Secret Society Sketch
#1 - Rise of the Planet of the Apes
Scene 1
Head Dude: Members, all rise, I call this meeting of
the Mysterious Union Fighting For Superpower to order on this, the third Tuesday of July
(interrupts himself). You are getting all of this right? Any questions INTERN?
Alex: Yeah. You guys are called MUFFS?
Head Dude: Well, yes. If you want to say it short.
Alex: Muffs? you know what it means...
Head Dude I know what it means, the name was picked
100 years ago before- anyway INTERN. Back to business. SO. As you know, the apes. They
have started to Rise. Again. It seems quite serious this time. (Show trailer while he
is talking)
Scene 2
All Shot WILL:
We must hide this from the population. We cannot let the masses know the truth
TRAVIS: Have we figured out how to 'fix up' that commie
James Franco?
Head Dude: Well, We cant kill him... he is just too damn
beautiful (says this with a dreamy look in his eye)
Everybody: Yes yes.
TRAVIS: So much swag, do you know what I’m saying?
Head Dude: We can’t bribe him either, he has all that
soap opera money...
WILL: I got it! Let’s sick RiHannaH on him, and
blame him for battery. That will end his pretty boy reputation.
TRAVIS: Alright great. swag. swag it out. yeah!
Head dude: So how can we keep the population subdued
while the ape people set up shop? Are they people or what? No one explained that to me?
TRAVIS: Yea me neither, its kind of weird...
WILL: They’re apes but with feelings.
Other dudes: Awww
Scene 3
Head Dude: How about that Kardashian woman? Can’t she
go... do something? We spent so much time training her.
TRAVIS: Training what? Her bra hahaha
All other dudes stare at him in disappointment: Bro....
WILL: We could give her another spinoff. People
eat those shows up. She hasn’t taken on Detroit yet.
Head dude: That’s not gonna work. E! is running out
of air time. That god damned Chelsea Handler is blowing the head of programming
TRAVIS: NOT swag
WILL: We could bring back a new, incurable strain
of syphilis? We could put it in soy cheese and infect the vegans. No one’s very fond
of them anyway.
TRAVIS: Seriously, why don’t they wear SHOES?
Dudes agree: Good idea bro, swag. swag
Alex: Alright. Swag? Why do you guys keep saying
that? Does it go in the minutes? What does it even mean? And what’s with the fist pumping?
Head Dude whispers to WILL: I told you he wouldn’t work. We should have
gone with the... what’s the PC way to say this? the more... urban girl.
WILL: I guess we need another intern.
Head Dude: Yes. Looks like it. I think that’ll do.
Meeting adjourned! I’m thirsty, do you guys want slurpies?
Shot of newspaper headline reading: “Violent African Strain of Syphilis Breaks Out Among
San Francisco’s Vegan Population. World Breaths Collective Sigh of Relief, Swag.”