Heya playa, have you ever felt like you've gotten mixed messages from different girls
about what type of guys they would actually date?
They may say something like "I just want a guy who can be himself, a guy who's authentic"
but then they'll date some random bad boy.
Yeah, it happens.
And there's a reason for it so let me walk you through why that is.
I've broken it down into four easy-to-understand categories based on authenticity and skill
level.
So, try to figure out where along the lines you fall.
When a girl says she wants a guy who's nice, and caring, and honest she probably means
that.
But, what's really missing from her explanation is this deeper inner confidence that she just
hopes the guy naturally has.
She may not call it out or actively say it but it's a trait that's going to create the
attraction for her.
That's going to draw her to that guy and then the other qualities are what's going to keep
her there.
You know what, let's walk through these four categories.
If you are unskilled and have no experience in dating or pursuing people, and you feel
like you can't really be yourself in a way you end up being inauthentic, you might be
what I consider a "People pleaser".
People pleasers are usually insecure about what they bring to the table.
They're worried that others are going to constantly judge them or not like them for who they are.
They're afraid to kind of showcase themselves because they think the world is just not going
to accept them.
And that mentality can definitely affect your ability to pursue and date someone.
This is where most guys who get friend-zoned actually live.
They're afraid to kind of be honest and open with the person that they like so they just
pretend to be their friend and then eventually do this big unveiling of their feelings only
to get shot down.
Instead of actively pursuing multiple people, they tend to fixate on one particular crush
and then continuously beat themselves up wondering "Am I good enough for that person?".
Now that's slightly different from people that have no active dating experience.
They're not pursuing anyone but they have no fear of being themselves.
These people are what I consider "Peter Pans".
Much like Peter Pan, people in this category tend to be unwilling to try new things.
They believe that they have the right mindset and the right way to do things and things
just have to work out as they want it to.
Someone in this category might try the same thing over and over.
For example, they might be sending the same exact type of text message every time they
start a conversation.
And instead of trying something different to see what works, they just believe "No,
if a person doesn't want to respond to me with the thing I want to do, then I don't
want to get to know them better."
Now, if you're someone that's not interested in dating none of this really applies to you
but if you are...
If you're someone that wants to casually date or even find a girlfriend, you're going to
have to be willing to be flexible.
Flexibility here is going to allow you to try new things so that you can better connect
with different people because people are different.
People have different styles of communication.
People have different needs and wants.
Especially in the very beginning when you're both learning about each other.
Let's say though you have all the skills you need to get a person to be hooked and attracted
to you.
You know the right buttons to push, you know exactly what to say.
In fact, you're so good at it you can put it together in a manual and use that over
and over no matter who it is you're talking to.
These are the people that I call "Pick-up artists".
Pick-up artists tend to focus on the science and psychology behind attraction.
They're not too concerned with presenting their authentic selves.
In fact, what you might even notice in pick-up artist communities is that they will share
around fake stories that they know will get a good response from people or they encourage
each other to dress and act in a way that is not really indicative of who they are.
But, people are attracted to that style of being so they do it.
Now that's not to say that every pick-up artist in every community is bad, when I first started
learning how to talk to girls and get more comfortable with it, I was reading a lot from
Neil Strauss and Mystery and David DeAngelo.
There are a lot of good principles that can be shared there but you have to remember how
important authenticity is, especially if you're trying to build a longer-term committed and
stable relationship with someone.
Sure, there's a pizazz in attracting someone but that's not really long-lasting.
At some point, if you want to maintain that relationship, you're going to need to work
on the deep inner stuff.
I'll share a link up here which talks more about how to make a relationship actually
work but where you should actually aim to be along this whole scale is up there in the
top right.
Someone who is authentic and someone who is skilled.
These are the people that I call "Purpose-driven".
A purpose-driven person is someone who is open to learning and challenging themselves.
They're willing to try out different things, to pursue multiple people because they know
they bring value in who they are so it's all about bringing that forward and seeing who
you can connect with.
There isn't this need to blame all women and cast them as stuck up and shallow, you're
not sitting there angry because you put in work in being close to that girl and therefore
you feel like she owes you a date and you're not looking at women as objects and things.
That you can move around, pawns on a chessboard that you can manipulate.
Where your focus actually lies is in being a compassionate, mindful and confident leader.
The type of person that's going to win girls over because you are your authentic self.
You have nothing to hide and you're willing to be flexible.
You're willing to be understanding.
You're willing to see how you can connect better with that person.
Most girls will generally pursue guys that are on the right side of this scale.
And the reason why they end up with guys who fall into that pick-up artist category is
because of this confidence they display.
But they're missing those other key characteristics and that's the difference.
So if a girl says she just wants a guy who is nice and caring, that might be a people
pleaser.
That's the type of person that will just do everything that you want.
But what's she's not articulating is the confidence piece.
And if a girl says that all she cares about is a guy that can just be himself, that might
be the Peter Pans.
But what's really going to be missing there is the ability to budge and grow with that
person.
And if a girl says all she cares about are guys with high status, those are the pick-up
artists.
Those are the guys who are going to play along and put on a whole show to make you believe
that they're real with you when actually they're not.
Being a purpose-driven person is the only way you can really ensure that you're going
to be real the whole way through.
That you're going to find a partner that you can learn and grow with and they're going
to respect your leadership and confidence and honesty every step of the way.
On that note, I'll catch you next time.
As always, love and peace.