
Mine on this coin are honor, courage and commitment.
So Gents, if you want one of these coins, do me a favor.
Smash the like button.
Share the video and down in the comments.
Share with us your advice of how you deal with life when it doesn't go as planned.
Now, Gents, I'm going to be straight with you.
When I make videos like this, sometimes I feel like a bit of a fraud.
I'm not a relationship expert, I'm not a financial advisor, I'm not a psychologist.
And I sometimes wondered, what do I have to offer?
Then I'm reminded of all the things I've survived, all the things that I've gone through as a
kid.
Growing up without much money, having multiple vehicles repossessed, having our home taken
away from us, then joining the Marine Corps and having what I thought was my path to becoming
a pilot.
And again, getting knocked out because I blew out my sinuses.
And then I went to the infantry, starting multiple companies, going into a bankruptcy,
losing my sister to suicide.
I had plans.
I had these ideas of where I was going to be and in many cases I'm not where I thought
I was.
So I feel in that way, having gone through and felt that pain, having lost people, I
love.
This right here, I think, is where I'm coming from.
And hopefully that makes it so that the advice I'm giving you guys can connect with that,
you know, is sincere, is something hopefully that can help you see a little bit further
and take steps in the right direction.
So all that being said, if I was sitting in a room talking with this young man that wrote
me this letter, what I would do is just share with him the insight that I had years ago
on expectations.
So the issue with expectations is that this is an idea that we create in our head.
And if it is too high, if we are setting grand expectations, we've got high expectations.
We are really setting ourselves up in many instances for pain and suffering.
And what I mean by this is that pain and suffering is relative to what you expected.
I mean, think about in life when you had just something that was totally unexpected.
You were going into that dentist's office expecting to have cavity and it was going
to be painful and man, like it wasn't as bad.
They gave you this shot, you didn't feel anything.
That dentist, she was absolutely beautiful.
You guys had a great conversation.
In fact, you got a date this weekend.
All of a sudden that was actually the best dentist visit.
It was unexpected.
Your expectations were very low.
And all of a sudden you went into it and it was a great experience versus that job that
you took right out of college you thought was going to be perfect.
Man, they were paying you well.
It was at that dream company and all of a sudden you went in.
Within a week, you knew that something's off here.
Within a month you realized the dress, you had gone down a path.
Yeah.
You thought you wanted to be engineer.
You found yourself at that Silicon Valley startup and you realized, this is not what
I want and oh my gosh, I am trapped.
And your expectations were not met because they were so high, they were so lofty.
Now, when it comes to our life journey, most people think they're going to start here,
they're going to end up here, and there is going to be a straight line.
The reality though is the journey from point A to point B is all over the place.
Yeah.
In fact, if you're familiar with the hero's journey, you'll know that going through failure,
that going through the abyss is actually a key point to having a story worth telling.
Seriously, stick around later in the video.
I will break out the hero's journey and how you can apply this to your life.
I mean, if you think about it, everything that happened to this guy are normal things
that happen in most people's lives at some point, maybe not as close.
And that's where, unfortunately, he got a bit of bad luck here.
But most of us will go through relationships in which somebody breaks up with us.
I've had it happen to me multiple times.
I've also broken up with people.
Most of us, if life goes naturally, our parents will pass away before we do.
So we'll lose both of them at some point when it comes to jobs, maybe, yeah, most of us
are going to I've been fired multiple times, did a whole video on getting fired, which
I'll link to down in the comments.
But these are things which we can expect to happen again, maybe just not so close to each
other.
The problem is when we're mapping out our life, when we're setting the expectations
for the next 510, 20 years of where we want to be, we're leaving off those uncomfortable,
those things.
We don't really want to think about that.
Yes, at any point you could lose your parents.
At any point that relationship you could be taken for granted, it could be ended, that
job that you absolutely love and you think is secure could disappear.
So I found that what works for me to live a happy, satisfying life is to have relatively
low expectations, especially when it comes to other people.
Because how many of us have built up a friendship and we've got an idea of what it means to
be a friend?
And then we find that this person, they don't have that same ideal.
They didn't apparently read the same books.
They didn't grow up in the same way because,
yeah, a friend would not sleep with your girlfriend.
But that's what they did.
And you can't even fathom how could you do this to somebody?
Yes, you're tempted, you were attracted to their girlfriend, you're attracted to other
women, but you don't act on it.
And this is the thing.
If you just understand they have low expectations, maybe high expectations for yourself and what
you want to achieve and what you can control.
But those things that are outside of your control, especially the overall path of your
life, the journey that you're on, and understand that you'll be pleasantly surprised when you've
got lower expectations for the things that are out of your control, which includes other
people.
And most many of the situations out there in life.
Now, again, I want to be clear, I'm not making light of this man's loss and what he's gone
through.
But if you look at his expectation that life was going to be without pain, without suffering,
guys, this is normal.
It's just another with happiness, with joy, with success.
We have failure, we have the opposites.
We've got those other things and I'm not saying you can enjoy them.
I'm saying some things just don't even have a silver lining.
They are just things that we go through, we develop a scar and we find a way to move on.
Those two words right there, moving on.
It sure is easy to say, but it's difficult to do, especially when you are going through
a tough time when your life seems like it is a mess.
So the steps I'm going to give you are incredibly simple here.
They don't cost a whole lot of money.
In fact, a lot of these are absolutely free for me, I find first up, just working out.
Yes, going to the gym, exercising, breaking a sweat.
Find something that's easy for you to do.
For me, it is running.
I grew up as a runner, as a cross country runner, a track runner, if that's too much
for you.
Going out for a walk, if you carry a little bit of extra weight around the midsection.
But getting out there and breaking a sweat, that right there just changes everything because
your body all of a sudden is releasing the endorphins.
You just feel better.
You instantly, all of a sudden you've taken a step.
Literally, you've taken steps in the right direction to improve your health and feel
better about your body.
And if you're wondering, what does this have to do with my mental state, with me being
off track in life?
Guys, it has everything to do they're all interconnected.
Your brain is right here with your body.
A lot of times we think we can think our way out of a problem, out of a situation, when
really we need to actually just move.
We need to stop sitting at that desk, stop lying in that bed, get out there and be active.
Find something that's easy for you to do.
Maybe it's out hiking, walking around, and that would be the next thing is get out there
and get you.
They call it what?
They call it a nature bath nowadays.
Teddy Roosevelt talked about this when he lost his mother and his wife on the same day.
What did he do?
The guy got out to I think it was it South Dakota.
North Dakota.
Somebody helped me down in the comments, but he went to I've been to Mendora.
Apparently this is a place where he went to heal, to be out there in the wilderness with
nature.
And I just find going for maybe you're in New York, go to Central Park.
Maybe it's something you just find a park in your area.
I know for me, I happen to be surrounded by nature, so I absolutely love that I can just
get out and walk home and feel great.
But you want to get out, walk, preferably surround yourself with a natural setting where
you can hear birds, you can maybe see some animals.
You can feel that you're just back to your roots.
This right here is so key to kind of getting your mind set back to a point where you can
think clearly.
Next up, eat a nice meal.
Bonus points if it's healthy.
I know I told you, pretty simple stuff here, but I find that whenever I oh, I haven't worked
out for a week, when I eat something really clean, something simple, I start off with
breakfast.
Maybe four to five eggs.
Skip the bacon.
I go with spinach.
Maybe a little bit of smoked salmon on the side, some avocado.
All of a sudden, I feel, okay, I've taken one step in the right direction.
I'm getting my fitness back on track.
Maybe it's something a little bit sweet.
Having a little bit of dark chocolate, anyone?
Harry Potter fans?
Remus Lupin.
I always loved how he would give Harry Potter this bit of chocolate.
It'll make you feel better.
But there's a lot of truth to this because sometimes we are just in this mental state
of everything's out of control.
I'm getting hit from all sides.
My life is not going as planned.
And really, you're just having a bad day and a little bit of sugar, a little bit of chocolate.
Maybe treat yourself to a nice coffee at Starbucks,
your favorite coffee place, whatever it may
be.
I know for me, I've got certain comfort foods which I default to.
I've the kind of Mexican joint I go to, and they've got chili verde.
And my mom used to make this when I was a kid growing up, and I remember, oh, man, like,
it's just amazing.
Just love the tomatillo sauce, that green sauce.
It's amazing.
If you haven't had it before, find those foods, find those flavors, those tastes that take
you back all of a sudden, give you a bit of comfort.
And really, on a full stomach, it's a lot easier to think and to plan your next step.
Now at that meal, or as you're grabbing your coffee, is there someone you can have join
you?
I'll tell you, eating alone, I mean, it's nice at times, but it's so much better when
you've got great company.
Is there somebody that you can buy a coffee, somebody that you can invite to a meal that
would love to see it?
We've oftentimes got someone we haven't reached out to.
I love just sending out a text, having a quick little lunch, meet up with a friend of mine,
Gizo.
He lives actually here in Wasi.
He's a busy, successful realtor.
And it's just fun to catch up, to talk, to be able to go over things.
You've probably got somebody that you haven't seen for a while, and yeah, they'd love to
meet up with you.
And guess what?
While you're there hanging out, do a quick toast.
Yes.
Nothing fancy.
You're just both are drinking waters.
Or maybe you've got whatever it is maybe you did grab a beer.
All of a sudden, you do a quick toast to your friendship, to knowing this person for five
years.
And here's what you're doing here.
You're celebrating the small wins.
And it doesn't even need to be your win.
Perhaps it's their win.
As you guys were talking, he talks about how he just sold another house.
This is my friend Gizo.
He's always selling stuff and it's like, man, congratulations.
I'm so proud of you.
A quick toast to Gizo.
The best realtor in wasa that right there.
Didn't cost you anything.
But you know what?
When you celebrate other people's wins, you become a part of the win.
You're recognizing the win, and all of a sudden you feel just better by being a part of another
person's successful story.
And if that's too much for you, how about you just reach out to people?
Yeah.
Via text.
Just simply look through your phone.
Who's somebody you haven't talked to for a while.
Maybe it's somebody close, like your brother, your sister.
Just want to let it hey, just want to let you know I love you and that you are amazing.
Maybe it's an old boss, somebody that you moved on for that company two years ago.
Reach out to them and say, hey, Mike, I just wanted to thank you.
All that mentorship, all that stuff you taught me, I am now using in my new job, and I would
not be as successful without you.
That kind of note, mike wasn't expecting it and it could make his day.
And it feels great for you to actually send it out.
And if texting is too much, maybe leave a voicemail or you want to be a little bit more
handsome to handwritten letter, maybe send somebody else flowers, your mother, your sister.
Find somebody, maybe a guy in your life that you just simply knows has never received flowers
and you're comfortable enough in that relationship.
You're just, hey, I just wanted to brighten your day.
You guys are the best.
You send the whole company donuts small company, like ten or twelve people.
Guys, these little shows of appreciation don't really cost you a whole lot.
In fact, can cost you nothing but 10 seconds of your time.
And it can really set the whole day for you feeling better because you're becoming a part
of other people's story.
So now let's talk about the hero's journey.
I talked about it at the beginning of the video, but this is key.
We think that a life free of pain and suffering is actually what we want.
That's not true.
Nothing could be further from the truth.
In fact, there is no life without pain and suffering.
It's just a part.
And if you look at the hero's journey, you look at the best stories they've ever been
told, the best movies you've ever watched.
They always have it where the hero, the guy
going through this goes through pain and suffering.
So for me, this perspective, having the hero's journey perspective, knowing that I've got
to have the failures to be able to taste the successes is something that keeps me motivated.
Now, to some of the naysayers out there going to say, antonio, that's a bunch of BS, because
there are many examples of people that did everything right and still fail.
And to that I have to say you're partially right.
They did fail.
Maybe materially.
They weren't able to achieve great wealth.
They weren't able to achieve maybe the great success that they had planned out.
But there are other victories that I think should be counted in life.
What type of effort did you put in?
Where did you start in your life?
Some people start deep down in the hole.
For them, the success is just crawling out of the hole and maybe setting it up so that
their kids, so that other people around them, they're able to pass on the lessons, able
to pass on their knowledge.
So what video to watch next?
How about the brutal truths that every man needs to hear?
Seriously, if you haven't watched this video, it's one of my better ones.
Go check it out, guys.
A solid video that I think every guy needs to watch.
Boom.
Right here.
Yeah, go check it out.
Go one.