- Intro!
- ♫ Doo, Doo, Doo, Doo ♫
(Laci laughs)
- We suck.
(Olivia laughs)
- We suck.
- You don't even know your own intro.
- No, I know it.
- ♫ Boop, boop, boop, boop
♫ Boop, boop, boop, boop ♫
And then it's like, "Sex positive."
- It's close enough.
- Hi, everyone.
Laci Green here with a very special guest, Ms. Olivia.
- Hi!
- Thanks for coming on Sex+, Olivia.
- Oh my God, no problem.
- Olivia is one of my friends.
She's gonna be talking to us about sex and disability.
What's your disability?
- Merosin deficiency disability, which means that my body
lacks something called merosin, which helps build muscle.
I am affected in all four limbs of my body.
I also have epilepsy.
This has led you to some disability activism
at your university.
- I am on the Are Cripples Screwed panel.
It was started in 2006 on my campus.
One of my friends was on the panel and she was like,
"You're, you're getting laid. You need to talk to people
about your sex life." (Laci laughs)
- Can we talk about language for a second?
Like, isn't that a very offensive word?
- ^ If I was an able-bodied person, I wouldn't just
walk up to some person in a wheelchair and just be like,
"What's up, crip?"
If it's someone that you're comfortable with.
Like, Laci has the honor of calling me a cripple.
- I will never call you that, Olivia.
- Supposed to be a double entendre of
"are cripples screwed?", "are cripples fucked?"
- Why has "person with disabilities" become
the prominent term?
- Well, "a person with a disability" it's like referring
to the person as people first.
- Yeah.
- We're a person first, versus a disabled person.
- What are some of the main stereotypes you think
are out there?
- People with disabilities are often visualized as being
pure and virginal or a villain.
- Does inspiration porn fall in the perfect, angelic
end of things?
- I get this a lot from old ladies that just see you
walking around in the street.
They're just like, "Bless your heart. "
(Laci laughs)
- "You're out of the house. You have nothing to live for."
- I think that people sort of see people with disabilities
as sexless.
They're not getting any.
Are you getting any?
- Yes, currently, yes.
- So, on one end, we have people who see those
with disabilities as sexless.
On the other hand, have you ever heard of people
sort of being fetishized?
- There is actually a fetish for people
who have disabilities.
It's called devotees.
Or, if you want to be more specific for people
who use wheelchairs, it's called a chair chaser.
- Have you ever encountered someone like this?
- I have.
I don't wanna say, like, what they're in to
is totally disgusting and wrong because I can't
speak for that person, but at the same time,
if you remove the person from the disability
and can just love the disability, you know,
what is the relationship about?
- Right. - [Olivia] Yes.
- It's another form of objectification, essentially.
- You're objectifying the person.
- Yeah.
- [Laci] Are you done? We'll talk about dating.
- I would love to talk about dating.
So the way that I describe it to people
is like a little story.
Like, when you're at a college party, you're dancing.
The good thing about being in a wheelchair, in my opinion,
is if you dance with me, you pretty much
have to give me a lap dance.
You're all sprung up on each other
and grinding on each other.
And then you're just like, "Hey, let's go into the back
"and hook up."
Obviously, there is a giant, like, metal thing
that I'm sitting on.
I have a giant, metal ass.
Hashtag metal ass, hashtag hot, hashtag part robot
- Love it.
- Transformer.
(Laci laughs)
The great thing about disability is communication
starts from day one.
You always have to be having that conversation of
what you're comfortable with, what you're not
comfortable with, and what you're capable of doing.
- So you're dating someone right now.
- Yes.
- How long y'all been together?
- On and off about three years.
- Wow, that's a long time.
Do they ever have any anxieties?
- When they'd mention an attendant,
their friend would be like, "Wait, what? Attendant?"
He'll tell them, "Oh, yeah. She uses a wheelchair.
"She needs people to help her."
And then their friend would respond with, "Oh, so
you just get them when they're broken?"
And then that really offends that person, but I'm just like,
"Honestly, I've been hearing stuff like that my whole life."
- It doesn't offend you?
- It doesn't offend me because the way that I see it
is it's that person's loss because they're limiting
their field of people.
And, honestly, it's not that different dating someone
who's able-bodied.
You're just being close-minded.
And you really need to open yourself up to the world.
- [Olivia] Spinal cord injuries is a very good one
to start off with.
- Okay.
- People with spinal cord injuries don't have
sensation in certain parts of their body, for example,
their genitalia.
People with penises, they might need to use drugs
such as Cialis, Levitra, and Viagra.
Injuries that are like at the lower part of their spine
often use injections into their penis.
Causes an instant boner.
Instaboner!
You can also use Viagra to increase lubrication.
- So a lot of folks on Twitter and Tumblr and Facebook
were asking about paraplegics.
And they're not eliminated from having sex.
- Yes.
- Anyone with a disability can have sex, right?
- Anyone with a disability, yes.
- What are some of the things that can assist them?
- There are wedges that can help elevate hips
or for your head or for your back.
Sex toys such as vibrators to help people who don't
have as much sensation.
Cock rings are actually really good for people
who have a spinal cord injury.
- It can help maintain an erection.
- It helps maintain an erection.
Also, there's this wonderful thing.
It's called a love wedge.
- A love wedge.
- It's a chair that moves back and forth like this.
- It can help with the actual movement.
- To help with the actual movement.
- There are actually people that can be sexually active
in their wheelchair.
The thing about most wheelchairs is
they have the ability to elevate.
Aah, yeah. - [Laci] Oh, dang.
- I'm like my own little boner.
(Laci laughs)
- Also, we have the ability to tilt back like this
and also to recline.
- Can attendants play a role in sex?
- Yes. It's all about communication with your partner,
what your partner is okay with, and what you're okay with.
If needed, the attendant can be in the room.
It also has to do with if the attendant is okay with it
to help them.
- What about chronic pain?
- Sometimes they can be into kink and BDSM
and with that they can control their pain.
Or, they can also use sex as a therapy.
- Right.
- I've heard stories of people with chronic pain where
sex would make the pain go away.
- Let's talk about intellectual disability,
which is a different kind, right?
- This topic is a little difficult for me to discuss
because--
- It's not your experience.
- It's not my experience, but it also goes
along the lines of consent.
Are they able to consent and are they able
to understand what is and is not okay?
- Right.
- Because a part of me does no want to deny
a person the ability to experience this,
but then the other part of me doesn't want the person
to be taken advantage of.
- Probably depends on the person, huh?
- It depends. - [Laci] And someone who has
- a real intimate understanding of their life
and their experience would be the best bet.
All right, that was a ton of information.
I'm so educated now.
- Yay. (Laci laughs)
Thanks so much Olivia for coming
and for answering all of these questions.
- No problem.
- Say thank you to Olivia in the comments
because she's so wonderful.
- All right, thanks for watching everyone.
We'll see you next time.
Buh-bye! - [Olivia] Bye!
♫ Peace be with everyone
♫ Except your mom, oh ♫ - [Voiceover] What?